Help I'm Getting Older and At a Crisis Point. Is This the Only Solution?

[kittyangelwings]

Hello again. I'm going to be completely honest because I have no other choice. All day today, I've had only one question in my mind: Should I kill myself? I am genuinely exhausted from this endless struggle.
I'm getting older, and everyone expects those "normal" things from me: "Get a job" , "build a life," "take responsibility." But I don't want to get a job. The outside world is so big, so chaotic, and so full of expectations that it paralyzes me. The thought of waking up in the morning and joining that "normal" life makes every single one of my wounds bleed again.
My troubled past, the shame I brought to my mother... With all this burden, how am I supposed to act like a "normal" person in a workplace? How will I hide those scars?
This pressure is so heavy that sometimes I think the only solution is annihilation/non-existence. Can I get out of this cycle any other way? If living just means taking on more responsibility and more burdens, why should I continue?
Please, tell me something logical. How do I cope with this fear?

 

[Pale_Rider]

You would continue, because you choose to. usually would want to exhaust every option before this one. there is no turning back. its final.

 

[losthope1980]

Hello again. I'm going to be completely honest because I have no other choice. All day today, I've had only one question in my mind: Should I kill myself? I am genuinely exhausted from this endless struggle.
I'm getting older, and everyone expects those "normal" things from me: "Get a job" , "build a life," "take responsibility." But I don't want to get a job. The outside world is so big, so chaotic, and so full of expectations that it paralyzes me. The thought of waking up in the morning and joining that "normal" life makes every single one of my wounds bleed again.
My troubled past, the shame I brought to my mother... With all this burden, how am I supposed to act like a "normal" person in a workplace? How will I hide those scars?
This pressure is so heavy that sometimes I think the only solution is annihilation/non-existence. Can I get out of this cycle any other way? If living just means taking on more responsibility and more burdens, why should I continue?
Please, tell me something logical. How do I cope with this fear?

hi, how old are you? life is hard, most times feels like a burden, I've been there before, and believe me it won't get easier, I've been through ups and downs, all that get a job, build a life . most of it I did it , somehow I've made it through all that nonsense. at times life has been good, most of the times not. at this point in my life im at rock bottom, and while a couple of weeks ago CTB was my only answer to my head messing up with me, I think at least for now Im choosing to fight against this life.

I've been through a lot, I understand fear, I understand not wanting to get out of bed, believe me. these days my only relief is when it starts to get dark which means ill have my quetiapine and will soon go to sleep and have some peace , although a new day comes and a new struggle comes with it , the fear, the uncertainty is still there. But for now I just keep holding on to something.

there will always be more burdens and more responsibility, but there's good things in the middle. if you want to talk im here .
wishing you the best