I'm probably going to CTB next month

[PeacefulTonic]

I'm new here, but I just wanted rant a bit and to talk about how I'll probably CTB next month.
My mental health was never like this. In fact, life was actually really good for me. I took everything I had for granted, and made many poor life decisions that lead to me this path. So for those here who have any slither of light at the end of the tunnel, for those who do have it good, do NOT take things for granted. That's my advice to you.
Back to myself, I don't think there are many other options for me except to CTB. I feel that my life is a living hell, a sort of mental prison that I will never be able to get out of. It's really hard to go through with this because I have a loving family, great friends, and a one of a kind gf. But she will have deep hatred for me when she finds out the truth in a note or e-mail I send to her.
I'll probably post an update when it gets closer to my time. I'm gonna wipe all the data off of my PC, not sure what I'll do with social media accounts, haven't thought about that yet. It sucks cause I didn't foresee my life turning out this way, but I don't see any other ways out of this torment. If in the next month I see any slither of light at the end of the tunnel, perhaps I'll back out of my decision. We'll see. This forum has some of the nicest and most understanding people on this earth. I wish you all well and hope you all find peace one day. Thanks for listening

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering. I understand it is hard to carry on when everything is hopeless. I can relate, I see my life as a hell too. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

Thank you for the empathy. I know many would probably find it hard to relate to my specific situation, but I know we can all relate to how life can be quite a living hell

 

[Lifessocruel]

Sorry thing's have turned against you so badly for you and I'm in the same boat having only recently fallen into a black hole of hell, I have my own business which i absolutely loved and a comfortable life but yet due to a few health problems which lead me to make some bad decisions. I worked so hard to build up my business over the years and yet all that has gone up in smoke in a matter a weeks. I've got 0 motivation to do anything. You're absolutely right people take their physical and mental health for granted all the time!
My time is coming soon too, what i had was so good and i can never live with this pain just to keep other people happy, the thought that I'm now in this hell with the only means of escape ctb gives me some comfort.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I am so sorry to hear that. I can totally relate to you, I have 0 desire and 0 motivation to do anything. I was living a very comfortable life as well. I've built my business and skill to a really good level and it's gone to shit now. I really hope that somehow you can make it out of your situation.

It totally sucks for me that I don't even find comfort with the thought of ctb. It makes me even more sad that the decisions I've made in my life has lead me to this route, but it may be the only one where I can truly find peace. Also, the thought of hurting the people I love from ctb hurts so much as well. This sucks, its a lose-lose scenario for me.

 

[Lifessocruel]

Thanks for your well wishes, I'm going to be trying Ketamine, lsd microdosing as a last resort, i never imagined myself taking these drugs but gotta try i suppose. I would like to get hold of some mushrooms aswell.
Yeah it hurts thinking about my loved ones especially after they have been through tragedy of similar circumstances but the brain can only take so much punishment and its selfish to force people to live through mental torture. Yeah sometimes its the smallest decisions that can have the biggest impact and sometimes medical treatments can impact us and make us make mistakes we otherwise would not of done but I'm grateful I've been able to make an impact while I've been here.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I hope those things help, even at least a little bit. It's unfortunate even the smallest drop can create a big ripple effect, in the worst way possible. Sigh