Venting I’m scared and satisfied

[seasonsdied]

*ranting*

I have thought things through regarding I'd ctb. It'll probably be after 6 months though but I think it's the first time I've finally decided to actually take action after a decade of thinking.

I have tried to have a life where I'd be satisfied with things but I have always failed. No matter how much effort I put I fail. It annoying. And frustrating. I wish I was never born. Everything is so difficult. Most days I regret waking up. After which I regret being born. I wish my life was easier. People tell you that everyone has problems but I don't want any. I may be selfish or narcissistic but I want an easier life. I only wanted a normal and stable life and maybe a stable childhood would've helped but I didn't get to choose that.

Anyway I'm making my final effort to get a "normal" life. This is the last time I'm making an effort to avoid ctb. It's not like I'll get another option but let's just pretend it's the last time 'I' am doing it lol.

I hope I don't have to visit sasu in 6 months time. But I'll post again if I finally fail at life or ctb.

Wish me luck :)

 

[Deadweight]

Good luck. Hope you make a life worth living.

 

[Strangerdanger7]

I used to be like you. I used to care what other people thought of me, and I eventually reached a point where I became indifferent. One thing is for sure: you cannot make bad people do good things. You cannot expect people to do the right thing either.
You just got to ask yourself the two questions is it livable and can you tolerate it. If the answer's no get out of that environment.
I'm on a quest of meditation and samadhi maybe someday I'll get there.

 

[seasonsdied]

I used to be like you. I used to care what other people thought of me, and I eventually reached a point where I became indifferent. One thing is for sure: you cannot make bad people do good things. You cannot expect people to do the right thing either.
You just got to ask yourself the two questions is it livable and can you tolerate it. If the answer's no get out of that environment.
I'm on a quest of meditation and samadhi maybe someday I'll get there.

I don't really care about what other people think or people in general. Good and bad are subjective. Everyone acts as per their interest.
My life is both tolerable and livable but doesn't fit in the narrow definition of what I want. I refuse to live if my life isn't what I want.

All the best for your quest. Hope you get there.

Good luck. Hope you make a life worth living.

Thank you!