I'm starting to think it's gg

[witchcraft]

(decided to put the tl;dr at the top) It's gg. Wageslavery makes me suicidal. Trying and failing to find new wage-enslavement makes me suicidal. My $60,000 "skillz" are not transferrable. I'm killing myself. I'm not putting any more fries in the bag or saying Welcome to Starbucks one more God damn time. Fuck off, you can't make me. I'm a burden on my mom because I can't find a job that doesn't make me want to jump in battery acid and light myself on fire. I'm ending it all. It's over and there is no way out and nobody helps anybody in this fucking hellscape of a society. The way that people respond to people in my position makes it very clear that I am supposed to kill myself, that that's what I should do. Maybe not the people on here, but the people literally anywhere and everywhere else. There is no sympathy. There is no empathy. There is no help. There are no solutions. They mock, they sneer, they ridicule, they take a hot steaming pile of a shit on you. Anything but a helping hand or a lifeline. Fuck this place and fuck this life.

I'm going mask off here and just want to conclude by saying: if you're really hot and looking for a house husband, let me know. I'll do anything at this point. I'll dress in a bear costume and dance on a fucking ball if you pay me. I'll dress like a maid. I don't give a fuck anymore, whatever.

------

This is going to be long, sorry. Idk what to do anymore... maybe work at a library or something like that, but that's really competitive (like trying to get any job nowadays) and most positions require a specific degree to even be considered. I've recently searched online at the two dozen libraries within 45 minutes of me and there's no available positions even posted. Every time I think of a way out, I get cucked in this exact way. My hopes get instantaneously destroyed. I am being tortured by the universe.

Anyway, the context leading to my current situation is that I got scammed. How are you supposed to know you want to do something so badly for the rest of your damn life that you're willing to invest tens of thousands of dollars and years of your life at a university BEFORE even actually doing the job a single fucking time? The whole system is ass-backward. There has to be a better, simpler, easier way to learn the basics of almost anything that isn't life-or-death. Like, obviously being a doctor or lawyer should require an extensive amount of schooling and oversight because of the huge responsibility those people have. But to work as a mere teller at a bank? To organize books on shelves at a library? Really???

I actually have a degree in Secondary English Education, and it's nothing more than a useless ~$60,000 paperweight for anything other than literally only being a teacher. The whole "transferrable skills" thing appears to be a giant lie. Then people move the goalposts and say, well, you didn't work for long enough as a teacher. Correct, because it was horrible, I barely finished my internship. My supervisor was a horrible human being, one of my mentor teachers yelled at me twice (yes, yelled) for honest mistakes and accused me of not trying when I literally couldn't have been trying any harder. I barely graduated. I had a 3.8 GPA with honors and half a dozen scholarships and I barely survived the internship.

There's a sub-reddit called teachersintransition, iirc. Basically it's people in my predicament. Except 99% of them are not. Most of them taught in schools for many years. Some of them have master's degrees. Most of them are from a different time, a whole ass different generation with connections I do not possess. Most of them are still actively working, not actively a NEET for 3+ years like me. In the past I tried posting for help there, and people were thankfully sympathetic, but none of the advice helped me. Because every time I sought out the careers they recommend to transition into, those positions always require their own separate degree, or 4-5 years of past work experience. FOR AN ENTRY LEVEL POSITION.

ENTRY. You can't even get your foot in the door because you can't even knock on the God damn door, nobody will answer, you will be ignored unless you're shoving the degree+experience into the doorbell camera / peephole. They say apply anyway! I did. Still here in mom's basement. Thanks.

My thinking back in 2019 in my early 20s was, "I don't know what I want to do with my life. That is an absurd thing to try and know. I think about it and I think about it, I think really hard, and no answer comes. No answer at all. But I kind of like helping people (one on one)... I'm good at English and I like language, reading... I guess it makes sense. But if it turns out I don't like it, surely it would be worth SOMETHING to someone."

