Venting I’m ready but I can’t do it

[SereneSpectre]

I imagine it every single day. I own over 40 firearms, it can all be over in an instant. But I have kids, I have a spouse, I don't want to put any of them through that pain or have one of them find me and be left with that mental scar (I work in the death care business, I've seen everything and some things stick with me - even people who I have no connection to)

I have depression, anxiety, PTS from constant harassment and smear campaigns that have been happen for years, no matter how many times I block them, they always show back up. Or their friends begin harassing me and threatening me. I live in a constant state of anxiety. I wake up with my adrenaline going and a deep pit in my stomach that feels like something bad is going to happen and the feeling lasts all day. I just want it to end. All of it. I don't want to be here anymore.

 

[dolemitedrums]

It is good that you don't want your family to be the ones to find you in that state. That is a good mindset regardless of what you decide in any other area. Sorry to hear of your difficulties. But it is clear that you care about your family and that is about as good a quality as one can have.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Glad you've spared your family. Maybe you can find some hope or resources in the Recovery. I've tried everything and have an opinion on drugs, meds, herbs, etc..
I do have an unrelated question when you get enough posts to PM if you wouldn't mind.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. You're so kindhearted and think of your family not to traumatize them. You don't deserve to suffer.

 

[SereneSpectre]

Glad you've spared your family. Maybe you can find some hope or resources in the Recovery. I've tried everything and have an opinion on drugs, meds, herbs, etc..
I do have an unrelated question when you get enough posts to PM if you wouldn't mind.

It's saying I don't have permission to view your profile, I'm unsure how to send a message

 

[DefinitelyReady]

It's saying I don't have permission to view your profile, I'm unsure how to send a message

Yeah sorry about that. My profile isn't private. It's just you haven't made enough post to pm people or for them to pm you.

 

[buoy]

I imagine it every single day. I own over 40 firearms, it can all be over in an instant. But I have kids, I have a spouse, I don't want to put any of them through that pain or have one of them find me and be left with that mental scar (I work in the death care business, I've seen everything and some things stick with me - even people who I have no connection to)

I have depression, anxiety, PTS from constant harassment and smear campaigns that have been happen for years, no matter how many times I block them, they always show back up. Or their friends begin harassing me and threatening me. I live in a constant state of anxiety. I wake up with my adrenaline going and a deep pit in my stomach that feels like something bad is going to happen and the feeling lasts all day. I just want it to end. All of it. I don't want to be here anymore.

I hear you friend. I'm sorry. I feel that same pit in my stomach and much younger. I wish I had kind words other than I'm here for you. I love you and you're valuable. You have value in whatever decision you make. If you live you have to choose it but a
Inversely if you die you must exhaust all options. Be well, friend