Venting Im so lonely. If anyond would just talk to me tonight id be super grateful.

[endofafoxtwo]

I am seriously considering CTB this coming morning. I have just been falling lower and lower in life, I am out of money, and have literally nobody.
My mother, father, and only sibling abused me me entire life. I have no friends or extended family. Every time I try to make friends online, I end up getting deeply hurt, which always confuses me to no end. All I have ever wanted is to support and uplift other people. When I am in need however, I am always lone. I'm not saying I am owed anything, I am not. I am just saying that this state of affairs breaks my heart.
The only thing keeping me alive right now, ironically, is self pity.
I look back at myself and think, "that poor fucking kid. Christ." Then I remember that I am still, in my core, him. And I just can't yet bring myself to go through with it.
I want to die. I want this life to end. But I don't want to kill me. If that makes any sense?

Something that makes it worse for me, is that I am a Therian. I.e, I identify as a nonhuman animal. Coping mechanism or not, its a great analogy for the very strange type of "almost-autism" I have, and the way I view the world. So when I imagine CTB I think not only of the image of my real form being destroyed, but my imagined one too. I love foxes so dearly, so imagining hurting one just breaks my heart. And it reminds me of the horrors real foxes suffer in furfarms, which makes me feel like even more of a piece of shit.
As if my suffering is even 1/100th of what they go through on a daily basis, right?
I am deeply dissatisfied with who I am, I am terrified of who I am going to become when my morals finally slip away, and yet I love who I was when I was concieved enough to just barely hold on. I don't know what to do.
CTB seems like the right answer, because I would rather die than hurt anybody more, bring others down more, bring my own self down more. CTB is to me, at this point, a concept of autoeuthanasia.
I have been depressed since I was 2 or 3 years old. It's horrible.
Worse, when I opened up to my family to all this, they tried to have me involuntarily committed. I was so stupid. I know they are abusive but I am so desperate to be loved that I keep trying to go back. Aaaaaaaghhrhhrvvrvsghehhrkmdjr
Sifh

 

[catastrophix]

hey there, do you have discord? unfortunately i can't send a private message because you don't have enough posts, but we can talk on discord if you have it! (just texting tho cause i get nervous on audio calls Dx)

 

[endofafoxtwo]

I can use discord but I am pretty sure this website has a prohibition against the sharing of external account information? Let me double check on that.
Yeah, I am sorry per the site rules I can't post my discord here. I am happy to talk publicly though, it is an anonymous forum after all.

 

[catastrophix]

oh okay, well we can talk here then :]

i can relate a lot to your situation, i know how hard it is to put yourself out there, especially when you've been abused and mistreated before. being therian must be really difficult, too. i wish people were more accepting of that. it does no harm and it's actually pretty cool in my opinion. anyway, i'm here to listen to anything you want to get off your chest. and i apologize for slow replies in advance Dx

 

[endofafoxtwo]

