I'm sorry. I owe an explanation.

[Rue89]

I'm sorry I just deleted my post and left without explanation last night. My brother was still awake and it was not safe for me to ctb. With my history of backing out I was too ashamed and embarrassed to tell the truth. I was sure nobody would believe me. I even disabled my account. But I really don't want to die alone, so I returned. If even one person still believes me and will be with me as I go... Living with family sucks. It makes ctb even more difficult. Now my mom is home so I guess it's back to my original plan to ctb at the park. I don't know exactly when I'll be able to, just asap. When I do, I'll probably post very shortly before or I don't know, maybe even after I drink the SN, so not sure anyone will even see it in time but anyways.. Sorry again for being so stupid.

 

[so tired or manic]

it's okay. thank you for admitting. that's something i can have a hard time with too.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

Why are you sorry? There's no shame in not going through with it. You have nothing to be embarrassed for whatsoever.

 

[falloutcarter13]

Don't worry, and don't feel any pressure to die - that's your decision, every part of it, and nobody here or anywhere else should have anything to say about that. I think almost everybody here doesn't *want* anybody else to die, I know I don't. I would say that maybe waiting for a good opportunity (4+ hours of total privacy at home) would be way better than a public place like a park...even at 3am or something, you never know when or if a couple of 13 year olds are gonna show up to bang each other and do crystal meth. Point is there's no guarantee you won't be found and "helped" at the park. If you really want to go and don't want help, waking up in the ER to be kicked over to the psych ward is definitely not going to be something you'll enjoy. But for as long as you're here, *I* won't think any less of you ((hug))

 

[Deleted member 17949]

No reason to be ashamed bro, when and how you go is a personal choice and the opinions of others don't matter. Its okay to back out.

 

[socrates]

There is absolutely no reason to be sorry. You have every right to stop your CTB attempt at any point. I suspect many people read them hoping that they decide against it. Heck I know I do. You can take as many attempts as you want, there is no shame in it. It's your life you chose if you live or die.

 

[falloutcarter13]

Also, I forgot to mention it Rue...but selfishly I was glad to see a post from you and I'm glad you're still around. I know you're miserable, but you don't want to rush this decision and do it wrong, if you're gonna do it at all.

 

[Rue89]

Thank you all. I honestly was not expecting this level of support. <3

 

[TAW122]

Welcome back, I'm sorry that your personal circumstances prevented you from finding peace and whatever you decide to do, I hope you are able to find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Hiraeth]

rue my dear!!!! do not ever feel rushed or pressured or anything!!! that's not what the site is meant for, this is your space to try and back out as much as you want until you find your perfect time to go.

 

[InterstateFlowers]

Hi Rue! I don't have a lot to say that hasn't already been said but I support you! You don't owe anyone an apology and we're just glad you're okay. Thank you for having the courage to talk to us. Thank you!

 

[HeavyOne]

Welcome back!
There is no need to be sorry... And please, do not feel any pressure on your shoulders!
I suppose it wasn't easy writing this message... It was a pure, candid act of kindness and bravery!

 

[whywere]

I agree with alot of other people here, WELCOME BACK! It took alot of bravery and you are a true class act and I am thankful that you are with us!

 

[Brackenshire]

Very glad to see you back @rue89

 

[Meditation guide]

Hi Rue! No one here is going to judge you for that. We all understand and have complete agreement on that. In fact we are glad you are still around! I hope you do let us know what happens next for you on your journey.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Glad to see you're back here for a bit longer Rue! Wishing you the best

 

[Toobrokentofix]

Glad you are still with us Rue.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

There is nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about.
I think most people on here don't want other members to ctb without being fully sure and ready, and are glad when they decide to stick around if just for a little bit longer.
Whatever you decide to do should be fully down to you, please don't feel like people here expect you to act one way or another or that there is any undue pressure just because this is a 'pro-choice' site.
Or that you have to ctb by a certain timeframe just because you said so in a post, or even ctb at all.

 

[MsMaudlin]

Nothing to apologise for, we understand! (I did it myself!)
Sending you hugs
❤

 

[Greenberg]

No need to apologize. Welcome home!