No. I am worth nothing to nobody, and should off myself. If you're not a unicorn that we can lowball like the scum we are, then fuck off and die—the motto of every employer. I'd rather have my body put in a bag than go back to putting fries in the bag. I've served my prison sentence in customer service multiple times, totaling to several years including the years I was also going to university full-time. AT THE SAME TIME. Sorry but no thanks.

I don't know why I'm posting this. Nobody can help me. I guess I just needed to vent I guess, I don't have any other expectation.

If you really want to know why I hated teaching so much, it actually had very little to do with the kids. The job just fucking blows. I got a firsthand understanding of how fucked the American educational system is. Every day is a giant disservice. It's glorified babysitting with a whole load of extra work and stress and expectations that cannot be met. And the attitude behind it all is that it's a "Noble Profession." That's how they justify the overwork and underpay. That's how they justify the Sisyphean uphill battle. And I even did my internship at a wealthy school. It doesn't matter where you go, the problems are the same, just in varying severity.

You don't work 40 hours. You work 40 hours, and then you grade papers for another 10 (at least), you commute another 5, you stay late for meetings, you go in on the days when students get to stay home because you have to redesign the school district's English curriculum with teachers from all the schools, you have to make daily phone calls, plan lessons for the next day + rest of the week + next week, send emails, file paperwork, and partake in extracurriculars for the kids. It is an 80 hour a week job, and you get paid for half of it. I don't give a fuck about the summers off. Pay me a million dollars a year or forget about it.

I want nothing to do with teaching anymore. Nothing. I don't want to teach adults, I don't want to teach in a workplace. I'm over it. I am traumatized by it. I hate it. All the bureaucratic busywork and busybodies. I'm done. I'd rather put books back on a shelf, check their books at the checkout, check their library card, and answer the question "Do you have x book here?" 1000 times.

 

[Smiles & Giggles]

I hate having to bust my ass in the wagie-cage until I die because society says so or something.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I'm going to go out on a limb & say most people looking for house husbands probably aren't particularly hot. Just a guess. I hope you find your miracle tho, whatever (or whomever) that might be.

 

[witchcraft]

I'm going to go out on a limb & say most people looking for house husbands probably aren't particularly hot. Just a guess. I hope you find your miracle tho, whatever (or whomever) that might be.

Yeah, you right. I'm not exactly Henry Caville either. Think my standards are reasonable though, based on a couple people I've dated in the past.

It wasn't a super serious idea anyway, I'm just pissed off and at the cliff's edge. Thank you.

I hate having to bust my ass in the wagie-cage until I die because society says so or something.

Me too, friend, me too.

 

[PainWorseThanDeath]

Promise you'll wear a bear costume and dance with me... bc I mean.... thats a fuckin dealmaker, right there.

Bear suit, and I am -in-.

All joking aside, I wish you love and peace.

 

[fadedghost]

(decided to put the tl;dr at the top) It's gg. Wageslavery makes me suicidal. Trying and failing to find new wage-enslavement makes me suicidal. My $60,000 "skillz" are not transferrable. I'm killing myself. I'm not putting any more fries in the bag or saying Welcome to Starbucks one more God damn time. Fuck off, you can't make me. I'm a burden on my mom because I can't find a job that doesn't make me want to jump in battery acid and light myself on fire. I'm ending it all. It's over and there is no way out and nobody helps anybody in this fucking hellscape of a society. The way that people respond to people in my position makes it very clear that I am supposed to kill myself, that that's what I should do. Maybe not the people on here, but the people literally anywhere and everywhere else. There is no sympathy. There is no empathy. There is no help. There are no solutions. They mock, they sneer, they ridicule, they take a hot steaming pile of a shit on you. Anything but a helping hand or a lifeline. Fuck this place and fuck this life.

I'm going mask off here and just want to conclude by saying: if you're really hot and looking for a house husband, let me know. I'll do anything at this point. I'll dress in a bear costume and dance on a fucking ball if you pay me. I'll dress like a maid. I don't give a fuck anymore, whatever.

