Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
It's not I went away and tried to recover but it didn't work so I'm back. On the contrary I never made any attempt to recover. I don't think it's possible. I'm actually quite determined to end it now I just don't want to do it without feeling like I didn't get things done. I came back because I needed to talk to a couple of members. I also wanted to post a second part of my playlist but I'm having second thoughts. At this point I'm surprised I care if it's not perfect but that's me all or nothing. It would be better put on youtube but they're not going to stand for it and as for going through the legal loopholes of trying to be given permission that's beyond my reach. There's also a video I'm trying to make of me and my friends when life was good. Still funny but kind of hard to watch now knowing all those things are gone. Youtube hopefully won't have any problems with that but you never know. Life seems determined to make me give up before I can even complete these tasks. Phones decided to break on me. Weed supplies dried up. It would be easier to just die. I know I don't have to do these things but I want to. It's important to me I've left something behind and it wasn't all for nothing even if I never expected it to be the height of my accomplishments. Last clip is from end of 2003. Born in 1986 so there's a certain poetry about it ending in 2020. I see little point in going forward from here. Dying relatively young seems the best way to offset wasting so much time. Makes a kind of twisted sense in my mind anyway. Went straight from education to retirement and skipped everything inbetween
