Venting I'm sorry, from my grave.

[KarmaKat]

I'm starting to resent all the people that love me.

for a while, all the care and attention kept me going, it made me feel heard and wanted, but after a while that rope snapped under the weight too.

now all that love just makes leaving even more painful, I'm sorry to disappoint but I'm not the kind of person to have a change of heart because someone asked "are you okay?" for the 10th time this week.

it doesn't work like the movies.

and then that love starts to come bundled with frustration, because being there isn't enough and now their ropes are fraying too.

"What is wrong with you?" – I don't know.

"What more do you need?" – I don't know.

"I can't take this anymore." – me too.

it's funny how the good things end up becoming pain in the end, I can't leave this place I didn't ask to be thrown into without first being put through Hell.

that would be too kind.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

I'm starting to resent all the people that love me.

for a while, all the care and attention kept me going, it made me feel heard and wanted, but after a while that rope snapped under the weight too.

I can only relate to this in so far as opposed to you I can tell them exactly what's wrong and missing in my life, but I simply don't feel understood most of the time and even when I rarely do there's simply nothing they can do to help me because it's mostly things that are out of their power to change that made my life slowly but surely the living hell it is today. At the same time I'm constantly urged by them to hold on and keep trying this or that which already exhausted me to the limit but to no avail at this point.

now all that love just makes leaving even more painful, I'm sorry to disappoint but I'm not the kind of person to have a change of heart because someone asked "are you okay?" for the 10th time this week.

it doesn't work like the movies.

and then that love starts to come bundled with frustration, because being there isn't enough and now their ropes are fraying too.

Yet, somehow according to them I'm supposed to keep going on through this endless tunnel with no light in sight. No even bothers asking me whether I'm okay at this point anymore, most likely because it is so obvious and has been for years that I'm not nearly okay.
It really does lead me to resent them at this point, because I feel not seen as the human with my reasonable desires anymore, but simply a machine that is expected to perform at the task of life, absent any inherent or even intrinsically motivated feeling of fulfilment or meaning for me to grasp. It's so exhausting.

I know this doesn't provide any solution to your problem whatsoever, but I still wanted to at least show you, that you are not alone with this, even tho it might be for slightly different underlying causes that in your particular case.

Maybe someone else can provide something more helpful.