------

This is going to be long, sorry. Idk what to do anymore... maybe work at a library or something like that, but that's really competitive (like trying to get any job nowadays) and most positions require a specific degree to even be considered. I've recently searched online at the two dozen libraries within 45 minutes of me and there's no available positions even posted. Every time I think of a way out, I get cucked in this exact way. My hopes get instantaneously destroyed. I am being tortured by the universe.

Anyway, the context leading to my current situation is that I got scammed. How are you supposed to know you want to do something so badly for the rest of your damn life that you're willing to invest tens of thousands of dollars and years of your life at a university BEFORE even actually doing the job a single fucking time? The whole system is ass-backward. There has to be a better, simpler, easier way to learn the basics of almost anything that isn't life-or-death. Like, obviously being a doctor or lawyer should require an extensive amount of schooling and oversight because of the huge responsibility those people have. But to work as a mere teller at a bank? To organize books on shelves at a library? Really???

I actually have a degree in Secondary English Education, and it's nothing more than a useless ~$60,000 paperweight for anything other than literally only being a teacher. The whole "transferrable skills" thing appears to be a giant lie. Then people move the goalposts and say, well, you didn't work for long enough as a teacher. Correct, because it was horrible, I barely finished my internship. My supervisor was a horrible human being, one of my mentor teachers yelled at me twice (yes, yelled) for honest mistakes and accused me of not trying when I literally couldn't have been trying any harder. I barely graduated. I had a 3.8 GPA with honors and half a dozen scholarships and I barely survived the internship.

There's a sub-reddit called teachersintransition, iirc. Basically it's people in my predicament. Except 99% of them are not. Most of them taught in schools for many years. Some of them have master's degrees. Most of them are from a different time, a whole ass different generation with connections I do not possess. Most of them are still actively working, not actively a NEET for 3+ years like me. In the past I tried posting for help there, and people were thankfully sympathetic, but none of the advice helped me. Because every time I sought out the careers they recommend to transition into, those positions always require their own separate degree, or 4-5 years of past work experience. FOR AN ENTRY LEVEL POSITION.

ENTRY. You can't even get your foot in the door because you can't even knock on the God damn door, nobody will answer, you will be ignored unless you're shoving the degree+experience into the doorbell camera / peephole. They say apply anyway! I did. Still here in mom's basement. Thanks.

My thinking back in 2019 in my early 20s was, "I don't know what I want to do with my life. That is an absurd thing to try and know. I think about it and I think about it, I think really hard, and no answer comes. No answer at all. But I kind of like helping people (one on one)... I'm good at English and I like language, reading... I guess it makes sense. But if it turns out I don't like it, surely it would be worth SOMETHING to someone."

No. I am worth nothing to nobody, and should off myself. If you're not a unicorn that we can lowball like the scum we are, then fuck off and die—the motto of every employer. I'd rather have my body put in a bag than go back to putting fries in the bag. I've served my prison sentence in customer service multiple times, totaling to several years including the years I was also going to university full-time. AT THE SAME TIME. Sorry but no thanks.

I don't know why I'm posting this. Nobody can help me. I guess I just needed to vent I guess, I don't have any other expectation.

If you really want to know why I hated teaching so much, it actually had very little to do with the kids. The job just fucking blows. I got a firsthand understanding of how fucked the American educational system is. Every day is a giant disservice. It's glorified babysitting with a whole load of extra work and stress and expectations that cannot be met. And the attitude behind it all is that it's a "Noble Profession." That's how they justify the overwork and underpay. That's how they justify the Sisyphean uphill battle. And I even did my internship at a wealthy school. It doesn't matter where you go, the problems are the same, just in varying severity.

You don't work 40 hours. You work 40 hours, and then you grade papers for another 10 (at least), you commute another 5, you stay late for meetings, you go in on the days when students get to stay home because you have to redesign the school district's English curriculum with teachers from all the schools, you have to make daily phone calls, plan lessons for the next day + rest of the week + next week, send emails, file paperwork, and partake in extracurriculars for the kids. It is an 80 hour a week job, and you get paid for half of it. I don't give a fuck about the summers off. Pay me a million dollars a year or forget about it.

