I'm so tired

[durdendeath]

I'm a new kid compared to you guys here and I'm still learning the ropes on how to behave here. I've tried to kill myself using seroquel and ativan, both of them just left me paralysed and one of them made me woke up with a catheter stuck up my genitals. My parents have made fun of my suicide note and the doctors ended up shouting at me and then tried to say the negative feelings are just all in my head.

I'm not normal anymore, my major depression has given me paranoia and it has turned to distrust and hallucinations, I've been diagnosed as delusional when I'm sure I'm not. I know people talk about me behind my back and I know they're all watching me like a clown. My arms are filled with scars. I don't think I can bring someone to bed without them being distracted by the fact I SH nor I can tell them my revelations of how shit this world actually is. I'm thinking of using SN and antiemetic the next time I kill myself for good.

I'm no good, I am filled with rage and distrust. I hate everything and everyone. If I can't kill everyone I hate, I might as well kill myself

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrible what you've been through, to me it's certainly understandable feeling so tired of it all, this world undeniably is so hellish to me.