Venting Im so tired

[astrichaoz]

I want to die. I know that's obvious considering the site this is being posted on but I just need to get it out so feel free to ignore lol. I'm so so sick of being alive. I'm a horrible person with absolutely no talents or anything worthy.

I have practically no friends, two of them left me, I stopped texting one day and we never talked again, its been about 3 months now. I understand it, I know I'm not the easiest person to be around sometimes. I'm just so sick of caring and loving people so much just for others to not give a single shit about me. It just hurts. I already feel so unlovable and unworthy and it just fuels it further.

I just can't wait to be dead, I'm longing for next March. I really hope everything goes smoothly, I've had multiple failed suicide attempts in the past and I just can't fail this time. My chest hurts. I have moments when I'm happy sure, like when I'm engaging in one of the very few interests I still have, but ultimately I'm typically just a sad, anxious, or empty mess.

I know my family isn't going to take my passing well probably, but I really don't care, as horrible as that sounds. I'm miserable and tired, this is just something I have to do. I wasn't put on this earth to live long, dying early, ending my life, is destined for me. I want to go now but have no reliable methods yet.

I'm literally only going to dorms for college so I have a way to order stuff for my plan because my packages get checked now since my last attempt. I know that I'm not smart enough to go far in life or do anything great. I'm just truly a waste of space, I don't matter, I'm a horrible, rotten, ugly person who is so bitter due to their own misery and I'm just so ready to die, I can't wait.

Thanks for reading if you got this far lol, also as just a personal question, if anyone knows how easy it is to get packages sent to dorms and if colleges check packages please let me know, it'll be my first time in college and in a dorm in general so I want it to go smoothly. Thanks so much.

 

[sugarh1gh]

I am so sorry things haven't been going well.

Honestly, if you are worried about getting your package checked by your family, you could use one of the PO boxes nearby.

In terms of getting things shipped to college dorm, usually they don't care what you are getting. Unless it is obvious on the package that it is dangerous, people are not going to have suspicions.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd be looking forward to finally being free from this existence, I hope that you find the freedom you search for.