Venting I'm so dumb that I can't even get drunk without harming myself excessively :(

[JustBeingHere377]

Yesterday I felt really empty and sad so I decided to take a lot of alcohol and get drunk, since my last experience was nice. I did it cuz I didn't really want to selfharm. In the end I ended up selfharming WAAAAY more than I would have without alcohol :(

I was confused because the last time I drank a lot I didn't do it, but then I realized that:
1) I am waay more stressed now and last time I was relaxed (I was at a "party")
2) I didn't have access to razor blades or places to cut
3) It was full of people, while yesterday I was alone
4) I definitely took WAY more alcohol (in total it was like a little over half a liter but half of that got inserted with an alcohol enema. It's super dangerous and can severely mess my health as it skips the liver but I didn't really care anymore)

So yeah I just feel extremely dumb and useless rn

 

[EvisceratedJester]

When alcohol reaches your cerebral cortex it can cause one to have poor judgment and while it can cause feelings of pleasure at first, as you keep on drinking it starts to do the opposite. Negative emotions, such as depression, anxiety, and confusion, can happen as a result of excess alcohol use. You aren't dumb, you just didn't realize that alcohol can cause your negative emotions to worsen. You were basing your experiences with alcohol on that time when you were at a party and were probably not drinking as much of it as this time around. A lot of what you described is pretty normal.

I've gotten super drunk once before after drinking over half of a 375ml bottle of vodka (40% alc.). It was a disaster. I was having a mental breakdown where I shared explicit videos of myself to some random person on Snapchat and told him to spread those videos around on reddit, tried to post explicit images and videos of myself onto the NSFW subreddit which got me banned, and made a thread on here where I was typing a bunch of incoherent nonsense, texted some dude proclaiming my love for him while begging him not to leave me, cried, moaned (for some reason), laughed, vomited, and self-harmed. It was a mess.

You aren't a useless idiot, you are just a person who did a dumb thing. Everyone does stupid shit sometimes. There is nothing to beat yourself up over.