It's no issue if you reply slowly. Not like I have anywhere better to be, eh?
Yeah, the super strong anti-therian sentiment that exists is very strange to me. I guess its fun to hate sometimes? And people confuse us with furries a lot. Young "therians" on tiktok and yyoutube and amino and such who make it look like therianism is some sort of meme or fetish certainly doesn't help.
Regarding abuse and mistreatment, I'd be willing to wager that's an extremely common factor here. Nothing better to make one see himself as worthless than for others to do so.
My father is a sociopath, and a complete user. The fake catholic, masonic type. Thankfully I havent seen him in 10 years, but he is to blame for my earliest trauma.
My mother is just generally fucked in the head, abusive, prone to gaslighting, highly manipulative, and extremely neglectful. I thought she was good to me when I was little before I started forming my own opinions and before she developed fibro, but I remember too our first fights were before that when she would make my half sister cry and I'd stand up for her.
My sister has always treated me like their roomate's annoying needy dog. She never wanted to spend time with me, when mom was away (p. Much always) she'd never help take care of me until I literally harassed her for hours, always gave me shitty looks and was dismissive, etc. Worse is when mom would abuse her, she'd take her side when I tried to stand up for her or comfort her. The last time I interacted with her, she slammed my head into the corner of a food cabinet.
I missed my cat's passing because I was homeless at the time due to trying to escape the endless fighting with my family, which just broke my heart.
When we were driving together trying to find a place to bury him she kept trying to smoke darts over his corpse; one of the only times I've ever hit her was that time when I kept knocking the fucking lighter out of her hand. No fucking respect for the living or dead, very cruel, but if you so much as try to have a real discussion with her regarding her abusive behaviours she would act like you were the horrible abuser.
I grew up isolated and essentially was raised by myself/the internet because I was homeschooled after grade 3 due to bullying against me, so I never had anybody there physically. The friends id make online were either shallow or just couldn't reasonably meet my need for attention, naturally. I never told anybody about my mothers abuse, because I knew there was no way anybody would understand or believe me because they don't have the 1000s of fights and abuses worth of conflict and mistreatment. It was always me trying to do better, from a young age. Id do my best to forgive her, id even apologise for things I didn't do just in hopes she'd love me again. But she would shun me, refuse contact, give me poor looks, etc. She was capable of being kind, but she always chose not to towards me. The only times she would be good to me is if I was submissive and quiet and asked nothing of her. Even today sometimes I doubt myself and think "maybe I am the piece of shit. Maybe if I had just obeyed her she wouldn't have hurt me. I was a bad, disobedient son. I deserve this. I'm probably some sort of mentally ill freak." Yet I know, and I have always known, that there's nothing really wrong with me. I am a good human, and a good (arguably fake) fox. I don't deserve to be abused and mistreated and used. I do deserve to be loved and cared for and respected. I always try to reassure myself of that, but it can be hard to remember and believe.
The only time my mother's words ans body language have ever matched was when she said she wished I was never born, that I was lazy and worthless and disgusting and disappointing, which was the same night when I was assaulted by my sister. I remember her words too, then. She said to my sister after she had hit me at least four times "Stop! You're going to hurt YOURSELF!" hugging her, and stroking her hair.
Another thing with my sister that really hurt is when we were talking about some random stuff and she brought up how I briefly thought I was a cat as a kid, and joked about how she was worried I'd grow up to be "one of those". So ofc, never opened up about my therianthropy bc of that.. (I have no fucking clue the mechanism of this but I was actually born therian, cats were very close to my heart and I sympathized with them a lot before I learned of foxes)
Reminds me of a random thing. There was this older guy who was a bit of a mentor who I'd drink with, who I had grown to respect quite a bit. We somehow ended up talking about foxes, and he immediately went on a tangent about what horrible dirty smelly vermin they are and hot they carry disease and how many of them he had killed etc. Which is of course very unfair, since foxes generally are clean, have a pleasant smell when not terrified (imo), are important in regulating rodent borne disease, etc. But it hurt me a lot to hear not just because of my odd idenity, but also because it was a good analogy for myself and my life:
I do everything I can to do good and be good and live my life without disturbing anybody or brining anybody down, yet somehow it always ends up that I am either exploited or treated like an annoyance/burden or both.

I started harming myself when I was 10, iirc. Sexual self harm. Only managed to quit that around 7.5 months ago when I left my family after my sister attacked me, but I relapsed recently which has made me feel even more like shit.

Being a Therian by the way can be a sort of unique struggle, for a reason I like to explain by saying this: It's like being autistic, but without the pity or the government handouts.
I *can* understand human emotions and social cues etc, but it's from a foriegn place. Like imagine if you were trying to fit into a far away foreign country with strange customs and behaviours, 24/7 with no real permanent integration.
It's not unbearable on its own, but ir cerrainly doesn't make everything else easy.
I am just super lucky that I am 6'4" 185lbs or I would have probably been beaten and robbed on the streets countless times by now due to my strangeness. Which is funny, because I really hate being so gigantic otherwise

I just want to be accepted for what I am (a pretty non-offensively quirky human), have a job I don't hate, a warm place to lay my head, and some close friends I can trust and confide in. I wish it didn't have to be so needlessly difficult. Being human is ass. Feels like these things are relatively humble things to ask for, anyways.. Waaah waah waah poor me >.<

My SI is generally emotionally regulated. 90% of time time I am in an "...okay" state, but any time I am knocked down from there like if some stranger is mean to me or if I am insulted in an untrue way etc, it knocks me down back to here. I have tried to CTB twice, the reason I am still alive really is usually I manage to distract myself long enough to get back to the "...okay" state, I still wish to die in that state but without the emotional energy I don't have the care to go through with it. It is a sedated, lifeless, joyless state. I hate it.

Sorry for the 1200+ word essay, I got a bit carried away there.. Thanks for reading though!!

 

[sulli]

hey same. to like everything

 

[endofafoxtwo]

hey same. to like everything

My condolences. This sucks, eh?

 

[sadToast]

:( reading some of this just broke my heart. you poor thing everything you've gone through is so unfair. to have a family so cold and not be accepted and considered is so hard not to mention with you being therian. foxes are such adorable creatures ( i only have a vague knowledge of them though) and no animal deserves torture and neglect. sending you much love and am always willing to chat here!