I want nothing to do with teaching anymore. Nothing. I don't want to teach adults, I don't want to teach in a workplace. I'm over it. I am traumatized by it. I hate it. All the bureaucratic busywork and busybodies. I'm done. I'd rather put books back on a shelf, check their books at the checkout, check their library card, and answer the question "Do you have x book here?" 1000 times.

Have you been tested for ADHD or ADD?

The reason I am asking is that sometimes when people of high intelligence have ADHD or ADD it looks like what you look like: you get good grades, because your IQ is good, but when it comes to enduring things it's painful (because your dopamine in certain areas is naturally low). For many highly intelligent and intelligent people with ADHD or ADD, it's not clearly recognized because the higher intelligence allows you to sort of try to fit in... and so people just function sub-optimally. If you do get diagnosed and go on Concerta or Ritalin, please make sure to take off days on the weekend so you don't overload your dopamine. You need to include off days.

I'm going mask off here and just want to conclude by saying: if you're really hot and looking for a house husband, let me know. I'll do anything at this point. I'll dress in a bear costume and dance on a fucking ball if you pay me. I'll dress like a maid. I don't give a fuck anymore, whatever.

Are you male or female? Are you gay or straight? The avatar has confused me about what is going on, plus the feminine sounding username. Does this mean you're a bottom? Sorry, you probably weren't serious but this would be helpful information for people to know. I'm not hot so probably not what you want (but I'm also crazy and can't perceive visual information correctly, so if I were hot, I wouldn't actually know possibly).

If you're NEET, and have been NEET for 3 years, have you considered volunteering just to pad your resume? Or is that too hard because of the ADHD?

AI is going to replace so many jobs that UBI will be here by 2040 (if we haven't all died in an apocalypse). 14 years away. How have you been getting by the past 3 years?

I would guess 98% chance you have had ADHD or ADD and don't know it.

 

[Spite]

Wageslavery is hell. It is perhaps my main reason for wanting to cut my life short and die sooner rather than later.

I can relate to a lot of things here. Not in regards to the teaching profession stuff, I have no experience with that, but just... how pointless it all feels. Working a 9-to-5. Enslaving my body and having to work my life away being somewhere I don't want to be, surrounded by people I don't want to be around, doing stuff I don't want to do, just to survive and get by. I genuinely feel suicidal thinking that this is most likely going to be the rest of my life - clocking in at 6AM, spending most of the day slaving away, then coming home too tired and drained to do anything else. I seriously can't imagine doing this for another 40+ years, what the fuck. It shouldn't be like this, and I hate that this society is structured in a way so that being a wagecuck is a NECESSITY and you HAVE to do it, lest we want to end up homeless/resourceless. It's brutal. It's bullshit.

Furthermore, it absolutely baffles me how it seems as though the majority of people in life never seem to question this. They just... go with the flow, do what they do, and are seemingly okay with it. How do they do it?? How the fuck do people wageslave for 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, doing the same boring, soul-crushing routine day-in and day-out? It is unfathomable to me.

I read your story... and the main thing I deducted from it is how unfair and competitive the workforce is. It's like... you always have a boss in life, and you are at their mercy, they dictate whether you get that job, whether you keep that job, move up in that job. I hate it. I hate this dog-eat-dog, rat race planet. Can we just chill? Is that too much to ask?

I wish I had some kind of magic solution to all of this that guarantees life satisfaction, comfort, happiness, peace... I really do. I'm sorry that life is like this. I really wish it wasn't. I definitely get days (more often as of late) where I have seriously thought to myself that it would have just been better to have never existed.

Why does life have to be so difficult?

 

[witchcraft]

Ha

Have you been tested for ADHD or ADD?

