i really am. if i hadn't stumbled upon it i would probably have done something really stupid while trying to ctb. i thought it was much easier, like just trowing myself out of a building (not planning what building) or just tying a belt around my neck. turns out it isn't simple like that, there are many variants and i need to measure all that so i can successful. this website gave me the hope and the opportunity to look at it carefully and thoroughly, and i'm thankful for it. it made the possibility of getting out of here REAL, it gave a materialization to my fantasies. it made me realize ctb can become a reality. i just need to buy the stuff and that's that! and that's not easy, that's actually very scary, a whole lot of responsibility and it all depends on me! but also exciting, gives me solace and comfort (even though i can see and feel how SI is real too). too many complex feelings. even buying the stuff requires so much emotional strength, that i'm still gathering. after all i've reckoned my wish to ctb doesn't need to be just fantasy, i just need to have a rational and careful approach. there's truly a way out. thank you.
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