 

[outrider567]

It's no issue if you reply slowly. Not like I have anywhere better to be, eh?
Yeah, the super strong anti-therian sentiment that exists is very strange to me. I guess its fun to hate sometimes? And people confuse us with furries a lot. Young "therians" on tiktok and yyoutube and amino and such who make it look like therianism is some sort of meme or fetish certainly doesn't help.
Regarding abuse and mistreatment, I'd be willing to wager that's an extremely common factor here. Nothing better to make one see himself as worthless than for others to do so.
My father is a sociopath, and a complete user. The fake catholic, masonic type. Thankfully I havent seen him in 10 years, but he is to blame for my earliest trauma.
My mother is just generally fucked in the head, abusive, prone to gaslighting, highly manipulative, and extremely neglectful. I thought she was good to me when I was little before I started forming my own opinions and before she developed fibro, but I remember too our first fights were before that when she would make my half sister cry and I'd stand up for her.
My sister has always treated me like their roomate's annoying needy dog. She never wanted to spend time with me, when mom was away (p. Much always) she'd never help take care of me until I literally harassed her for hours, always gave me shitty looks and was dismissive, etc. Worse is when mom would abuse her, she'd take her side when I tried to stand up for her or comfort her. The last time I interacted with her, she slammed my head into the corner of a food cabinet.
I missed my cat's passing because I was homeless at the time due to trying to escape the endless fighting with my family, which just broke my heart.
When we were driving together trying to find a place to bury him she kept trying to smoke darts over his corpse; one of the only times I've ever hit her was that time when I kept knocking the fucking lighter out of her hand. No fucking respect for the living or dead, very cruel, but if you so much as try to have a real discussion with her regarding her abusive behaviours she would act like you were the horrible abuser.
I grew up isolated and essentially was raised by myself/the internet because I was homeschooled after grade 3 due to bullying against me, so I never had anybody there physically. The friends id make online were either shallow or just couldn't reasonably meet my need for attention, naturally. I never told anybody about my mothers abuse, because I knew there was no way anybody would understand or believe me because they don't have the 1000s of fights and abuses worth of conflict and mistreatment. It was always me trying to do better, from a young age. Id do my best to forgive her, id even apologise for things I didn't do just in hopes she'd love me again. But she would shun me, refuse contact, give me poor looks, etc. She was capable of being kind, but she always chose not to towards me. The only times she would be good to me is if I was submissive and quiet and asked nothing of her. Even today sometimes I doubt myself and think "maybe I am the piece of shit. Maybe if I had just obeyed her she wouldn't have hurt me. I was a bad, disobedient son. I deserve this. I'm probably some sort of mentally ill freak." Yet I know, and I have always known, that there's nothing really wrong with me. I am a good human, and a good (arguably fake) fox. I don't deserve to be abused and mistreated and used. I do deserve to be loved and cared for and respected. I always try to reassure myself of that, but it can be hard to remember and believe.
The only time my mother's words ans body language have ever matched was when she said she wished I was never born, that I was lazy and worthless and disgusting and disappointing, which was the same night when I was assaulted by my sister. I remember her words too, then. She said to my sister after she had hit me at least four times "Stop! You're going to hurt YOURSELF!" hugging her, and stroking her hair.
Another thing with my sister that really hurt is when we were talking about some random stuff and she brought up how I briefly thought I was a cat as a kid, and joked about how she was worried I'd grow up to be "one of those". So ofc, never opened up about my therianthropy bc of that.. (I have no fucking clue the mechanism of this but I was actually born therian, cats were very close to my heart and I sympathized with them a lot before I learned of foxes)
Reminds me of a random thing. There was this older guy who was a bit of a mentor who I'd drink with, who I had grown to respect quite a bit. We somehow ended up talking about foxes, and he immediately went on a tangent about what horrible dirty smelly vermin they are and hot they carry disease and how many of them he had killed etc. Which is of course very unfair, since foxes generally are clean, have a pleasant smell when not terrified (imo), are important in regulating rodent borne disease, etc. But it hurt me a lot to hear not just because of my odd idenity, but also because it was a good analogy for myself and my life:
I do everything I can to do good and be good and live my life without disturbing anybody or brining anybody down, yet somehow it always ends up that I am either exploited or treated like an annoyance/burden or both.

I started harming myself when I was 10, iirc. Sexual self harm. Only managed to quit that around 7.5 months ago when I left my family after my sister attacked me, but I relapsed recently which has made me feel even more like shit.

Being a Therian by the way can be a sort of unique struggle, for a reason I like to explain by saying this: It's like being autistic, but without the pity or the government handouts.
I *can* understand human emotions and social cues etc, but it's from a foriegn place. Like imagine if you were trying to fit into a far away foreign country with strange customs and behaviours, 24/7 with no real permanent integration.
It's not unbearable on its own, but ir cerrainly doesn't make everything else easy.
I am just super lucky that I am 6'4" 185lbs or I would have probably been beaten and robbed on the streets countless times by now due to my strangeness. Which is funny, because I really hate being so gigantic otherwise

I just want to be accepted for what I am (a pretty non-offensively quirky human), have a job I don't hate, a warm place to lay my head, and some close friends I can trust and confide in. I wish it didn't have to be so needlessly difficult. Being human is ass. Feels like these things are relatively humble things to ask for, anyways.. Waaah waah waah poor me >.<

My SI is generally emotionally regulated. 90% of time time I am in an "...okay" state, but any time I am knocked down from there like if some stranger is mean to me or if I am insulted in an untrue way etc, it knocks me down back to here. I have tried to CTB twice, the reason I am still alive really is usually I manage to distract myself long enough to get back to the "...okay" state, I still wish to die in that state but without the emotional energy I don't have the care to go through with it. It is a sedated, lifeless, joyless state. I hate it.

