I'M NOT CRAZY!!

[StarryStarry]

I know this thread is going to sound as if I've lost my mind and I actually feel as if I've lost my mind. I've gotten two job offers. That is wonderful because now I can keep my beloved Sweet Pea. But as the day wears on and I think about these offers I am terrified. First I have to drive 24 hours to get there (1500 miles I think). My car still needs work (tires and some other crap $1500). I'm second guessing my ability to perform the job and what am I going to do if they fire me? FUCK FUCK. I'm so overwhelmed. The thought of going back to work after six months is terrifying. But I am so glad that I can keep Sweet Pea. Does anybody understand how I feel? Am I losing my mind? I know this sounds so trivial in the scheme of things. I'm just sitting here knowing I will have to get rid of everything I own to make this trip. But I can't find a job here (thanks asshole). I know that when Sweet Pea passes, I will be ctb so I'm actually living for my sweet girl.

 

[Lost Magic]

You could always try the job for a while to see how it works out while looking for something else? I hope you and Sweet Pea have many more happy times together. I love cats too and animals in general.

 

[som1]

I'm I'm in a similar situation to u. I will start work in a month or so and it's scary. I can't even get up out of bed how can I be expected to work in a compatitive design work space. I hated my major so much I work cry often. Now I am supposed to work and I can't handle it. I always wanted to ctb but right now I am forced to ctb as quickly as possible to save my self from the torture awaiting me.

 

[StarryStarry]

I'm I'm in a similar situation to u. I will start work in a month or so and it's scary. I can't even get up out of bed how can I be expected to work in a compatitive design work space. I hated my major so much I work cry often. Now I am supposed to work and I can't handle it. I always wanted to ctb but right now I am forced to ctb as quickly as possible to save my self from the torture awaiting me.

I am so sorry you are in this position, but I appreciate you sharing your story with me as I truly feel as if I am losing my mind. I have stayed in bed all day today. I feel immobilized as if I can't move. I have so much to do and I just can't. I wish I had someone (a friend) who could help me (not physically) and keep me focused on the tasks at hand. I keep talking to myself telling myself I can do this, but I don't think I can and I can't ctb because of my cat. Please keep in touch with me and let me know how you are doing.

 

[som1]

I am so sorry you are in this position, but I appreciate you sharing your story with me as I truly feel as if I am losing my mind. I have stayed in bed all day today. I feel immobilized as if I can't move. I have so much to do and I just can't. I wish I had someone (a friend) who could help me (not physically) and keep me focused on the tasks at hand. I keep talking to myself telling myself I can do this, but I don't think I can and I can't ctb because of my cat. Please keep in touch with me and let me know how you are doing.

I ordered my SN long ago and it should arrive soon. I will have a month to prepare myself to ctb. Hopefully my SI doesn't stop me and I will be able to do it. If I can't do it before starting work then maybe starting work and the stress of it will eliminate my SI and I will be able to do it finally.

 

[StarryStarry]

I ordered my SN long ago and it should arrive soon. I will have a month to prepare myself to ctb. Hopefully my SI doesn't stop me and I will be able to do it. If I can't do it before starting work then maybe starting work and the stress of it will eliminate my SI and I will be able to do it finally.

It's a sad world we live in. I'm so sorry you are carrying such burdens.

 

[som1]

It's a sad world we live in. I'm so sorry you are carrying such burdens.

Are you waiting for you cat to pass? If so how long will it take? Is rehoming not enough for you?

 

[StarryStarry]

Are you waiting for you cat to pass? If so how long will it take? Is rehoming not enough for you?

I've had Sweet Pea for 12 years. She depends on me. SHe is like my child. I couldn't find a good home for her and I won't just give her to anyone. She is the only "person" in this shitty world that has loved me. I'll wait until she passes and then I'll ctb. But until then I need to pull myself together and be grateful that I will be with her longer. It's just so hard.

 

[som1]

I've had Sweet Pea for 12 years. She depends on me. SHe is like my child. I couldn't find a good home for her and I won't just give her to anyone. She is the only "person" in this shitty world that has loved me. I'll wait until she passes and then I'll ctb. But until then I need to pull myself together and be grateful that I will be with her longer. It's just so hard.

