I'm going to leave a mess. Finances. Possessions.

[Jodes]

How will my finances affect who I leave behind? Posessions? Digital accounts, emails, facebook, passwords, paramedics, police?, funeral ....

If I were to CTB today, I'm leaving about as much mess as I could. Loved ones will be forced to grieve because society doesn't give a shit about people dying or who they leave behind.

Why I find it so hard to prepare: I'm depressed and slow to do ANYTHING: I've managed to write little snippets of things I might leave in suicide notes, but they're in Google Keep and I don't know how I'd get them to people.

And what will traumatise those I love beyond imagining:

First someone has to notice something's wrong: where's Jodes?

Spoiler

My partner will probably rush to my room, and realise it's barracaded. She'll panic. Try opening it, realising she can't, utterly panicking now, she knows exactly what's going on. She calls my parents, they rush over to help get in.

Spoiler

Then there's discovery of the body itself:

Spoiler

I'll be lying on the floor with a plastic bag over my head, lips blue, eyes possibly open with some bad expression on my face and body contorted. Gas bottles surrounding me. Luke warm to the touch, no response.

Spoiler

So how the fuck can I do this, especially since I've seen how devastated it made them the last time I was about to attempt. It's the most horrific decision I could make that if there's hell will get me half way there, but I can only reconcile this by knowing my life is only going to get worse, and I have already suffered. As far as I can tell, I have almost suffered as much from not CTBing 20 years ago as my loved ones will suffer as a result of my CTB. But that's all I've got. It'll probably get my SI kicking in, so I doubt I'll do it tonight.

The worst bit is giving my impulsive moods of BPD, I'm most likely to kill myself after an argument, which is the LAST thing I want to do, because it is absolutely not the reason I'm actually committing suicide. It would only be the trigger which I actually desperately want.

 

[Feline]

I'm at the point now where I don't give a fuck about any of it. I don't care who is left with my debts. I've distanced myself from everyone I love because I am looking forward to CTB too much.

How will my finances affect who I leave behind? Posessions? Digital accounts, emails, facebook, passwords, paramedics, police?, funeral ....

If I were to CTB today, I'm leaving about as much mess as I could. Loved ones will be forced to grieve because society doesn't give a shit about people dying or who they leave behind.

Why I find it so hard to prepare: I'm depressed and slow to do ANYTHING: I've managed to write little snippets of things I might leave in suicide notes, but they're in Google Keep and I don't know how I'd get them to people.

And what will traumatise those I love beyond imagining:

First someone has to notice something's wrong: where's Jodes?

Spoiler

My partner will probably rush to my room, and realise it's barracaded. She'll panic. Try opening it, realising she can't, utterly panicking now, she knows exactly what's going on. She calls my parents, they rush over to help get in.

Spoiler

Then there's discovery of the body itself:

Spoiler

I'll be lying on the floor with a plastic bag over my head, lips blue, eyes possibly open with some bad expression on my face and body contorted. Gas bottles surrounding me. Luke warm to the touch, no response.

Spoiler

So how the fuck can I do this, especially since I've seen how devastated it made them the last time I was about to attempt. It's the most horrific decision I could make that if there's hell will get me half way there, but I can only reconcile this by knowing my life is only going to get worse, and I have already suffered. As far as I can tell, I have almost suffered as much from not CTBing 20 years ago as my loved ones will suffer as a result of my CTB. But that's all I've got. It'll probably get my SI kicking in, so I doubt I'll do it tonight.

The worst bit is giving my impulsive moods of BPD, I'm most likely to kill myself after an argument, which is the LAST thing I want to do, because it is absolutely not the reason I'm actually committing suicide. It would only be the trigger which I actually desperately want.

 

[Dead beat dad]

How will my finances affect who I leave behind? Posessions? Digital accounts, emails, facebook, passwords, paramedics, police?, funeral ....

If I were to CTB today, I'm leaving about as much mess as I could. Loved ones will be forced to grieve because society doesn't give a shit about people dying or who they leave behind.

Why I find it so hard to prepare: I'm depressed and slow to do ANYTHING: I've managed to write little snippets of things I might leave in suicide notes, but they're in Google Keep and I don't know how I'd get them to people.

And what will traumatise those I love beyond imagining:

First someone has to notice something's wrong: where's Jodes?

Spoiler

My partner will probably rush to my room, and realise it's barracaded. She'll panic. Try opening it, realising she can't, utterly panicking now, she knows exactly what's going on. She calls my parents, they rush over to help get in.

Spoiler

Then there's discovery of the body itself:

Spoiler

I'll be lying on the floor with a plastic bag over my head, lips blue, eyes possibly open with some bad expression on my face and body contorted. Gas bottles surrounding me. Luke warm to the touch, no response.

Spoiler

So how the fuck can I do this, especially since I've seen how devastated it made them the last time I was about to attempt. It's the most horrific decision I could make that if there's hell will get me half way there, but I can only reconcile this by knowing my life is only going to get worse, and I have already suffered. As far as I can tell, I have almost suffered as much from not CTBing 20 years ago as my loved ones will suffer as a result of my CTB. But that's all I've got. It'll probably get my SI kicking in, so I doubt I'll do it tonight.