Sorry for the 1200+ word essay, I got a bit carried away there.. Thanks for reading though!!

'Sedated lifeless joyless state' yeah that pretty much describes my life last 15 months

 

[endofafoxtwo]

:( reading some of this just broke my heart. you poor thing everything you've gone through is so unfair. to have a family so cold and not be accepted and considered is so hard not to mention with you being therian. foxes are such adorable creatures ( i only have a vague knowledge of them though) and no animal deserves torture and neglect. sending you much love and am always willing to chat here!

Thank you, toast.
Foxes are pretty adorable, heh. But also extremely interest creatures. For example, did you know that the Red Fox (and it is assumed the Arctic Fox) are the only species in the world known to use the earth's magnetic field to assist in capturing prey? The mechanism is unknown, but it has been proven foxes have a massively higher catch rate when attacking certain bearings.

thing that caused my first serious CTB attempt was actually also the thing that cost me my last job. I met this (very evil and fake us fuck as id later learn) other "fox therian" on another anon site and dm'd with them for a while. Managing processing all of my trauma combined with 10hrs a day of very intensive physical labor left me extrenely vulnerable, even though my life was arguably on its way out of this pit then. I didn't fully understand the depth of my trauma then so I also didnt know how to protect myself. I was manipulated, very badly. Sort of lost my grip on reality, I guess.
Basically, they started telling me about all these stories about rape and beatings etc they suffered, and I felt so bad for them and my strength had actually come back enough after being on my own for 5 months that there was a crack in my depression. I actually felt strong positive/social emotions for a little while. Love, horror, attachment, affection. The weight of all they told me about just crushed down on me, the mental images from their (fake as fuxk prolly) stories were like anchors in my stomach, it was physically painful. I had to quit my job.
Now jobless and struggling with emotions not knowing how to handle, they exploited me for my money (credit card after I ran out of savings. Thankfully i talked to the bank and twisted the story and was able to get it back under fraud insurance) and some other deranged shit I don't understand. They convinced me they were actually family from a past life. I knew it made no sense, but I wanted to believe *SO BADLY.* My heart was finally waking up again, and my dream of having someome I could trust and mutually rely on was seemingly coming into reality at last. But it was all a lie. I fell in l
familiar love with a character, an invention. When the truth came to light, I was immediately dumped back down here. Having felt relief for a while, losing my heart again was indescribably excruciating. Like when you have been at work for a long time and you think you are about to go home, finally relaxing, and an emergency comes up. I just screamed. The only reason I survived that night is I was so far gone into anguish that I forgot how to use a knife properly and got so frustrated that I started lashing out at the walls instead of myself. It was horrific. Just imagining the whole thing fills me with a cold aching terror.
How can anybody be so evil? Ill never understand it.
After that I went back with my family. For a short while it almost looked like my mother had realized all she had done, but it was an act. Hurt me.so badly to hear her finally apologise for things she denied for over a decade, only for her to do the same thing again the next day. Eventually I couldnt stand it, and confessed my SI to her in a desperate hope she would stop huring me. Instead she was cruel to me, and when I left to walk out into the woods she called the police on me who apprehended me. Had their guns unsecured, put me in cuffs, paraded me out front of and inside the hospital. Talked my way out of being involuntary comitted by throwing my mother under the bus. Called her afterwards to tell her off and she was angry that I was still free. Wandered the city for a bit, nearly got ambushed twice. Got horrible blisters. Some nice EMTs helped me wrap my foot when I came across their idle ambulance, god bless them. Had some laughs with them. They gave me the idea to try starting over far away. I thought it was fun, so I spent pretty much all the money I had to fly out to the arctic and look for work. Miraculously the people here were nice to me, I got a job AT THE AIRPORT hours after landing, and the environment was beautiful and mostly unmolested forest. I thought I was in heaven, until what happened in these pictures happened. It's always a fragile balance for me, and this shit just knocked the hope and little bit of self worth I had built up right out of me.
After that things went downhill. I started having sleep dreams of sexual self-harm again, which causes a physical reaction, leaving me feeling so disgusting. Then some guards here at the airport started giving me trouble for no good reason. Then it turns out my birth cert is lost and I have to communicate with and rely on my mother to get it up here. Lastly I call my father for the first time in 10 years to see if he would do his fucking job for once and give me a hand in getting some shelter and food until my fitst paycheck; he of course hung up on me.

one of my only hopes/copes left is that maybe when I die, I'll reincarnate as a real fox. With a mother and father and siblings who love me and care for me and play with me, and later a loving mate and family of my own. A life free of all this human bullshit and greed. I fantasise about it every night before going to bed in the futile hope of having sweet dreams for once.
Gonna sleep a couple hours if I can.
You know, I think its really sad that all I ever really needed was people who genuinely cared for me. You'd think life would be a breeze with such simple requirements for haooiness, and yet...