I hope u find the strength to live until then

 

[Foresight]

Your story has touched my heart since I first heard it. I had a cat named Sandy that got me through my darkest days. I understand that bond with Sweet Pea. Cats can be so emotionally intelligent. It's completely understandable to start having anxiety. It's a big move and new jobs are always nerve racking. I think take it one task at a time. You have apartment clearing, work on the car, the drive, the new job, etc. That's a lot for anyone. Focus on one thing at a time and come vent to us when you need support, and give Sweet pea lots of love when you need. Best wishes.

 

[AnestheticVoid]

If they fire you then you're just back to where are you now so really nothing to lose to try. I hope it works out for you. It's good to still have a will to live cherish that.

 

[goldenvirginia]

I went back to work six weeks ago, after having a year off due to my mental health. The fear I felt was immense. But I did it. Take a deep breath and go with it. You can do it too.

 

[StarryStarry]

If they fire you then you're just back to where are you now so really nothing to lose to try. I hope it works out for you. It's good to still have a will to live cherish that.

My will to live has four legs and meows.

 

[itsallover]

I wish I could go back to work, but sadly can't now because one of my basic functions is all screwed up to the point I am debilitated at home nearly everyday. In your case I would say just take the job but before you do try some therapy and see if it changes your mindset. When I had to leave state university my junior year I eventually ended up getting the right treatment after a few years as all the negative shit went out the window and I was flying. Too bad I can't do that now as all I do is self-medicate to make it through the day and stay sane with a slight hope of getting better again. Eventually all resources will be gone and I'll off myself before I end up in the street.

 

[Emu]

I really wish you the best and in a world that can be horrible your love for sweet pea and sweet peas for you makes me happy to hear..and it really touches my heart, I wish you and your sweet pea all the best

 

[StarryStarry]

I wish I could go back to work, but sadly can't now because one of my basic functions is all screwed up to the point I am debilitated at home nearly everyday. In your case I would say just take the job but before you do try some therapy and see if it changes your mindset. When I had to leave state university my junior year I eventually ended up getting the right treatment after a few years as all the negative shit went out the window and I was flying. Too bad I can't do that now as all I do is self-medicate to make it through the day and stay sane with a slight hope of getting better again. Eventually all resources will be gone and I'll off myself before I end up in the street.

I am so sorry you're having such a hard time. I appreciate you sharing this with me.

 

[soinvisible]

So much, so soon, no wonder you feel overwhelmed. I am so glad you can keep your Sweet Pea, so sorry its all so hard. I understand the feeling of immobility, paralyzed. One step at a time, take breaks, love on your Sweet Pea and bury your face in her fur for a few minutes when the overwhelm hits...

 

[miserableforever]

I know this thread is going to sound as if I've lost my mind and I actually feel as if I've lost my mind. I've gotten two job offers. That is wonderful because now I can keep my beloved Sweet Pea. But as the day wears on and I think about these offers I am terrified. First I have to drive 24 hours to get there (1500 miles I think). My car still needs work (tires and some other crap $1500). I'm second guessing my ability to perform the job and what am I going to do if they fire me? FUCK FUCK. I'm so overwhelmed. The thought of going back to work after six months is terrifying. But I am so glad that I can keep Sweet Pea. Does anybody understand how I feel? Am I losing my mind? I know this sounds so trivial in the scheme of things. I'm just sitting here knowing I will have to get rid of everything I own to make this trip. But I can't find a job here (thanks asshole). I know that when Sweet Pea passes, I will be ctb so I'm actually living for my sweet girl.

I understand you very much. It's natural to worry when your life kind of depends on something.
But, you just being capable of even doubting yourself also proves your diligence and the ability to think things through. There is no way you mess this up.
Unless of course, someone doesn't like you and tries to make your life harder.
Like the other person said, try to make sure you have more irons in the fire, just in case.

 

[waitingforrest]

I am so glad that you get to keep Sweat Pea! Any new life change is stressful, especially when you are putting everything on the line.

And no, I don't think you are crazy at all. I have thrown away everything for things I care about, and I would do it again if I had to, even if I know that it will end eventually.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Perhaps this new opportunity is just the way you've been looking for to make sure Sweet Pea is well taken care of.

Maybe think of it less as a new challenge for you and more of a way to pay for kitty care? : )

I'm sure it's overwhelming, but don't forget to breathe. In and out, deeply. I find that concentrating on my breathing really helps ground me a bit.

Pet Sweet Pea and let her help bring your blood pressure down. Cats are awesome for that.

It might seem odd to some people, but I think Sweet Pea is a perfect reason to stick around for a while. For what it's worth, I'm glad you have a reason to stay, too.

((HUGS))