kult
Member
- Sep 9, 2026
- 6
I'm sobbing right now, I genuinely just sat here for 5 minutes trying to remember the word motivation. FUCKING MOTIVATION. A few months ago I was diagnosed with inattentive adhd, I know It's been developing for about a year because I've been having trouble with my memory for over a year now, I used to have a perfect memory. At first it started with me forgetting how to solve mathematical equations, now I can't even remember what I learned last week, and now it's starting to affect my reading, writing, and speech, I used to have perfect grammar but just now I almost spent speech as speach. I'm forgetting the simplest words and it's genuinely devastating, sometimes in the middle of conversations I'll genuinely just give up on the conversation because I can't remember words that even 1st graders know. In my diagnosis the brain people who diagnosed me added a note saying that I have trouble remembering things, I've been complaining about my memory to my mom for well over a year. A few days ago my mother, the woman I came out of, looked me in my eyes after I told her that I have trouble remembering things and said "no you don't" WOW you're right! I don't, you've cured me! I'm going to fucking kill myself. I genuinely see no future for myself, the government doesn't believe I'm disabled enough, my school doesn't think I'm as disabled as my diagnosis says, even my own mother doesn't believe it's as bad as I tell her. I've been diagnosed with adhd, autism, social anxiety disorder, and disgraphia. All of these things that are genuinely ruining my life, yet I'm not receiving help for ANY of it. I'm not medicated and apparently my disorders are not bad enough for me to receive basic accommodations, or even be believed. I feel that my life is already over before it even started. It's such a silly concept that a single decision like refusing to give me the accommodations that I need to function like a normal person can make me end my life. I know i'm such a sensitive bitch, but I think the only way I can get out of this is to kill myself, before I become like an alcoholic and gamble away my grandma or something like that. No like I GENUINELY think I'd be of more use to the economy and society in general if somebody made a snuff film out of me and sold it, actually I wish somebody would. I probably sound like a total snowflake but it's genuinely such a terrible feeling to have nobody believe me even when I am literally diagnosed. I spent my whole life watching my mom favor my older sister and I always thought it was because she's autistic, like when I was 5 I broke my arm because my brother pushed off a bed and my mom waited til the next day to take me to the hospital because my sister didn't want to go. My mother neglected my health so that my sister wouldn't throw a tantrum but I can't even get one "I believe you" when I tell her the same thing the people who diagnosed me told her. I wish I had a rope so I could just hang myself right now. I have no hopes and dreams, my only hope is that my death is quick and mostly painless. Honestly I kind of hope somebody just throws me in a psych ward or something. because as much as I want to die I also want to be seen. I just wish that somebody would care about ME and not just my physical health. Also holy shit Long ass lore drop lol. Also is there a way for me to strangle myself without hanging myself? I want to die before I become completely stupid.