The worst bit is giving my impulsive moods of BPD, I'm most likely to kill myself after an argument, which is the LAST thing I want to do, because it is absolutely not the reason I'm actually committing suicide. It would only be the trigger which I actually desperately want.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this brother. It doesn't make you bad to care about these things and I understand it can be an awful place to be.
Saying that, I wouldn't worry about it too much from the money side of things. If your dead you physically can't do anything about it.
I hope you find your peace my friend.
DBD

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Why I find it so hard to prepare: I'm depressed and slow to do ANYTHING

This.

 

[Jodes]

I'm at the point now where I don't give a fuck about any of it. I don't care who is left with my debts. I've distanced myself from everyone I love because I am looking forward to CTB too much.

I hate myself so much. I just need to go. I was just told I need to see a psych purely because I'm selfish. It's my BPD talking now, but well fuck it then. If I'm selfish, I might as well do it in a way that benefits me. I literally just stayed for others. That's not selfish

 

[TAW122]

Over a month ago, I am rather determined to ctb (before the small recovery) so I would say that during that time (answering from before) I pretty much had planned out my suicide in great detail, location, method, time and date, and also even who and what I will say in my notes. I have also considered what I will do with what little property I have (not much, just a few personal effects and personal items as well as some money in my bank account). I'd say I was mostly at peace, knowing that "if things fail, well, I'll just die. That's it." At least that was what was on my mind at that time.

 

[locusdelicti]

Your financial situation and how your assets and liabilities will be handled will depend upon your country and state. If you don't give a shit, it's irrelevant. If you want to ensure the maximum amount of money you have saved will go where you want it to (and not be subjected to horrific probate, depending upon your state in the US...), you should see an attorney who specializes in Estate Planning. If you've got $500,000 or more in assets, it's probably time to start thinking of setting up a trust. Your liabilities will be deducted from your estate after you die - again, if you don't give a shit or you don't have much, you really have nothing to lose if you want to go on a spending spree (just make sure no one else co-signed on your credit card debt before you do it).

 

[Jodes]

Well, it looks like my 20k student loan debt will be cancelled, as long as someone pays a £10 death certificate for me

 

[locusdelicti]

Absolutely no idea how things work across the pond, sir. It's good that you're thinking of things like this though! My attorney has quite a bit of backlog, so I'm waiting on him to finish up my will. Once that's finished, the letters are already typed for cutting-and-pasting into delayed emails, and included in one email to my primary beneficiary is a list of contacts (work, veterinary, lawyer, etc.) and usernames/passwords for immediately closing down bank accounts (don't want direct deposits to keep going out unnecessarily). Instructions for obtaining 10 copies of a death certificate, titles to things, and keys will be laid out. Basically, I wanted to create an instruction manual of sorts for the people I'm leaving behind. No sense if aggravating their grief with confusion. I'm sure I'll forget SOMETHING, but I'll have the basics covered at the very least.

 

[Jodes]

Absolutely no idea how things work across the pond, sir. It's good that you're thinking of things like this though! My attorney has quite a bit of backlog, so I'm waiting on him to finish up my will. Once that's finished, the letters are already typed for cutting-and-pasting into delayed emails, and included in one email to my primary beneficiary is a list of contacts (work, veterinary, lawyer, etc.) and usernames/passwords for immediately closing down bank accounts (don't want direct deposits to keep going out unnecessarily). Instructions for obtaining 10 copies of a death certificate, titles to things, and keys will be laid out. Basically, I wanted to create an instruction manual of sorts for the people I'm leaving behind. No sense if aggravating their grief with confusion. I'm sure I'll forget SOMETHING, but I'll have the basics covered at the very least.

Omg. Firstly why did you call me sir lol.
Also, well done. It's seriously hard preparing to leave people behind.
When in brain fog I keep having thoughts that after CTB I can't tell people I'm sorry in person. It's why I want to make as much of my online life visible to people I leave behind.

 

[locusdelicti]

Omg. Firstly why did you call me sir lol.

Well, I don't know your sex, I don't know your age, but since suicide rates are approximately twice as high for males as for females, I made an assumption. If I was wrong, I apologize. Even if you know the odds, you can't win all the time.

 

[whereisfreedom]

I noticed everything what my relatives need and saved it on a usb-stick.
Even with address of a mortician and that I want a cremation.
So that nobody need to pay for a grave and cross.

But at first I want to get rid of my debt and save money for the cremation.

 

[Gina]

My family is SOOOOOO religious that its such a taboo to ctb, religion is another reason why I'am here.But My debt is so unbearable that I feel like going to the ocean and never coming up.I wish I was smart, I wish everyone could have a secod chance.But this world is too screwed up to do that. Between my mom, dad, grandma, and myself we owe a boatload of debt.I wish ctb was easy.I don't want to hurt my families credit, because of my betrayal.