The reason I am asking is that sometimes when people of high intelligence have ADHD or ADD it looks like what you look like: you get good grades, because your IQ is good, but when it comes to enduring things it's painful (because your dopamine in certain areas is naturally low). For many highly intelligent and intelligent people with ADHD or ADD, it's not clearly recognized because the higher intelligence allows you to sort of try to fit in... and so people just function sub-optimally. If you do get diagnosed and go on Concerta or Ritalin, please make sure to take off days on the weekend so you don't overload your dopamine. You need to include off days.

Are you male or female? Are you gay or straight? The avatar has confused me about what is going on, plus the feminine sounding username. Does this mean you're a bottom? Sorry, you probably weren't serious but this would be helpful information for people to know. I'm not hot so probably not what you want (but I'm also crazy and can't perceive visual information correctly, so if I were hot, I wouldn't actually know possibly).

If you're NEET, and have been NEET for 3 years, have you considered volunteering just to pad your resume? Or is that too hard because of the ADHD?

AI is going to replace so many jobs that UBI will be here by 2040 (if we haven't all died in an apocalypse). 14 years away. How have you been getting by the past 3 years?

I would guess 98% chance you have had ADHD or ADD and don't know it.

Hey fadedghost, thanks for the reply. I am a straight dude who is effeminate. lol. My username is a long story—I barely dabble in secular tarot (religion has me perma-worried my deck is cursed by the demonic and I'm slightly superstitious when it comes to such things). My username just comes from being wrongly accused of cheating in a video game some years ago. Got banned at the stake like a witch. The Crucible became more relatable since then.

I was partly being serious about the house-husband thing but partly not; I'm honestly easily scared by relationships because I struggle with maintaining my own boundaries including time and space and sheer identity (EVEN IF the other person respects them), and online dating has a particular difficulty for me which is... uh, in real life I can decide quietly in my head if I am physically attracted to someone, but online it's possible to be in a situation where you like someone's personality (from what can be ascertained over text / voice call) and convey that to them, but then it's really really awkward once you progress to the stage of seeing them and don't personally find them attractive. If that makes sense. It's unintentionally hurtful, makes me think I'm a shallow person, and so I avoid it altogether.

I have wondered if I have undiagnosed ADHD since I was about 20 (five+ years ago now). However, since ~17 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. You know how people say not to diagnose yourself and all that, and the therapists wanted to focus on the depression and anxiety. Despite the co-morbidity, this became progressively harder to shake as time went on and I built a medical history which followed me from therapist to therapist. I've tried adderall three times in the past, not my prescription, I didn't take the full dose but cut it in half. Unfortunately I don't remember many details except that it seemed to make my brain very quiet and focused but my personality was completely nuked into nothingness. I don't recall it necessarily hampering my creativity but it didn't help with that either. Seemed much more worker-drone oriented in its intended effects.

Speaking of medications, I was prescribed Wellbutrin for the depression and it gave me headaches but otherwise seemed(?) to help a little bit. I took that for about 6 months and that was it. I felt better for a little while, I guess, graduated high school and stopped taking it. Don't remember the name but an anti-anxiety med gave me insane, unbelievable anxiety and the most horrific nightmares I've ever experienced for a week straight, even for a couple days after I stopped taking it. Other than those, I've never been prescribed any psych meds. I've rode the white pony before and that was pretty fun, but no other hard drugs / serious prescriptions.

I tried volunteering at my local church when they sent out an email that they needed help delivering food to certain people in the community, maybe a few dozen meals every other week. Eventually the pastor got back to me that "actually, so-and-so and so-and-so are going to do it." Already a struggling Christian who doesn't like church, I took this as a sign to return to agnosticism and ditch the cross necklace.