 

[NorthernMonkey]

Don't feel bad about self pity. You are the only person who truly knows how you feel and what you have been through. You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself, you have been through enough. If I was your Mum I would give you a big hug, tell you that you are amazing and you are loved then ask you to tell me everything, I would listen and try to understand. You can't expect family to understand, it is tough for them to hear but they could , and should, at least try. You are a lovely, caring person, I love what you said about foxes. I have always loved animals and struggled to accept the cruelty of humans towards them. I for one, would like you to stay, if you can, we need people like you in the world.

 

[leftdreaming]

Foxes are pretty adorable, heh. But also extremely interest creatures. For example, did you know that the Red Fox (and it is assumed the Arctic Fox) are the only species in the world known to use the earth's magnetic field to assist in capturing prey? The mechanism is unknown, but it has been proven foxes have a massively higher catch rate when attacking certain bearings.

I can feel your love of foxes through this. I won't lie, it brought a smile to my face. Have any more fox facts?

Sleep well~

 

[rationaltake]

I'm really sorry you've had such an awful time and been treated so very badly.

Foxes are amazing - and so are cats.

I just want to say how awesome it is that you followed your dream and went to the Arctic and found a job straight away. Despite all you suffered.

From personal experience being on the receiving end of abuse can lay us open to being abused again by other people. We fall into it because it's all we know. But it is possible to change that pattern. I hope you can gradually make some good friends who treat you well and respect you. Maybe go out with colleagues from work or maybe go to a meetup. Just going to a café and chatting so you can really get to know people.

For your immediate needs is their any chance of asking your employer for an upfront sum of money which can later be deducted from your first paycheck? It wouldn't be ideal but with a bit of money I guess you could manage at the airport until you got paid?

From your posts you're a great person and I hope things get better for you.

 

[Haruka]

Hi, I just wanted to drop a message since you seem lovely and I can relate; I have no friends in person and I'm extremely lonely. Everybody that I love seems to be dying around me, or cutting me off. I struggle with social anxiety and I'm very shy, but I like making friends online more. I was also abused growing up and it was horrible. When your DM opens I'd love to send you one! We can talk there if you wanted to, the best way to get your DM opened is playing games in the 'Games' section for a little and when it's opened I can message you there! You seem super lovely :)

 

[endofafoxtwo]

I can feel your love of foxes through this. I won't lie, it brought a smile to my face. Have any more fox facts?

Sleep well~

Sure.
Foxes are typically described as asocial creatures which prefer isolation, but it's not true! Foxes will generally live in at least a mated pair; relationships beyond pairs are regulated by food availability. Mated pairs will become very closely bonded and are generally monogomous. It is not unheard of for a fox to become depressed after the death or disappearence of a mate. If an area is plentiful enough, I have heard of up to 9 related adult foxes sharing a territory. The most common family setup is there will be a mother, a father, their cubs, and one yearling vixen from the last litter who helps care for the cubs. An interesting related thing is that females will also give birth to fewer children if there is very little food or if there are lots of other foxes. Because foxes socially and biologically regulate their populations this way, you will never see "fox overpopulation".



I hate waking up so much. Esp when sleeping in public spaces. Here's how it happens lately:
-I wake up. Cold is the first feeling I feel.
-Try to remember what I was dreaming about. It'll slip away and all I'll remember is that I did dream and that is was trauma related.
-I'll feel "...okay" and start to think "okay. guess I am alright now, what am I going to do today.."
-One by one, my miseries will set in. Bodily discomfort comes first, a consequence of my sexual self-abuse.
-Next, my muscles and joints will all ache, and I am reminded of the fracture I gave myself in the right hand.
- My memories will start to flow in, and play over and over etc.
-Thinking gets progressively negative. I'll remember that I had good reason to have wanted to leave the world the previous night.
-I'll either go do something like work which will keep me distracted if I am lucky, or I'll just stew and sink more and more throughout the day otherwise.

I hate waking up. I wish I could sleep forever.

For your immediate needs is their any chance of asking your employer for an upfront sum of money which can later be deducted from your first paycheck? It wouldn't be ideal but with a bit of money I guess you could manage at the airport until you got paid?

Yeah, there's no chance of that. Don't worry though, starvation isn't that bad compared to what I suffer every day whether I am fed or not. I am also used to going without enough food, which helps.

