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Devils_candY

Devils_candY

Afraid of life... scared to sleep...
Oct 23, 2020
46
Truth be told, my years are all a mess. Starting young to now, I continue to disappoint myself. It's like a horrible rollercoaster I can't get off of... screaming for help tonight
 
Superdeterminist

Superdeterminist

Enlightened
Apr 5, 2020
1,783
I used to feel really bad about that as well, until I recognised that free will is impossible. Either the decisions you have made were determined by prior causes (particles causing neural events), or the decisions were completely random (i.e. they have no cause). Those are the only 2 options available, and in either case, you aren't mentally free. Having a mix of the two does nothing to add any freedom. The conclusion is that everything is luck, and any 'bad' decision is, at bottom, bad luck. Now, I may still feel bad about past decisions due to their negative consequences, but I don't feel guilt or shame; more annoyance that I was unlucky.
 
T

TooConscious

Enlightened
Sep 16, 2020
1,144
All I dream about is my shit experiences in life. I've addressed them an accepted them in life but in the dream realms they are very real still and it's destroyed me.

Claim blame game if you will but I think Its failure of the doctors refusing me benzodiazepines as they helped me and if I was taking them being monitored they would have helped my distress improved my sleep which would have improved my appetite and motivation to exercise. Thugs could have been so different with just two blue little tablets. But no.... "lets destroy this one."
 
M

MutatedFlower

Member
Nov 24, 2020
33
Yeah same here. I'm haunted by things I've done while manic and when I'm not by how meaningless my life has been.

I've been pretty naive too, so I think about that a lot as well.
 
A

Arthaniel

Member
Oct 20, 2020
77
It's terrible, it's a nightmare, I can't take it anymore.
I have the same my friend ... all the decisions and mistakes that got me where I am now. I once read a fantasy story about a man who died and was reborn with his consciousness in the body of a newborn ... how many mistakes would this avoid, create a perfect life ... unfortunately we have to live with the baggage of our own failures.
 
Serenity

Serenity

Another Broken Spirit.
Feb 8, 2020
79
Yep, this happens to me too. I basically lie in bed and ruminate on cringey moments in my life when I was a jerk to people or acted socially incompetent and embarrassed the shit out of myself. Happens a lot when I'm supposed to be sleeping.. The shame and guilt is overwhelming.
 
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DeathBySuicide

DeathBySuicide

Member
Nov 30, 2020
46
I feel the same way. Every time I think of my past mistakes and failures, I just want to stab a knife through my heart. I'm so sorry life has pushed you to feel this way. I really hope you'll find a way to feel better soon. Talking about it has helped me some, and if you're religious, you should pray as well. Best of luck to you :heart: :hug:
 
Caspers

Caspers

Lost
Jun 23, 2020
403
I wish I had the option of choosing which memories to remember and which one to forget. Or maybe just forget the main details at least
 
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wellherewego

wellherewego

Wanderer
Apr 30, 2022
55
This is how I feel… I can see no future with having to live with myself
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

She wished that she never existed...
Sep 24, 2020
33,350
Living can be very painful as our thoughts can torture us. It really can be so awful being alive. I do not want any more thoughts, I just want non existence. The only thing that comforts me is that my suffering will end one day and that this life will be forgotten about, all life is so temporary and meaningless, however I wish that it wasn't so difficult to leave this world. All I want is to peacefully pass away.
 
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