I may try volunteering at my local library. I have only been getting by the past three years because of my mom mainly, and I can tell she is getting fed up with the situation. My parents are well-meaning boomers but they either don't listen or don't understand (sometimes both). My mom thought it was okay to tell me that hey, there is a girl at work barely younger than you, showed me a picture and she is attractive—I'll help you contact her if you get a job. That's the point my mom is at now. Well, I don't know what pictures my mom showed to this girl, presumably family photos, but she said I'm "cute." In my experience, that is a bad sign. I've since put that crap out of my mind entirely.

If I had to guess, my IQ is significantly above average but not in the range of what is considered "genius" or whatever. And I think the past three years of NEETing without physical activity + abusing alcohol and nicotine too much have dulled my brain a bit. I just quit alcohol and I want to quit nicotine in hopes that the sharpness comes back but idk. Some of it's probably just in my head anyway, or a natural result of being very depressed and stressed.

Wageslavery is hell. It is perhaps my main reason for wanting to cut my life short and die sooner rather than later.

I can relate to a lot of things here. Not in regards to the teaching profession stuff, I have no experience with that, but just... how pointless it all feels. Working a 9-to-5. Enslaving my body and having to work my life away being somewhere I don't want to be, surrounded by people I don't want to be around, doing stuff I don't want to do, just to survive and get by. I genuinely feel suicidal thinking that this is most likely going to be the rest of my life - clocking in at 6AM, spending most of the day slaving away, then coming home too tired and drained to do anything else. I seriously can't imagine doing this for another 40+ years, what the fuck. It shouldn't be like this, and I hate that this society is structured in a way so that being a wagecuck is a NECESSITY and you HAVE to do it, lest we want to end up homeless/resourceless. It's brutal. It's bullshit.

Furthermore, it absolutely baffles me how it seems as though the majority of people in life never seem to question this. They just... go with the flow, do what they do, and are seemingly okay with it. How do they do it?? How the fuck do people wageslave for 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, doing the same boring, soul-crushing routine day-in and day-out? It is unfathomable to me.

I read your story... and the main thing I deducted from it is how unfair and competitive the workforce is. It's like... you always have a boss in life, and you are at their mercy, they dictate whether you get that job, whether you keep that job, move up in that job. I hate it. I hate this dog-eat-dog, rat race planet. Can we just chill? Is that too much to ask?

I wish I had some kind of magic solution to all of this that guarantees life satisfaction, comfort, happiness, peace... I really do. I'm sorry that life is like this. I really wish it wasn't. I definitely get days (more often as of late) where I have seriously thought to myself that it would have just been better to have never existed.

Why does life have to be so difficult?

Couldn't have said it any better myself.

On your point about being at the mercy of an employer (whether you are applying for the job or have the job), this is one of my biggest hang-ups when it comes to self-worth. I can appreciate the importance of self-worth to an extent, but beyond a certain point it doesn't matter how you talk to yourself or how you feel about yourself, when all the self-worth in the world don't magically make bills go away (let alone wage slavery), nor change the economy / job market. If other people deem you're not popular, you will not be popular—doesn't mean you can't be happy or whatever, but this has undeniable and measurable, observable consequences. If other people deem you're not fit for the job, for whatever reason stupid or logical, you're not getting the job. I like a few of the long-form YouTube videos I've made but my personal opinion about their worth / my worth does not suddenly, magically generate millions of views, hundreds of thousands of subs or something.

Absolute self-worth only really seems to be a rich person privilege. You can afford to not give a shit what anybody thinks of you or anything you do / create when you retired at birth.

Everybody has two different kinds or levels of worth. Their self-worth and the worth determined by other people. There might be a small zone of overlap between them, if you can picture a venn diagram, but that's about it.

Obviously if you hate yourself then all of these things become even more difficult than they already are. Of course it's important to not blame oneself for things that you can't control. But such an understanding still only goes so far. The things you can't control continue to have a real, tangible, measurable impact on daily life and the future by extension.

I openly admit to not applying to thousands of jobs like people unironically say I *need* to be doing, and the main reason why I have only applied to a few jobs here and there every month is what you already said in your reply.

