Venting I’m really mad at my mom and my own feelings and want to CTB

[Webnext]

My mom doesn't understand how much anger I am towards her. My mom does everything for me like paying my tutoring for college, living in a great house, taking great care of me throughout the years ever since I was born so she is not an abusive mother at all. From time to time, my mom and I have arguments about things she doesn't understand and it gets me easily furious at her that at one point that I didn't want to love her anymore. I did told her one time that just because you gave birth to me doesn't mean I automatically have to love you and she didn't like that at all but I didn't care.

I had enough of when she gets mad at me and I get mad at her more than I should and it's got to the point to where I might hurt her which there were times I say in front of her that I wish I can punch or slap you if I wanted to which I don't regret saying. So today when my mom and I have an argument about something she doesn't understand and when I try to correct her, she doesn't want to hear it anymore and she still gets confused about it even thought I was trying to help her and she's thinking it's all my fault and that I was in the wrong. I know I sound evil and been treating her the worst but look I'm not a killer or want to harm someone and even if I wanted to, the only person that I'm going to hurt is myself. I'm better off not living in this world anymore and after today that was my last straw and now I've gone to the point where I need to CTB.

Now just letting you all know my mom is not the only reason. I've been struggling with education in college and I've had to retake my failed college classes to pass them and still struggling to get good grades despite getting tutoring and everything that I can do. I want to get a tech degree when I graduate and I know that's going to happen, no doubt at all. But even after college and just life in general, I get too scared and anxious even for the little things or mistakes that I accidentally did that bothered someone else (not including my mom), and even when I say sorry I still think about it everyday for a long time and not let it go. I have OCD so I get repetitive negative thoughts like my mom and her fights with me in the past.
Thanks for reading and please help I do feel better when someone replies as it makes me feel validated!

 

[Forever Sleep]

Is there any way you could move out? I think it is harder to live with parents as we grow older. Just anyone we're with for lengthy periods of time, it's easy to start irritating one another.

 

[Webnext]

Is there any way you could move out? I think it is harder to live with parents as we grow older. Just anyone we're with for lengthy periods of time, it's easy to start irritating one another.

I would like to move out and live on my own but my mom wants me to live with her for awhile as I'm in community college right now which is close to where our house lives. I even told her how much I want to live out right now because of this and even said if I should live at my grandmothers house and take care of her while I visit my mom on the weekends and she wasn't buying that and when she gets mad about it, she has to take my car keys and my phone away for one night because of her anger.