. I hope you can gradually make some good friends who treat you well and respect you. Maybe go out with colleagues from work or maybe go to a meetup. Just going to a café and chatting so you can really get to know people.

Maybe. We'll see. I am really bad at small talk. People are never interested in the sort of things I am. So talking to people irl often just makes me feel more isolated, ironically.

When your DM opens I'd love to send you one! We can talk there

Sure.

I for one, would like you to stay, if you can, we need people like you in the world.

Thank you for the kind words.
I do agree, a good parent would have handled everything much differently. Yet another reminder of who she is as a person, I guess.
Doodles to follow throughout the day probably.
Now my head fucking itches everywhere because I cant shower here. Fuck. As if I didnt have enough to fucking put up with. God damnit.

 

[endofafoxtwo]

Man, I hate scalp itchiness. Most annoying persistent thing, makes everytging else feel 5x worse.

 

[rationaltake]

I hate waking up too. And I know what it's like not fitting in with other people. The info about foxes is really interesting. I bet a lot of people would find it fascinating. There are foxes where I live and people love them. Somebody feeds them every day.

 

[endofafoxtwo]

I hate waking up too. And I know what it's like not fitting in with other people. The info about foxes is really interesting. I bet a lot of people would find it fascinating. There are foxes where I live and people love them. Somebody feeds them every day.

Sometimes I think if people knew how amazing and unique and important and friendly foxes were, people would be less unspeakably cruel to them. I am glad they are treated well where you are!
Sadly, I have only ever gotten close to dead foxes I have found and buried. Closest I got to a live one was maybe 35 feet, she surprised me and me her haha. I was taking care of her and her surviving cub after her mate was shot, mutilated and left to rot nearby their den.

It's a dream of mine to get to hold or pet a fox one day. I know the chances of one trusting me enough for that to happen is pretty much nil, but it would make me very happy.
Did you know north american fox fur is almost peerlessly soft and warm feeling? I first felt it after petting one in a very happy dream, then IRL recently because there's a fur shop near the airport here. My dream was actually 100% accurate as far as sensations go, which is odd but cool. Makes me so sad to see such beautiful creatures reduced to a pelt for sale in a gift shop. Especially since they were probably raised in hell AKA a fur farm. I wish I could bring them back and just hold them, comfort them.... But at least they are at peace now, free from this garbage world.

 

[rationaltake]

Sometimes I think if people knew how amazing and unique and important and friendly foxes were, people would be less unspeakably cruel to them. I am glad they are treated well where you are!
Sadly, I have only ever gotten close to dead foxes I have found and buried. Closest I got to a live one was maybe 35 feet, she surprised me and me her haha. I was taking care of her and her surviving cub after her mate was shot, mutilated and left to rot nearby their den.

It's a dream of mine to get to hold or pet a fox one day. I know the chances of one trusting me enough for that to happen is pretty much nil, but it would make me very happy.
Did you know north american fox fur is almost peerlessly soft and warm feeling? I first felt it after petting one in a very happy dream, then IRL recently because there's a fur shop near the airport here. My dream was actually 100% accurate as far as sensations go, which is odd but cool. Makes me so sad to see such beautiful creatures reduced to a pelt for sale in a gift shop. Especially since they were probably raised in hell AKA a fur farm. I wish I could bring them back and just hold them, comfort them.... But at least they are at peace now, free from this garbage world.

That is so very sad - fur farms should not exist. I'm glad you were able to care for the fox and her cub.

Foxes live in the garden outside the flats where I am. I see them all the time - adults and cubs. In the city where I live I've seen an urban fox walking down a highstreet at night. I do hope you get to pet a fox one day. You obviously have a true connection with foxes. Like I do with cats.

We also have badgers in the same garden here. Where I lived before - not far away - me and a cat friend were strolling outside the flats one night and turned a corner of the building only to come face to face with two enormous badgers. They were like tanks! The cat and I exchanged a hasty glance and with one accord we both turned round and high-tailed it.

 

[endofafoxtwo]

That is so very sad - fur farms should not exist. I'm glad you were able to care for the fox and her cub.

Foxes live in the garden outside the flats where I am. I see them all the time - adults and cubs. In the city where I live I've seen an urban fox walking down a highstreet at night. I do hope you get to pet a fox one day. You obviously have a true connection with foxes. Like I do with cats.

We also have badgers in the same garden here. Where I lived before - not far away - me and a cat friend were strolling outside the flats one night and turned a corner of the building only to come face to face with two enormous badgers. They were like tanks! The cat and I exchanged a hasty glance and with one accord we both turned round and high-tailed it.

Could you offer them some meat for me, if you ever have some time to spare? They really like chicken liver and hearts. (Chicken hearts are amazing actually, if you ever get the chance to eat one take it! Best meat on the chicken, no comparison to the flavor and texture quality) they also like sliced apples quite a lot, and will take diced carrots too.