 

[neveranyhope]

Well, I don't know your sex, I don't know your age, but since suicide rates are approximately twice as high for males as for females, I made an assumption. If I was wrong, I apologize. Even if you know the odds, you can't win all the time.

Completion rates are higher for men because they're more likely to use a gun, attempted rates are higher for women. Please do not discount the suffering of women. My god. Cannot get away from misogyny no matter where you fucking turn, huh?
I don't know about other debts or countries, but in the US, if you die with no next of kin and you have credit card debt, the bank just has to eat it. Nobody will be stuck with your debts unless you have kids. And even then, if they're underage, I'm not sure if they have to deal with the debt or not.

For me, I have so much credit card debt but just enough in my 401k to cover those debts if required with enough leftover to pay for cleaning out my apartment. If I were to take out my 401K early, I'd be hit with tax penalties that would cut the amount in half so it would not be worth it to take it out now to cover my debts.

I'm a creative and have never made enough money to live on. I had one job that paid more than enough but by that point I was very bad with money and never had any guidance on anything.

 

[dandan]

I would transfer my mom my money which isnt much, maybe 5K and send her instructions on nimiq crypto. and .... fuck... shit... many people here aint really going to ctb... but maybe some of us, a small minority will..... some had... fucking sad... but true

 

[locusdelicti]

Completion rates are higher for men because they're more likely to use a gun, attempted rates are higher for women. Please do not discount the suffering of women. My god. Cannot get away from misogyny no matter where you fucking turn, huh?
I don't know about other debts or countries, but in the US, if you die with no next of kin and you have credit card debt, the bank just has to eat it. Nobody will be stuck with your debts unless you have kids. And even then, if they're underage, I'm not sure if they have to deal with the debt or not.

For me, I have so much credit card debt but just enough in my 401k to cover those debts if required with enough leftover to pay for cleaning out my apartment. If I were to take out my 401K early, I'd be hit with tax penalties that would cut the amount in half so it would not be worth it to take it out now to cover my debts.

I'm a creative and have never made enough money to live on. I had one job that paid more than enough but by that point I was very bad with money and never had any guidance on anything.

I never discounted the suffering of women, and I already apologized for using a gender-specific pronoun, explaining why I did it. You want to hate me or call me a misogynist, that's fine, go nuts. But it's unfounded.

By the way, in the USA, credit card companies can recover any debt you have from your estate. Whether they do is up to them, but they can. The debt doesn't just magically go away. That's why probate was created - it's the process of paying bills and distributing remaining assets.

 

[dandan]

, and I already apologized for using a gender-specific pronoun, explaining why I did it....

I couldn't find anything mysoginistic about your message... maybe some gender-specific but thats not mysoginistic.. nor it does cause any harms... chill chill , cool cool

here we are,,, some of us close to dying... and people complaining ... damm... what a world... why didnt I did things right so I needed not to be at the office and at work at the moment... I fucked it up bad...

 

[locusdelicti]

I couldn't find anything mysoginistic about your message... maybe some gender-specific but thats not mysoginistic.. nor it does cause any harms... chill chill , cool cool

here we are,,, some of us close to dying... and people complaining ... damm... what a world... why didnt I did things right so I needed not to be at the office and at work at the moment... I fucked it up bad...

I doubt many of us are here because they feel comfortable with who they are or what they've done or the circumstances they are in. If it helps at all (and I don't know your situation, so it likely won't...), you can't do anything about the past. It's there, in the rear-view. All you can do is focus on what's right in front of you. The next minute. What your next move is.

 

[dandan]

I've been told that a thousands time. and its so true. the past is in the past. nothing to do about it.
just focus whats in front of you....

and the thing is that... in the past great, beautiful things could've been made......
whats in front of me.... are the crumbs of what could've been... there's no way things will be even nearly as good as they could've been...

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

My god. Cannot get away from misogyny no matter where you fucking turn, huh?

?

 

[I am ___________]

Completion rates are higher for men because they're more likely to use a gun, attempted rates are higher for women. Please do not discount the suffering of women. My god. Cannot get away from misogyny no matter where you fucking turn, huh?
I don't know about other debts or countries, but in the US, if you die with no next of kin and you have credit card debt, the bank just has to eat it. Nobody will be stuck with your debts unless you have kids. And even then, if they're underage, I'm not sure if they have to deal with the debt or not.

For me, I have so much credit card debt but just enough in my 401k to cover those debts if required with enough leftover to pay for cleaning out my apartment. If I were to take out my 401K early, I'd be hit with tax penalties that would cut the amount in half so it would not be worth it to take it out now to cover my debts.

I'm a creative and have never made enough money to live on. I had one job that paid more than enough but by that point I was very bad with money and never had any guidance on anything.

This is the reason why the world is a horrible place, because humanity argues over the dumbest things and creates division among itself. There was nothing misogynistic about what they said. It was merely a accusation based upon facts and data collected. Idiotic idealogies, concepts, and misconceptions.....

 

[sadpinky]

It's scary how we can all feel the same things without knowing eachother. I'll see you on the other side