There are some things I might like to try, like library work or maybe building / working on / diagnosing computers. But I do not have connections, I'm not a very good self-starter + self-motivator (i.e. autodidact), I'm swiss-cheesed with doubt, and you need a prohibitive amount of money to so much as simply TRY OUT anything nowadays. I'm already ~30k in debt still from going to university, thank you society and a big round of applause to my past self. Also a moment of silence for my past self please.

 

[interna]

extremely real

 

[Gomomon]

(decided to put the tl;dr at the top) It's gg. Wageslavery makes me suicidal. Trying and failing to find new wage-enslavement makes me suicidal. My $60,000 "skillz" are not transferrable. I'm killing myself. I'm not putting any more fries in the bag or saying Welcome to Starbucks one more God damn time. Fuck off, you can't make me. I'm a burden on my mom because I can't find a job that doesn't make me want to jump in battery acid and light myself on fire. I'm ending it all. It's over and there is no way out and nobody helps anybody in this fucking hellscape of a society. The way that people respond to people in my position makes it very clear that I am supposed to kill myself, that that's what I should do. Maybe not the people on here, but the people literally anywhere and everywhere else. There is no sympathy. There is no empathy. There is no help. There are no solutions. They mock, they sneer, they ridicule, they take a hot steaming pile of a shit on you. Anything but a helping hand or a lifeline. Fuck this place and fuck this life.

I'm going mask off here and just want to conclude by saying: if you're really hot and looking for a house husband, let me know. I'll do anything at this point. I'll dress in a bear costume and dance on a fucking ball if you pay me. I'll dress like a maid. I don't give a fuck anymore, whatever.

------

This is going to be long, sorry. Idk what to do anymore... maybe work at a library or something like that, but that's really competitive (like trying to get any job nowadays) and most positions require a specific degree to even be considered. I've recently searched online at the two dozen libraries within 45 minutes of me and there's no available positions even posted. Every time I think of a way out, I get cucked in this exact way. My hopes get instantaneously destroyed. I am being tortured by the universe.

Anyway, the context leading to my current situation is that I got scammed. How are you supposed to know you want to do something so badly for the rest of your damn life that you're willing to invest tens of thousands of dollars and years of your life at a university BEFORE even actually doing the job a single fucking time? The whole system is ass-backward. There has to be a better, simpler, easier way to learn the basics of almost anything that isn't life-or-death. Like, obviously being a doctor or lawyer should require an extensive amount of schooling and oversight because of the huge responsibility those people have. But to work as a mere teller at a bank? To organize books on shelves at a library? Really???

I actually have a degree in Secondary English Education, and it's nothing more than a useless ~$60,000 paperweight for anything other than literally only being a teacher. The whole "transferrable skills" thing appears to be a giant lie. Then people move the goalposts and say, well, you didn't work for long enough as a teacher. Correct, because it was horrible, I barely finished my internship. My supervisor was a horrible human being, one of my mentor teachers yelled at me twice (yes, yelled) for honest mistakes and accused me of not trying when I literally couldn't have been trying any harder. I barely graduated. I had a 3.8 GPA with honors and half a dozen scholarships and I barely survived the internship.

There's a sub-reddit called teachersintransition, iirc. Basically it's people in my predicament. Except 99% of them are not. Most of them taught in schools for many years. Some of them have master's degrees. Most of them are from a different time, a whole ass different generation with connections I do not possess. Most of them are still actively working, not actively a NEET for 3+ years like me. In the past I tried posting for help there, and people were thankfully sympathetic, but none of the advice helped me. Because every time I sought out the careers they recommend to transition into, those positions always require their own separate degree, or 4-5 years of past work experience. FOR AN ENTRY LEVEL POSITION.

ENTRY. You can't even get your foot in the door because you can't even knock on the God damn door, nobody will answer, you will be ignored unless you're shoving the degree+experience into the doorbell camera / peephole. They say apply anyway! I did. Still here in mom's basement. Thanks.

