Venting I'm trying, but it only ever gets worse

[liquid jen]

Had my first meeting with a counselor/psychiatrist (I don't really know) about a week ago, and immediately felt like it was a waste. Got put on meds immediately, but I haven't started taking them. I sought help hoping to get better, but I've been more filled with rage and sadness than ever before. Now I'm permanently marked somewhere as mentally ill, and I'm gonna become just another sedated wagie slave husk forever.
I started cutting again (it's been maybe a month) and it's also already worse than it's ever been. Carving words again, having longer sessions, and ignoring aftercare.
I've tried putting myself out there more, but that hasn't brought any good either. Today a girl was venting to me about relationship problems, and then at the end told me I boring to talk to.
Fuck it all, actually. There seriously isn't a point in trying at all anymore.

 

[whywere]

WRONG!!!!

1st off YOU ARE a valuable, caring and thoughtful spirit and a great friend.

I have been on Celexa for 10 years, and at least for me it works great even now.

I NEED YOU here, as I have no family nor friends, except folks here like YOU.

I have been to so MANY different mental health clinics, it takes time and effort to find one that meshes with you.

YOU can do it, I so 100% believe in YOU, REALLY do, no B.S. EVER with me.

Small steps led to larger ones that lead to wonderous sunrises and sunsets to behold.

I have had gall bladder cancer and now, after a nasty car crash, not my fault, I have 24/7 chronic pain that is HELL, BUT I am here, as I so believe in helping folks like YOU!!!!!!

I am 69, mentioning this only, as I have, like everyone, gone through the mill of life more than once and I be darned if we cannot TOGETHER WIN!!!!

Hugs, caring thoughts and ITRULY want the best for you and yes this is my real first name, as I am 100% heartfelt in you being a shining light.

Walter

 

[Publicvoid]

I know exactly what it's like to have the mental illness stigma. I was never normal again moreso because how others saw me. Mania has destroyed my life several times over and caused all sorts of problems I can't begin to explain. This is why I signed up here. I can't recover my life from here.

I wish you the best.

 

[tearsofanangel]

Coming on here to say I relate. I also just had my first meeting with therapist #3 in about 2-4 months, and it feels like nothing will ever change. They just pump us through the system until we're "functional" enough to "contribute" to society. It feels like it isn't actually about mental health anymore. Like antidepressants can and do help lots of people, but throwing them at us first thing feels like they're just trying to shove the "magic pill" down our throats instead of actually help improve our lives.
I tried to open up to friends, and was too much to handle. Now none of them talk to me, and trying to make new ones feels like a waste of me and everyone else's time... I'm sorry that girl called you "boring" to talk to. Some people just seem to get stuck in their own lives and what they need, rather than thinking on the give-take of conversations/relationships.
I wish you safety and relief with SH for as long as you need it. (I used to cut too, but it feels too scary for me to go back to-- seems ironic, with wishes to CTB...) Sometimes, even if I didn't like it, I saw my aftercare for SH as a way to keep being able to do it (ex. "if I don't take care of the cuts I won't be able to make more"). If that mentality would help you, please take it-- if not, cast it aside.
I wish you well, and I hope you get the help you need. I wanna have faith that things can change for people like us. It feels desperately hopeless. But I'm going to try to continue to have that faith that one day, people like us will find the people we've been needing for a long time, that will help us exist with peace.