Venting Im so mentally tired

[Wilt-On-High]

I'm just so fucking miserable y'know.
Even though I come off as happy and chirpy and whatnot I'm just rotting inside.
I'm a horrible person. Really...
My hygiene is really fucking bad.
I can't even bring myself to shower regularly anymore because it's so tiring
HECK! I don't even eat properly anymore.
I either eat something unhealthy like pot noodles or nothing at all

It's either a slow death where my body will probably give out from all of the junk I've been giving it or I die from suicide.

I've ruined my arm with self harm and it'll never be the same again, I'm trying not to relapse but it's getting too Damn hard.
I just wish my survival instincts-
Wait...is it even my survival instincts anymore?
Or am I just afraid that when I die i won't be able to listen to music and do stuff anymore?

Who knows...

 

[nails]

i understand how exhausting simply existing is, especially when you're already suffering. i know daily tasks can become grueling chores when you're struggling like this, i don't think it says anything about you as a person. it's a vicious cycle: being extremely depressed, feeling exhausted from that depression, struggling to do basic tasks because you're so exhausted, feeling even more depressed because you couldn't do those tasks.

i commend you for your efforts in trying to avoid relapsing. getting clean from sh is not an easy job, there will likely be relapses along the way, but i recognize your effort no matter what and you should be proud of yourself.

i'm sorry you're going through this. i hope things get easier for you and you find some peace. feel free to reach out if you need anything.

 

[Wilt-On-High]

i understand how exhausting simply existing is, especially when you're already suffering. i know daily tasks can become grueling chores when you're struggling like this, i don't think it says anything about you as a person. it's a vicious cycle: being extremely depressed, feeling exhausted from that depression, struggling to do basic tasks because you're so exhausted, feeling even more depressed because you couldn't do those tasks.

i commend you for your efforts in trying to avoid relapsing. getting clean from sh is not an easy job, there will likely be relapses along the way, but i recognize your effort no matter what and you should be proud of yourself.

i'm sorry you're going through this. i hope things get easier for you and you find some peace. feel free to reach out if you need anything.

Thank you.
I just feel so dirty and disgusting
And I just feel so worthless.