I can't take SN because I'm afraid it will make me short of breath

[Alexandra_]

I spent so many months thinking I'd definitely be able to take it. But it's the same as always. I'm such a coward that I can't even kill myself. I feel sick of myself. How can someone be such a coward? I'm so tormented by my illnesses, and my life is a real nightmare. For as long as I can remember, I've always been afraid of suffocation; that's the only reason I can't take SN. I recently read in a thread where someone who had just taken it wrote that he couldn't breathe. The SN Bible mentions shortness of breath, and so does Google, etc. I understand that everyone experiences different symptoms. It looks like I'll have to consider the shotgun method again. Enduring a natural death is not an option; I have to find some way out. It's so bad that words can't even describe it! Many people dream of dying for years, but SI doesn't let them do it—it's very sad

 

[bruised_reed]

I'm struggling with the same thing right now. The SI is real!

 

[rkk3]

if you want me to help you the si for that isnt real for me, air hunger or whatever its called is the least scariest thing you could ever feel

im just going to call it that air hunger from sn isnt painful

thats like sitting on a beach relaxing for me

and theres nothing false about me

you arent used to being given the chance to face pain some pain i would never face, air hunger isnt one

you have no idea how good it feels to face pain it feels so good that your body cant control you and never controls you

the universe never gave you the chance to face pain before its not your fault

I'm struggling with the same thing right now. The SI is real!

if God came to earth right now and gave me air hunger the same as from sn, i would let myself die the air hunger would make me happy

im in control

 

[purebliss]

I spent so many months thinking I'd definitely be able to take it. But it's the same as always. I'm such a coward that I can't even kill myself. I feel sick of myself. How can someone be such a coward? I'm so tormented by my illnesses, and my life is a real nightmare. For as long as I can remember, I've always been afraid of suffocation; that's the only reason I can't take SN. I recently read in a thread where someone who had just taken it wrote that he couldn't breathe. The SN Bible mentions shortness of breath, and so does Google, etc. I understand that everyone experiences different symptoms. It looks like I'll have to consider the shotgun method again. Enduring a natural death is not an option; I have to find some way out. It's so bad that words can't even describe it! Many people dream of dying for years, but SI doesn't let them do it—it's very sad

I feel you very much on that.

Same issue here. "Luckily" I currently have random psychotic episodes that remove my SI altogether. I am in the process of willfully causing one. The most important aspect for me is devoiding myself of any external stimulus that could solidify any feeling.

I noticed that if I meet people and they are very close to me in a physical sense, no matter if male or female, that my brain stops spiraling me down. And that is bad. Very bad. Because it further stabilizes my SI.

So I just don't meet with people right now, look at the most saddest memories I have, indulge in overeating to feel even more like trash, listen to as much sad music as possible and see if I can trigger yet another SI eradicating episode.
My brain is rotating through all kind of feelings in 10-20 second intervals. I can be manically happy in the first section and melancholically sad in the next. I can start to dance randomly in my bathroom without even realizing and then bawl my eyes out in the next 10 seconds. It's all so very interesting what is going on in my brain now

My life is hell and I have come to terms with that. I just... Need to be over the tipping point again. And that is easier said than done.

I will gamble with death. If the day arrives where I go into the psychward, oh well fuck then... I go in there with an open mind and full intention of getting better.
But I hope I can manage something different beforehand...