With the badger, were these american badgers? In which case, fair enough for bolting! The badgers here are scary compared to the cute little things in europe.
Cool that you get to hand out with the local cats like that. I always try to interact with street cats when I get the chance, although most want nothing to do with me.

 

[rationaltake]

Could you offer them some meat for me, if you ever have some time to spare? They really like chicken liver and hearts. (Chicken hearts are amazing actually, if you ever get the chance to eat one take it! Best meat on the chicken, no comparison to the flavor and texture quality) they also like sliced apples quite a lot, and will take diced carrots too.

With the badger, were these american badgers? In which case, fair enough for bolting! The badgers here are scary compared to the cute little things in europe.
Cool that you get to hand out with the local cats like that. I always try to interact with street cats when I get the chance, although most want nothing to do with me.

Yes, I'd be happy to offer them chicken liver and hearts on your behalf. Uncooked I presume? I had no idea what to offer them and I wouldn't have thought of apples and carrots. I'm a lifetime vegetarian so I didn't know that chicken hearts are so good.

These were UK badgers and didn't seem cute to me! American badgers must be really fearsome if they're even bigger.

This cat was fiercely independent but also friendly with some people. He used to hang out in various homes but was capable of hunting for himself. I saw him devour a mouse whole. I felt sad about him because I think he would have lived with me if he had been given the option to come and go as he wanted through a cat-flap. But I didn't have that possibility living in upstairs flats. He was a small slender ginger tom with a giant personality and he bossed all the other cats in the area.

 

[endofafoxtwo]

Yes, I'd be happy to offer them chicken liver and hearts on your behalf. Uncooked I presume? I had no idea what to offer them and I wouldn't have thought of apples and carrots. I'm a lifetime vegetarian so I didn't know that chicken hearts are so good.

These were UK badgers and didn't seem cute to me! American badgers must be really fearsome if they're even bigger.

This cat was fiercely independent but also friendly with some people. He used to hang out in various homes but was capable of hunting for himself. I saw him devour a mouse whole. I felt sad about him because I think he would have lived with me if he had been given the option to come and go as he wanted through a cat-flap. But I didn't have that possibility living in upstairs flats. He was a small slender ginger tom with a giant personality and he bossed all the other cats in the area.

Thank you! If you get a picture of them id also love to see it, though ofc make sure it's non-identifiable and has EXIF wiped if you did. I don't want anybody getting v&, I have been there and it's not fun!! Yes, uncooked. Chicken hearts really are super delicious. If you want to try them you can get them and similar for pretty cheap at a butcher shop. Most of it goes to waste anyways, so you are not really causing any additional harm by buying organ meat (essentially, the consumer organ meat market is so small that it has no effect on total volume of farm production) I respect your dietary ethics 100%.
I would probably be vegetarian myself if I didn't have a strong emotional reliance on meat. When I go a long time without meat I get very grumpy and restless. Since I need meat, I try to limit my consumption to egg chickens and wild caught fish when I can.
I as sure you can see why considering how I identify, but I absolutely hate farming. It disgusts me, it's deeply unnatural.

General rule with foxes is that they can eat anything a human can eat, with the exception of beef/pork and a few plants.
Eggs are actually another favourite of theirs, and of mine. They'll happily take them raw or hard boiled&shelled. It's super cute watching them with eggs, they are so gentle with them and havr a very specific instinctual technique to eat them where they will cut the shell into a little bowl and drink the white and yolk out. It's adorable.

About cats and animals in general, can I ask you what your opinions are on neutering/spaying? Personally as someone who highly values the right to bodily integrity and autonomy I find it to be very unethical.
Oh and I noticed you are using past tense with him. Is he gone? :(

 

[rationaltake]

Thank you! If you get a picture of them id also love to see it, though ofc make sure it's non-identifiable and has EXIF wiped if you did. I don't want anybody getting v&, I have been there and it's not fun!! Yes, uncooked. Chicken hearts really are super delicious. If you want to try them you can get them and similar for pretty cheap at a butcher shop. Most of it goes to waste anyways, so you are not really causing any additional harm by buying organ meat (essentially, the consumer organ meat market is so small that it has no effect on total volume of farm production) I respect your dietary ethics 100%.
I would probably be vegetarian myself if I didn't have a strong emotional reliance on meat. When I go a long time without meat I get very grumpy and restless. Since I need meat, I try to limit my consumption to egg chickens and wild caught fish when I can.
I as sure you can see why considering how I identify, but I absolutely hate farming. It disgusts me, it's deeply unnatural.

General rule with foxes is that they can eat anything a human can eat, with the exception of beef/pork and a few plants.
Eggs are actually another favourite of theirs, and of mine. They'll happily take them raw or hard boiled&shelled. It's super cute watching them with eggs, they are so gentle with them and havr a very specific instinctual technique to eat them where they will cut the shell into a little bowl and drink the white and yolk out. It's adorable.

