I feel like I'm looking in a mirror with some of this. Specifically the first image seems like it could've been written by my partner who just left me. Because I did constantly do the "I'm sorry" and then I do it again. I did frequently forget about conflicts we've had in the past. She did have a lot of trauma to do with her father. The thing is, like me, she is also extremely mentally ill. She has trauma that she hasn't treated that causes her to hyperfocus on negatives.
Now, I can't say if this is the same for you. I don't have that context. But I do know that initially I entirely blamed myself (as she blamed me), but as I've spent time, I've begun to view things a little more balanced. I don't know if that at all applies to you. But for me, while I still believe that I was a pretty shitty partner who was emotionally manipulative and inconsiderate and mean, I wasn't a monster. But again, that's me.
For you, it could be that you did everything wrong. I'm not going to deny that possibility. But that you have been willing to try and work on yourself indicates to me that you are not solely responsible. I don't know the context of your relationship, but people who are blameless don't write like what you've shown here. Whatever this person was to you, they clearly contributed. Might you have been more at fault? That's possible. I know I was more at fault than my partner. But like I can't reasonably say I was a monster, I cannot judge you a monster. Manipulative and mean? That's a possibility. Maybe even toxic. But I dont think I can provide you the condemnation you want.
Take that as you will, but those are my genuine thoughts. I'm sorry if this isn't what you were looking for, but given how strongly I see myself in some of these descriptions, I feel it necessary to give you feedback like that I've received.
