I'm thinking about doing it today

[Placo]

I'm really bored, the depression is making everything so boring, I could do it this evening, but I don't feel like hating life in every way, at least there is death to free us, it could have been worse and that is to be condemned to suffer endlessly.
I've been spending this last period watching videos on Youtube and playing a bit of video games and chatting on Telegram with old virtual acquaintances, but this too is becoming boring.
Just yesterday a user I met on this forum who seemed nice killed himself with the SN, last night I dreamed that he was still alive but when I logged into the forum I never saw him again so I think he succeeded.
I discussed the method in another thread so I won't delve into it here, more than anything else here I would like to focus on the reasons.
I wouldn't even be original to be honest because they are reasons that have been written here thousands of times such as loneliness, depression, lack of purpose, boredom, traumatic past experiences, lack of desire to move forward, a difficult family, my being hypersensitive to negativity and I could go on for who knows how long.
I stopped the specialist visits a while ago and at the moment the doctor I should have is on holiday, I'm continuing to take the drugs but they don't do much, maybe they just prevent me from rotting in bed every day even though as already I said, it's not like I do much.
I don't know how long I can continue with this situation but not for long, in June the situation could get complicated for my family, I don't want to go into detail but I think that June is a good deadline for me, but if the boredom continues to be so strong I don't think I'll even get to mid-May.
This is not a farewell topic but it could become one, I'm undecided at the moment. I have to understand if there is still something I can distract myself with or if this time it's really over.

 

[halleyscomet]

I'm sorry you're suffering so much. I hope you find the peace you're searching for, whatever you decide to do. In the meantime, if you need a distraction, you can always pm me. I'm always open for a chat.

 

[theboy]

pm if you want. you are going through anedhonia but you can recover your vitality to do things.

 

[Placo]

pm if you want. you are going through anedhonia but you can recover your vitality to do things.

I'm not so sure I can recover the pleasure of doing things but I'm not even sure I've lost it forever otherwise I would have already killed myself, but this depressive breakdown seems to me to be the strongest I've ever had in my life.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Why not write it out in full? So what if it's been said before--the nice thing about the social context of a suicide forum is that there is nobody here who could stand to judge you. It's a safe space. And things about you and the way you're approaching this are unique, so consider it perhaps an opportunity to let there be a record somewhere of that.

 

[theboy]

I'm not so sure I can recover the pleasure of doing things but I'm not even sure I've lost it forever otherwise I would have already killed myself, but this depressive breakdown seems to me to be the strongest I've ever had in my life.

yes, I understand that depressive feeling you have and that loss of pleasure...

 

[Placo]

Why not write it out in full? So what if it's been said before--the nice thing about the social context of a suicide forum is that there is nobody here who could stand to judge you. It's a safe space. And things about you and the way you're approaching this are unique, so consider it perhaps an opportunity to let there be a record somewhere of that.

I think I have written everything, the only thing I omitted is that in June an employee in our family business will be missing and that therefore the pressure on me to work will increase, at the moment I am not working and I don't think I will be able in June given this strong depression.