I'm miserable even though i'm not supposed to?

[blueclover_.]

I'm at a wedding right now. My grandparents reputation automatically makes me one of the special person for the other guests. I'm wearing a pretty green dress rn, with a light makeup and i could see everyone staring at me. I am quite attractive according to the beauty standards. This is the life that many people want.

Yet here i am, hiding in the bathroom. I couldn't handle everyone staring at me for whatever reason. I feel insecure about my parents because my dad is the poorest among his siblings and my mom isn't very well-liked by his family. They do like me though, but i'm always preparing myself for the worst case scenario. Like, my position is not secure rn. Even though my share of grandpa's inherintance is guaranteed, for now, i'm the lowest rank in this family. Honestly fuck all of them. I'm feeling suicidal in the middle of a party and all i can do is hide. I don't wanna cry cuz it took me 20 mins to put on my mascara.

Thank you for listening to my vent, sorry that i'm an ungrateful brat who's better off dead.

 

[Onthe29th]

I think I understand how you feel. You want to predict the future based on what you know about them so that you can feel in control and on top of the situation at all times but life doesn't work that way.

Anxiety is a control problem, you need to know when you can control a situation and when you can't and you need to let go of that control when you realize you can't or else you're going to become an anxious and paranoid mess like me.

What you think will happen probably won't happen
I'm sorry about your family too, it's hard when your family is like that

 

[FuneralCry]

Having to go to a wedding would make me miserable for certain. I cannot stand people. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you the best.

 

[GoldLeafIndigo]

Having to go to a wedding would make me miserable for certain. I cannot stand people. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you the best.

I honestly don't enjoy weddings. Even if I like the people.

 

[lostautist]

It's confounding how one person's tragedy would be another's dream. Not just this situation, but there all sorts of opposites here that could happily endure what others wouldn't. I see a post about someone's stress from Uni that I would happily trade for. Don't be sorry for venting. Everyone here has their own demons that are valid.

 

[LADY007]

I think I understand how you feel. You want to predict the future based on what you know about them so that you can feel in control and on top of the situation at all times but life doesn't work that way.

Anxiety is a control problem, you need to know when you can control a situation and when you can't and you need to let go of that control when you realize you can't or else you're going to become an anxious and paranoid mess like me.

What you think will happen probably won't happen
I'm sorry about your family too, it's hard when your family is like that

Very well put ! Anxiety is so much a control problem !! And I found it gets worse as you get older because it is harder to control your weight, your memory capability, losing bodily strength, losing family members and friends and getting tired from worrying about controlling your own death from wanting so much to stay out of nursing homes, etc. I'm sorry for sounding so negative but it is reality. I wasn't preoccupied with all this when I was in my early sixties but now that I'm 70 and have watched friends and family members dying, there are constant reminders of the end that is coming.