About cats and animals in general, can I ask you what your opinions are on neutering/spaying? Personally as someone who highly values the right to bodily integrity and autonomy I find it to be very unethical.
Oh and I noticed you are using past tense with him. Is he gone? :(

I don't have any photos but my friend does. Or I could take one as I'd love you to see the foxes but I'm really nervous about security and would have to look up how to wipe EXIF. I hate animal farming too and feel guilty about eating dairy. I respect your dietary choice and I can see you think deeply about things. What are egg chickens?

Wow. I had no idea that foxes liked eggs. I know some cats do. It does sound adorable drinking from an eggshell like that.

I find neutering and speying animals a difficult one. I don't think it's right. Animals shouldn't be under our control so it shouldn't arise. I don't like the concept of owning pets. I hate animals being in cages. I don't like dogs on leads. Cats can choose to live with us or not and I find that fine as long as they can come and go as they please. I don't like people riding horses. Breaking a horse is cruel and so are the bits in their mouths. I love the wild ponies on Dartmoor though.

But with cats there is the problem of numerous litters of kittens so I don't know what the answer is really. Not all cats can survive in the wild. What do you think?

He's still around as far as I know but I haven't seen him for a while. Obviously animals are people too.

 

[Jezzibell]

How are you doing today?

 

[endofafoxtwo]

I don't have any photos but my friend does. Or I could take one as I'd love you to see the foxes but I'm really nervous about security and would have to look up how to wipe EXIF. I hate animal farming too and feel guilty about eating dairy. I respect your dietary choice and I can see you think deeply about things. What are egg chickens?

Wow. I had no idea that foxes liked eggs. I know some cats do. It does sound adorable drinking from an eggshell like that.

I find neutering and speying animals a difficult one. I don't think it's right. Animals shouldn't be under our control so it shouldn't arise. I don't like the concept of owning pets. I hate animals being in cages. I don't like dogs on leads. Cats can choose to live with us or not and I find that fine as long as they can come and go as they please. I don't like people riding horses. Breaking a horse is cruel and so are the bits in their mouths. I love the wild ponies on Dartmoor though.

But with cats there is the problem of numerous litters of kittens so I don't know what the answer is really. Not all cats can survive in the wild. What do you think?

He's still around as far as I know but I haven't seen him for a while. Obviously animals are people too.

Removing exif is easy, there's online tools for it. Id love to see pictures, however given your concern I wouldn't pressure you to post any. An egg chicken would be a hen raised for laying eggs, not for meat. They only sell the meat when they get old and can't make good eggs anymore, they live much better lives.
i think cat overpopulation is the fault of people, not the cats. Cats of basicslly all species in nature have an extremely high 1st year mortality rate. Human feedings and healthcare lower their mortality rate, so they overpopulate and again due to feedings natural controls i.e. scarcity can't regulate them either.
Foxes funnily enough don't have this issue due to regulating their own populations as mentioned earlier.

How are you doing today?

Rough. I posted about it in my other thread but some stuff happened to fuck up my plans, and now I am at a crossroads.

 

[rationaltake]

Removing exif is easy, there's online tools for it. Id love to see pictures, however given your concern I wouldn't pressure you to post any. An egg chicken would be a hen raised for laying eggs, not for meat. They only sell the meat when they get old and can't make good eggs anymore, they live much better lives.
i think cat overpopulation is the fault of people, not the cats. Cats of basicslly all species in nature have an extremely high 1st year mortality rate. Human feedings and healthcare lower their mortality rate, so they overpopulate and again due to feedings natural controls i.e. scarcity can't regulate them either.
Foxes funnily enough don't have this issue due to regulating their own populations as mentioned earlier.

Rough. I posted about it in my other thread but some stuff happened to fuck up my plans, and now I am at a crossroads.

I just posted in your other thread. I'm so sad about your situation.

How dim of me not to realise what an egg chicken is! You've taught me so much in this thread. Thank you.

People interfering with wildlife causes all sorts of problems.

 

[tinyteefs]

I wish someone would reply to my posts

 

[CTB Fella]

If you was with me right now, I'd give you a big hug.

As you're not, accept this very plutonic kiss ... X!

 

[endofafoxtwo]

I wish someone would reply to my posts

Okay, here you go. This is me officially replying to your post. :)
---------
Well, my mother booked me a hotel room for 2 days until I can get on a plane back home where she'll help me set everything up in a few months, so i guess ill just be chilling in limbo with nothing to do anymore.
I wish I had any friends to talk with anymore, or family who actually cared for me.
Being entirely alone in life is just complete ass.
i also get way worse urges to sh when I am alone. Aghrhhrgg
Maybe ill go talk to ai again like the fuckin loser I am lmao

 

[tinyteefs]

Okay, here you go. This is me officially replying to your post. :)

thanks :) you made me feel seen. I hope I can do the same for you