Venting I'm not able to ctb yet

[ADeadBunny]

I've been talking with this girl that I know from highschool and we're planning to move in together. It's getting to the point where we're starting to make decisions about where and when. We've been booking tours and whatnot of apartments and houses because she needs to be out before february.

I want to ctb soon, but I also don't want to put her in a worse situation. Her family is moving away so she won't have anyone to support her and I can't just abandon someone like that. I wonder if I ctb in the next week if she sould have enough time to find somethjng else? I just don't know what to do anymore. I have my exit bag ready. I just don't want want to hurt a friend.

I just want everything to be over. I want my suffering to end. I hate this feeling of suffocation, like I have no way out. I hate the pressure of life. I can't deal with my trauma. I can't deal with my illness. I can't stand that I'm not normal. I just want to die and I can't do it.

I should've done it Wednesday night, I had most of my materials. All I needed was the oven bags. Now after talking with her, I know I'm stuck here until I can find a good way to get out. I need a way that won't put her in a worse position. Maybe I can leave her a bunch of money somehow? I don't know, I just need out.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a difficult situation to be in, it's certainly understandable just wishing to be free from all the suffering. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find what you are searching for.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you are trapped in such a difficult situation. Unfortunately it's so much more difficult to leave when there are people that don't understand the decision to CTB. I hope you find peace in whatever you decide to do.