i’m so tired. i just want to die.

[rottingangel]

i can't do this shit anymore. i keep trying and trying to ctb, but i don't have access to any effective means. i've attempted to slit my wrists god knows how many times. i tried to overdose on otc medication. i tried to hang myself with a short rope. i've purposefully eaten foods that i'm allergic to and entered anaphylactic shock. but i was hospitalized after any attempts that were even marginally close to being successful, and it all just prolonged my suffering.

after lurking on this site for months, i've decided i want to use SN. seems highly effective. i've been saving up money for months to buy SN and a testing kit. i'm so ready to find peace. i don't know where to buy the SN yet, but i plan on DM-ing someone soon. i will get on that bus, one way or another.

 

[Lo$t95]

Can I ask what went wrong with the hanging attempt? That's my chosen method so have been really OCD about the timing and setup recently- stresses me out when other people change their minds away from hanging.

I don't expect an answer but would appreciate it. Sorry for your suffering.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Im rooting for you and am in the same boat of past attempts. Honestly, we are gucci and gonna make it this year!! :D

 

[rottingangel]

Can I ask what went wrong with the hanging attempt? That's my chosen method so have been really OCD about the timing and setup recently- stresses me out when other people change their minds away from hanging.

I don't expect an answer but would appreciate it. Sorry for your suffering.

hanging was actually involved in one of my more successful attempts. i had a near-death experience, and i really thought i'd finally made it. but that attempt was really rushed and had one major flaw: i was already in the hospital when i tried to hang myself.

story start: i have a really bad traumaversay every year in february where i have insane flashbacks and i get so dissociated that i think i'm back in the past. as a result, i either try to contact my old abusers or i try to ctb to avoid future abuse. i've done this every year without fail for several years now. last year and the year before, i was hospitalized during this traumaversary. to my doctors' surprise, that didn't prevent me from trying to ctb.

i hung myself on the doorknob with a bedsheet. i was on q15 observation, so i had exactly 15 minutes by myself before a staff member would come in to check on me. i lost consciousness, but apparently, a few minutes in, the doorknob gave out. i woke up to find that i'd face-planted on the floor (bruised my lip, crushed my nose, and made one of my front teeth wiggly), and a mental health technician came into my room a few minutes after. so i obviously got caught and was placed on a higher level of observation. story end.

i would attempt to hang myself again if all else fails; i'd just need to test the weight-bearing load for whatever i plan to hang from first. i will say, i honestly think the bedsheets were a solid choice. i've tried short-hanging with thin rope/cord once before but it was sooooo uncomfortable. i think i hung for about 20-30 seconds, and my vision was black when the cord gave out. yet again, i'd faced the issue of weight-bearing load. i felt like a wuss, but then i found out that thin ropes and cords cause way more pain. will literally never do that again.

but yeah, that's my hanging journey. i only switched to SN because it seems far more effective for way less guesswork and pain. hanging is still my second choice, unless i magically stumble across a loaded gun or something.

Im rooting for you and am in the same boat of past attempts. Honestly, we are gucci and gonna make it this year!! :D

i really appreciate the encouragement! really hope i don't make it past february tbh. just gotta do this right.

 

[Lo$t95]

hanging was actually involved in one of my more successful attempts. i had a near-death experience, and i really thought i'd finally made it. but that attempt was really rushed and had one major flaw: i was already in the hospital when i tried to hang myself.

story start: i have a really bad traumaversay every year in february where i have insane flashbacks and i get so dissociated that i think i'm back in the past. as a result, i either try to contact my old abusers or i try to ctb to avoid future abuse. i've done this every year without fail for several years now. last year and the year before, i was hospitalized during this traumaversary. to my doctors' surprise, that didn't prevent me from trying to ctb.

i hung myself on the doorknob with a bedsheet. i was on q15 observation, so i had exactly 15 minutes by myself before a staff member would come in to check on me. i lost consciousness, but apparently, a few minutes in, the doorknob gave out. i woke up to find that i'd face-planted on the floor (bruised my lip, crushed my nose, and made one of my front teeth wiggly), and a mental health technician came into my room a few minutes after. so i obviously got caught and was placed on a higher level of observation. story end.

i would attempt to hang myself again if all else fails; i'd just need to test the weight-bearing load for whatever i plan to hang from first. i will say, i honestly think the bedsheets were a solid choice. i've tried short-hanging with thin rope/cord once before but it was sooooo uncomfortable. i think i hung for about 20-30 seconds, and my vision was black when the cord gave out. yet again, i'd faced the issue of weight-bearing load. i felt like a wuss, but then i found out that thin ropes and cords cause way more pain. will literally never do that again.

but yeah, that's my hanging journey. i only switched to SN because it seems far more effective for way less guesswork and pain. hanging is still my second choice, unless i magically stumble across a loaded gun or something.

Thanks for the reply - much appreciated.

Yeah I got the materials I need for 3 times my weight and a solid spot with a metal anchor in the middle of nowhere.

I understand why you are going for SN as a preferred method though in your experience hanging has made things worse by the sound of it.

 

[rottingangel]

Thanks for the reply - much appreciated.

Yeah I got the materials I need for 3 times my weight and a solid spot with a metal anchor in the middle of nowhere.

I understand why you are going for SN as a preferred method though in your experience hanging has made things worse by the sound of it.

sounds like a solid plan. wishing you peace.

 

[human909]

I hope you find peace

 

[cali22♡]

Hello, I feel you very much... Nobody lets me take the path of peace. Sn is available in every Polish organic market

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds dreadful what you've been through, I find it so cruel how trying to die can go wrong and lead to even more suffering, I also feel tired of it all and just want to be gone, to never suffer ever again is all I hope for, I really understand just wanting to be free from it all. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find the peace you search for.