I'm really risking everything by planning to ctb

[Ksmиda]

Planning to ctb soon (~1 month), it's just hit me how I'm going to risk everything on the day. All the years that I've successfully hidden my depression and acted "happy" could all go to waste in only a few hours if I fail. My whole life would be changed for the worse. I've had multiple unnervingly realistic nightmares where I try to ctb but just can't die. I really have to hope my sn is pure and that I don't mess anything up on the day, surviving would be traumatising. Just wanted to write my thoughts down.

 

[rotciv]

You can make an overview of everything that went wrong with other members who failed, the most common factor is them panicking or being found too soon. I'm not an expert on SN, but that's my impression.

 

[FuneralCry]

Trying to die failing is also what I'd fear, I find it so cruel how people have to worry about that in the first place and cannot have the option to just reliably die in peace. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find what you search for.

 

[_Minsk]

A blood test is easily done