i'm still extremely jealous of successful people and it's destroying my mental health

[lawlietsph]

I have no problem admitting that i feel extremely jealous of anyone who is successful. It just reminds me of everything i can never have. To be honest i don't really care about celebrities. i am mostly envious of everyday people who have a successful business, goals, dreams, whatnot. and athletes... it sounds very stupid but i would kill to have what some athletes have. it's not about the fame... i feel like they have something they are passionate about and it's their job and it makes them rich - the perfect combination. i was the most athletic, happy little girl, i loved to run, i was fast and strong. but i went to school to be bullied, then i went home to be beaten by my mother. my parents neglected me in every single way except food. i've always had food and a roof over my head, and for that i am grateful, i know there are people in way worse situations. but they never did anything to help me develop skills, they destroyed my personality. i never developed the skills that are needed for basic adult life, i still feel like a 5 year old little girl, i am scared of everything and i just want my mommy and daddy to hold me (they never did and they never will).
now i know... other kids had an advantage, they were free to grow and develop while i was fighting to survive in a deeply abusive environment. i know all of this with my brain, but it doesn't make me feel any better. i just want something, anything to be good at, i want to do sports, but now i am almost 30 years old, with a bunch of health issues. i am the complete opposite of my childhood version. summer is coming which is making it even worse - i see all these sport competitions, i try to avoid them but they came up on social media and in everywhere... 20 years old people making a fortune while being brilliant in sports. and me? i am barely living, i'm old, sick, suicidal, depressed, just a waste of space and oxygen. my existence is a mistake and i wish my mother aborted me. i am so broken beyond repair that there is no way for me to succeed in anything now... i don't have false hopes or dreams anymore but i continue to feel like shit.
don't get me wrong, i truly feel like everything is pointless. i know we will all be forgotten in 100 years, even successful people will be under the ground eaten by worms. i know all of this, i feel how everything is made up and stupid and useless, but i can't stop feeling like the biggest failure on the planet. i am so exhausted

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Wow, I can relate to this so much. Not in sports but in work and business. I noticed a long time ago that people I've worked for are basically the same as me, except they had capable loving parents who at least supported them and let them grow. But (and you know this already but I like to say it...), people who look successful are often crumbling away inside. I see a successful person at a snapshot in their lives. They could be in ruins tomorrow. They are often harboring horrible things inside and hate their lives. But it's still not fair. We never even had that chance. And like you said none of it matters anyway. Thanks for your post, I love this forum.

 

[citrusrope]

Yeah same. I'm so fucking envious of normal people.

I know you never know what someone is going through and all that but it still doesn't work to change my mindset about it because those people are at the very least STILL able to perform normalcy to a certain extent. I'm LITERALLY rotting in my room and being a fucking useless leech with no worth. I contribute nothing. I'm incapable of even just pretending to be normal and interacting normally.

My envy towards other people is killing me. And it's not even envy over like "a perfecr life" and/or celebrities or popular people like you say. It's just the normalcy. The fucking capability to be NORMAL to a certain extent. To be able to fucking function!!!!

I'm so miserable.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Im sorry you feel this way
I feel you tho I'm sitting here crying thinking how much of a failure I've been the last 33 years. I went all wrong in life. My thoughts are with you

 

[bankai]

You aren't a failure, no one is i think. all of us just uniquely wired by our chemistry to be what we are.
I hope you find peace and happiness. I don't think anything else is important.

 

[WatchmeBurn]

Me too. I've tried so, so hard in life and failed completely. I don't know what more I could've done. Why do they get success and I don't?

 

[LetMeOut67]

I totally understand and I think it's very natural.
But high achievers also CTB as they also compare themselves to those who're even more successful.

 

[Lxions]

i think my envy killed every other emotion. im just miserable all the time now. everything is so… so exhausting. i cant

 

[Douggy82]

I'm only bothered by the success of people who profit from Trump. No one else's success bothers me at all.

 

[divinemistress36]

I feel this. Even people who are able to hold down regular 9-5 jobs are successful in my eyes

 

[quietwoods]

I largely stopped being envious of other people a while ago. Most people are projecting success or faking having the "perfect" life due to societal pressure. When I say most, I mean it. The biggest thing I used to get jealous of was relationships. While I still do here and there, for the most part I've realized there are usually skeletons in the closet in even perfect-seeming relationships, and a lot of people are simply in relationships because they are afraid of being alone.

I used to be good friends with a young couple my age. They seemed so in love, everyone always commented how cute they were together. Seemed like a dream relationship. One day I was in a hotel room next to theirs (we were travelling together). They didn't know the walls were thin, and for two days I listened to them scream and argue and vent every issue they had with each other. Then in public they were all happy and perfect again.

What I do get envious of are the lives of the fictional characters I create for my writing. They aren't perfect, over-idealized lives. But they are lives with meaningful challenge and relationships.

 

[divinemistress36]

I

I largely stopped being envious of other people a while ago. Most people are projecting success or faking having the "perfect" life due to societal pressure. When I say most, I mean it. The biggest thing I used to get jealous of was relationships. While I still do here and there, for the most part I've realized there are usually skeletons in the closet in even perfect-seeming relationships, and a lot of people are simply in relationships because they are afraid of being alone.

I used to be good friends with a young couple my age. They seemed so in love, everyone always commented how cute they were together. Seemed like a dream relationship. One day I was in a hotel room next to theirs (we were travelling together). They didn't know the walls were thin, and for two days I listened to them scream and argue and vent every issue they had with each other. Then in public they were all happy and perfect again.

What I do get envious of are the lives of the fictional characters I create for my writing. They aren't perfect, over-idealized lives. But they are lives with meaningful challenge and relationships.

Its so true. I wish the younger folks on here could realize more than most people are putting on a fake act out in public and arent as happy or successful as they seem

 

[lawlietsph]

Wow, I can relate to this so much. Not in sports but in work and business. I noticed a long time ago that people I've worked for are basically the same as me, except they had capable loving parents who at least supported them and let them grow. But (and you know this already but I like to say it...), people who look successful are often crumbling away inside. I see a successful person at a snapshot in their lives. They could be in ruins tomorrow. They are often harboring horrible things inside and hate their lives. But it's still not fair. We never even had that chance. And like you said none of it matters anyway. Thanks for your post, I love this forum.

Yes, I agree, most of the successful people must be unhappy but... let's be realistic, it would be thousand times easier to be depressed or sick, knowing you have a fortune in the bank and you probably have a supportive background, friends, something... but i'm glad you found some kind of comfort in my post, at least
i ask the same question on a daily basis. why them and not me? why am I not worthy of any good in this life? what is so wrong with me that i never deserved a chance? guess i'll never understand...

Me too. I've tried so, so hard in life and failed completely. I don't know what more I could've done. Why do they get success and I don't?