i'm failing so i want to die

[Levanter]

Hi there,
I'm new here. I recently joined SS because I felt like I was at my wits end. I'm a university student and I'm failing.
Everywhere I go feels so hostile. At home, I'm the punching bag of the family, anyone who wants to take their anger out will generally take it on me just because I exist. In university, I all of a sudden felt very out of place. I had a relationship with a guy I liked in my course that completely failed, but he's friends with all of my "friends" there. Hanging around in university felt so unbearably uncomfortable and awakard I just stopped going. For two weeks I haven't gone and it looks like not one of my "friends" care about where I've been. The people I thought would reach out to me, have not. During, those two weeks I struggled to keep up with my assessments, and I have more to come. I'm definitely going to fail them. I haven't slept in two days, it's unbearable. So I'm going to kill myself.

No one cares about me. They're all better off without me and I'm better off without a life that loves to make me suffer.

Problem is my cats. I don't want to leave them behind, but I also don't want to live to see them die. But the guy I liked told me they don't love me. So I think there's no point to this "life" I have anymore.

I'm not sure how I'l end it but the date I have in mind is the 1st of July of this year. It's kind of scary typing that haha. I have a note prepared, it's pretty messy so I might rewrite it before I die. I'm not sure. I'm very unsure of this.

I want to better my life, but I feel I have no control. I want to die because I hate the suffering but I feel like I may have some hope. Now I don't see that so much. I see it getting worse. I'm sorry about the ramble and how incohesive it is. I'm just at a loss for what to do. I just don't want to fail my assessments but idk if killing myself over it is worth it

 

[SleepingLessons]

I want to better my life, but I feel I have no control. I want to die because I hate the suffering but I feel like I may have some hope. Now I don't see that so much. I see it getting worse. I'm sorry about the ramble and how incohesive it is. I'm just at a loss for what to do. I just don't want to fail my assessments but idk if killing myself over it is worth it

Hey, welcome to the forum! I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time right now. It sounds like you've really been given a shit hand. You deserve people around you who do care, and family who don't use you as a punching bag. It seems very understandable why you're feeling like you are, but from what you've written it seems like you still have a little hope for the future, or at least a desire for things to get better. CTB (not sure if you've seen this yet but it means to "catch the bus", a term for suicide commonly used here) is an absolute final option. Obviously there is nothing else after, so if you have any hope at all, please please think about holding onto that and doing everything you can to better your life. Suicide will always, always be an option, so there's nothing to lose by not going for it quite yet.

University can be so fucking brutal for mental health and I'm so sorry that it's pushing you to think of hurting yourself. It can feel all consuming and bring up so many feelings of shame and anxiety that just make depression worse. However, it is only temporary, and even if the "worst" thing happens and you drop out, life will keep going. It's not a failing on your part, and you could live an amazing, fulfilling life without getting a degree. But there should also be systems in place to catch you before that happens - have you reached out to anyone for help yet, or are you struggling with this alone? Maybe look at if your university has wellbeing services, or if you live somewhere with accessible healthcare maybe get in contact with the doctor? This forum is a great place to talk about how you're feeling too, and I'd recommend checking out the recovery section for support. And please feel free to reach out and message me (once you can) if you ever want to chat, I'm a Uni student in the UK and I'm always happy to talk about it.

It sounds like you're doing better than you give yourself credit for. Things can get better.

 

[Levanter]

Hey, welcome to the forum! I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time right now. It sounds like you've really been given a shit hand. You deserve people around you who do care, and family who don't use you as a punching bag. It seems very understandable why you're feeling like you are, but from what you've written it seems like you still have a little hope for the future, or at least a desire for things to get better. CTB (not sure if you've seen this yet but it means to "catch the bus", a term for suicide commonly used here) is an absolute final option. Obviously there is nothing else after, so if you have any hope at all, please please think about holding onto that and doing everything you can to better your life. Suicide will always, always be an option, so there's nothing to lose by not going for it quite yet.

University can be so fucking brutal for mental health and I'm so sorry that it's pushing you to think of hurting yourself. It can feel all consuming and bring up so many feelings of shame and anxiety that just make depression worse. However, it is only temporary, and even if the "worst" thing happens and you drop out, life will keep going. It's not a failing on your part, and you could live an amazing, fulfilling life without getting a degree. But there should also be systems in place to catch you before that happens - have you reached out to anyone for help yet, or are you struggling with this alone? Maybe look at if your university has wellbeing services, or if you live somewhere with accessible healthcare maybe get in contact with the doctor? This forum is a great place to talk about how you're feeling too, and I'd recommend checking out the recovery section for support. And please feel free to reach out and message me (once you can) if you ever want to chat, I'm a Uni student in the UK and I'm always happy to talk about it.

It sounds like you're doing better than you give yourself credit for. Things can get better.

So I've been having a hard time keeping up with my studies due to some issues I have mentally and because of life at home. I've asked to have an extension so that I can have some peace of mind that I'll be able to finish my work but I need evidence of my situation. I've only been to a couple counselling sessions in my university before I just felt too shit to go. I explained to my counsellor how my home life makes it difficult to study. The documents I sent showing I've been to these sessions wasn't enough so they rejected my request for an extension, tod me I need a letter from the counsellors explaining everything so I'm trying to get that. I know i can just take longer than my peers to graduate but I don't want to. I used to be a top student according to my tutor but now I'm so behind. I just want to leave this place because I hate the course so much, I don't enjoy it and all my friends/classmates, I just find it hard interacting with them. They're all jokingly mean but it makes me feel so down, I feel like an annoying child to them.

I hate this course but I'm already in my seocnd year and would be livid if I didn't get anything (like a degree) from suffering two years of that.
I dont want to redo a year and see all my peers graduate without me.
I feel so lost and left behind. And no one seems to care,