My thinking back in 2019 in my early 20s was, "I don't know what I want to do with my life. That is an absurd thing to try and know. I think about it and I think about it, I think really hard, and no answer comes. No answer at all. But I kind of like helping people (one on one)... I'm good at English and I like language, reading... I guess it makes sense. But if it turns out I don't like it, surely it would be worth SOMETHING to someone."

No. I am worth nothing to nobody, and should off myself. If you're not a unicorn that we can lowball like the scum we are, then fuck off and die—the motto of every employer. I'd rather have my body put in a bag than go back to putting fries in the bag. I've served my prison sentence in customer service multiple times, totaling to several years including the years I was also going to university full-time. AT THE SAME TIME. Sorry but no thanks.

I don't know why I'm posting this. Nobody can help me. I guess I just needed to vent I guess, I don't have any other expectation.

If you really want to know why I hated teaching so much, it actually had very little to do with the kids. The job just fucking blows. I got a firsthand understanding of how fucked the American educational system is. Every day is a giant disservice. It's glorified babysitting with a whole load of extra work and stress and expectations that cannot be met. And the attitude behind it all is that it's a "Noble Profession." That's how they justify the overwork and underpay. That's how they justify the Sisyphean uphill battle. And I even did my internship at a wealthy school. It doesn't matter where you go, the problems are the same, just in varying severity.

You don't work 40 hours. You work 40 hours, and then you grade papers for another 10 (at least), you commute another 5, you stay late for meetings, you go in on the days when students get to stay home because you have to redesign the school district's English curriculum with teachers from all the schools, you have to make daily phone calls, plan lessons for the next day + rest of the week + next week, send emails, file paperwork, and partake in extracurriculars for the kids. It is an 80 hour a week job, and you get paid for half of it. I don't give a fuck about the summers off. Pay me a million dollars a year or forget about it.

I want nothing to do with teaching anymore. Nothing. I don't want to teach adults, I don't want to teach in a workplace. I'm over it. I am traumatized by it. I hate it. All the bureaucratic busywork and busybodies. I'm done. I'd rather put books back on a shelf, check their books at the checkout, check their library card, and answer the question "Do you have x book here?" 1000 times.

I just wanted to say your way of writing kinda cracks me up, esp the house husband part. I basically know a friend who has a boyfriend that does just that, I guess it's kind of luck of the draw with those things. I'm still in my early 2O's, jumping around left and right trying to find what major I give the most fucks about, which is ultimately none of them. I'm just trying to waste time and push away that dead-end 9-5 job like Starbucks. I haven't worked with education but I once loved animals so much and wanted to be a vet or work in shelters, so I got a job at like a Dog boarding school and actually discovered the horrors of what it's like trying to manage basically a bunch of toddlers with everyone yelling at you and making you work extra to clean. Nothing is as good or as magical as we think it's going to be, and these horrible, low-paying careers/degrees will ultimately get us nowhere, so yeah, it's a hard pill to swallow. I don't really know what to do either. Is it possible you could teach at a community online? I dont know so much from the perspective of the teachers, but it doesn't seem like they dont have to do as much, they just make a course, have videos on the ready. Sometimes they don't even grade anything and Canvas just automatically does that for them.

 

[fadedghost]

try to get tested for adhd when you can. having no personality and feeling like a drone is what makes work tolerable. it's how much of the world feels. you don't have to take anything on the weekend. just think about it.

you need a psychiatrist, not a therapist, and you need to say "i think i was wrongly diagnosed with depression and anxiety, when really i had an adaptive disorder due to undiagnosed ADHD and want to be tested." look up any of those terms you don't know. they give you testing, you either have ADHD or you don't. there's liability for them because in order to do this properly, they should take you off the antidepressant and antianxiety medicaitons if any you take and then do the test. But if you offed yourself during that time, they could get sued. They are reluctant to go against each other's past diagnosis, which is why you have to say "what if i didn't have anxiety and depression but was distressed by my circumstances caused by not adapting properly to the world, which I couldn't do because of ADHD." good luck