I'm giving September another chance

[sorrowfullyliving]

I'm not gonna try CTB until the end of September, giving the rest of the month another chance. At first I'm going to CTB at the beginning of September but maybe my luck just fucking suck, I've failed 3 times in the last two weeks alone, so I thought to myself maybe I should live for a few more weeks, who knows maybe there'd be a miracle. My next decision to live or not will be made by a mid term for my first semester of college, if my dumb ass failed that then I don't really have a reason to continue this existence. Let's just hope that when I inevitably fail at least my methods won't.

 

[PI3.14]

May I ask what's going on? Cus I'm sure the midterm is merely the last straw and not the main issue.

 

[sorrowfullyliving]

May I ask what's going on? Cus I'm sure the midterm is merely the last straw and not the main issue.

Just a former gifted kid whose brain never developed past middle school, what I'm mean is I have an academic down grade since I left middle school, which is still continuing until today(I'm in college now). I can't handle the expectation from my mom anymore, she still thinks that I'm a super smart kid, even tho my grades have been declining every year. I think I'm just not built for this whole life thing, maybe my intelligence was just destined to be at a middle school level, maybe it's just my fate to be a disappointment. I'm just so afraid to fail, even tho I know that only failures awaits me, heck I've failed to even die, my dumb ass can't even CTB properly. what hope do I have to continue this whole thing, if I keep being a disappointment maybe I should just end it

 

[PI3.14]

Just a former gifted kid whose brain never developed past middle school, what I'm mean is I have an academic down grade since I left middle school, which is still continuing until today(I'm in college now). I can't handle the expectation from my mom anymore, she still thinks that I'm a super smart kid, even tho my grades have been declining every year. I think I'm just not built for this whole life thing, maybe my intelligence was just destined to be at a middle school level, maybe it's just my fate to be a disappointment. I'm just so afraid to fail, even tho I know that only failures awaits me, heck I've failed to even die, my dumb ass can't even CTB properly. what hope do I have to continue this whole thing, if I keep being a disappointment maybe I should just end it

Did you check yourself for ADHD or autism?

I relate to your story a lot, was good at school but then got hit with severe depression prior to starting college. Got diagnosed with depression and found out that I have ADHD and I'm on the spectrum.

 

[sorrowfullyliving]

Did you check yourself for ADHD or autism?

I relate to your story a lot, was good at school but then got hit with severe depression prior to starting college. Got diagnosed with depression and found out that I have ADHD and I'm on the spectrum.

Huh... never thought about that, maybe I should. But that wouldn't be an excuse to how dumb I've become

 

[PI3.14]

Huh... never thought about that, maybe I should. But that wouldn't be an excuse to how dumb I've become

If you are autistic and/or have ADHD, then it will actually explain things.

You see, HS doesn't require much effort in comparison to college, especially if you are majoring in a STEM field.

Sometimes one's ADHD and autism aren't severe enough to hinder their school progress, but it's more than enough to cause an issue in college. That's why so many people who are autistic or have ADHD only discover their disorders later, cus they flew under the radar in HS and weren't very obvious.

Your therapist will probably ask about your history, I was astonished how my ADHD and autism traits were manifesting themselves all along but nether I nor my family were able to notice, I wasn't educated about those stuff though and nor my parents, it was given that we won't notice anything.

ADHD meds can help with focus and stuff, autism however is a different kind of beast.