Im not even safe in my dreams anymore

[VoidBlessed]

In March of this year I found out something so horrible it broke me. I can't say what it is, it wouldn't be fair, but it was so bad it upended everything I believed in and destroyed my identity. The knowledge follows me everywhere and I see it every day.

Until September I held out hope that I could recover, but I can't. The trauma is just too deep. I've been constantly suicidal and triggered almost 24/7 for the last three months. The last refuge I had was my dreams, where I knew I would be safe - until today. Today it infected my dreams. I'm not safe anywhere anymore.

I can't do this anymore, be hounded by this knowledge every moment waking or sleeping. I'm going to try to hold on until the 22nd so I can give my friends their Christmas presents, but I'm not sure I can make it.

 

[J&L383]

I am sorry your dreams have now been infiltrated. I fully sympathize - my dreams are the place I can escape also. But I had an experience with a dream that included something that only exists in my physical life Which was very frustrating, I hope it doesn't bode well for future dreams.

I am glad you have to wherewithal to hold out at least till Christmas. Take a deep breath and perhaps things will get just a little bit better enough to maybe put this off longer. And who knows, maybe you'll have a dream that can counteract the bad one that you had. (In my case the next night I dreamed I was riding a motorcycle in a lush meadow like never before and this was good healing!).

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so dreadful what you have to go through, it's just so cruel and terrible to me how there's all this suffering in existing. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[SVEN]

Sorry you've lost your last refuge. Best wishes however things work out.