it breaks my heart to know that this is the point you have ended up, but i completely understand and am happy you have found peace with it. i wish you the absolute best and although i have no methods hope that you get what you desire <3 im here to chat if you ever need and wish you the absolute best xxx
I'm sorry that life brought you to this point and you have to consider CTB. Did you have a look in the Suicide Resource Compilation? You find lots of info there that will help you choosing a method. I hope you find peace.
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