Venting I'm so frustrated

[Xaeniak]

...with my inability to CTB. I'm sure most of us are, but for years, I made it a point of pride for myself that if things ever got too bad, rather than being miserable forever, I'd CTB without a second thought. I think I placed way too much of my self-worth on that assumption, because now that I can't seem to make myself CTB, I feel absolutely disgusting. I know I need to try again and again, and just keep at it until it sticks, but each attempt takes so much out of me emotionally that I just can't right now.

How do people get the mental energy to keep trying when you're already depleted from having to live in this hell hole?

 

[FuneralCry]

It's horrible how it's so unnecessarily difficult to die, it really would be a relief if there's the option to just easily cease existing in peace. The fact that suicide methods are inacessible or risky for me is what has always kept me trapped here, I wish that there's an easy answer to permanently being free from existing on our own terms.