Help I'm not sure if I'm trans or i hate myself

[Gstreater]

I hate looking at myself in the mirror, it's always been a very iffy thing and since I was 16 I avoided looking at myself in mirrors and hated how I looked in pictures. I've tossed around the idea about being Trans but I've always been worried it's because I hate myself and who I am not because I want to look more feminine. I apologize if this makes no sense.

 

[RainAndSadness]

I hate looking at myself in the mirror, it's always been a very iffy thing and since I was 16 I avoided looking at myself in mirrors and hated how I looked in pictures. I've tossed around the idea about being Trans but I've always been worried it's because I hate myself and who I am not because I want to look more feminine. I apologize if this makes no sense.

If you imagine yourself as a woman or with a more feminine body, what does it make you feel? And what don't you like about yourself in the mirror? Your body in general or the more masculine parts? Some questions which could guide you towards the right direction.

 

[Gstreater]

If you imagine yourself as a woman or with a more feminine body, what does it make you feel? And what don't you like about yourself in the mirror? Your body in general or the more masculine parts? Some questions which could guide you towards the right direction.

Thank you, I'll take the questions into account for a while before I can give a concrete answer.

 

[GuessWhosBack]

I hate looking at myself in the mirror, it's always been a very iffy thing and since I was 16 I avoided looking at myself in mirrors and hated how I looked in pictures. I've tossed around the idea about being Trans but I've always been worried it's because I hate myself and who I am not because I want to look more feminine. I apologize if this makes no sense.

Could be dysphoria and/or dysmorphia, look into these.

 

[Marine]

I've been through this type of suffering, mistakenly thought I was trans, went on T for several years and ended up detransitioning (thankfully I didn't have surgery at least) with many disabling effects to fix now that make my daily life very difficult, so I suggest considering carefully all the possibilities.

In my case it was induced by complex trauma and environmental sexism / misogyny that lead to severe dysphoria and dysmorphia, especially distressing when I hit puberty early and issues with my periods were never taken seriously by gynecologists. Feeling more comfortable as the opposite gender is not necessarily a sign of being trans, it can happen for various reasons.

Hating yourself is always a sign of trauma though so I would consider looking into this issue first. I'm still not fully myself, I struggle a lot with mirrors and pictures because of weight issues and unresolved damage, which I haven't given up on fixing, I have a ton of things to fix in order to live and be fully incarnated, most of which require being loved, but I did find ways to like myself more and better my inner dialogue and outer appearance at least, so it's possible to improve and I'm sure get out of it completely depending on the situation.

 

[SVEN]

All I can do is wish you well and hope you can resolve these distressing issues.

 

[GuessWhosBack]

Hating yourself is always a sign of trauma though so I would consider looking into this issue first.

I have BDD and this couldn't be more true.

 

[thirdrailer]

What you're saying makes a lot of sense to me as a trans person, which is not to say you are or aren't also trans, but I get it. If you have privacy and a little extra money, you can pick up some inexpensive women's clothes and makeup and experiment with femme presentation. Basically, the same advice as RainAndSadness, but for your presentation rather than your body. The start of my gender exploration in earnest was a garment that cost me $3 from a big box store via in-store pickup.

You can also imagine having a more traditionally women's name or pronouns. Transition can be just social transition or just medical transition or both. It's whatever the person makes of it. (Legal transition is a whole other can of worms but in practice nobody explores that first.)

If you're able to, find a therapist who has experience working with trans people to help you explore that possibility. Even if you find you're not trans, well, I think you're less likely to be steered awry by someone with trans experience than someone without.

Thank you, I'll take the questions into account for a while before I can give a concrete answer.

It's also okay if you never have a concrete answer. My opinion is gender as an institution isn't nearly as concrete as we're led to believe anyway. Explore, play, have fun.

Someone upthread mentioned self-hate and trauma. For lots of us, our trauma came about because of how others responded to our transness. I'm such a person, so for me, exploring my transness was what led me to accepting I had trauma to address.

Also, this is a cool web thing. https://www.faceshape.com/gender-swap

 

[Gone soon]

I've been through this too, and it took a while to accept that I'm Trans. Don't rush it if you are not sure, because you might regret it

 

[freakshow]

i had this same line of thinking before cracking my egg. I thought I just had body dysmorphia because im actually hideous. But when I tried feminine clothing for the first time felt a lot of euphoria. I liked what i saw on the mirror for the first time. But i still hate myself tho