I'm experiencing a suicidal crisis

[Spite]

Just within the last few hours, I have been overcome by immense grief. I've been dwelling on everything. Thinking about my entire life, trying to figure out where everything went wrong. Was it from the moment I was born? Was it a few years ago? I don't know.

Just in the last 30 minutes I have been crying hysterically, hands covering my face while I'm sobbing uncontrollably and tears are going everywhere and my face is all warm and flustered and I can barely keep myself composed right now I feel like I'm going insane. Even my vision right now is watery from all the tears. I'm a failure. It's all I have ever been and it's all I will ever be.

I have so many regrets. I've thrown away love. I've been betrayed by so many people, even family. I lost things that were dear to me that I will never get back. I've been ostracised and exiled from society ever since I was young. I hardly relate to anyone. I have almost nothing worth living for.

I almost can't take this anymore. Everything feels so hopeless. My whole life feels like a mistake like I was never supposed to be born. I've wanted to die for such a long time but I have no easy, surefire way to quit the game. I hate this and I feel so trapped. I don't have anyone IRL I can talk to about this because the moment I open up about what's really on my mind and the kind of thoughts I have that torment me every single day, I just know I'm going to be involuntarily committed and it's already happened to me once and it was a horrible experience, I refuse to let it happen again.

Why is this my life? Why can't I be a normal person? Why can't I just be happy? Why why why why why

 

[Hollowman]

Very relatable unfortunately. Hopefully things will improve somehow.

 

[Unknown21]

Same

 

[madwoman]

I'm so sorry for your pain. You are certainly not alone here. Maybe look up the suicide hotline in your area to call. Or call someone for a distraction to get your mind off of this spiral. Or go outside for fresh air. Or watch something to take your mind off of this. Anything to distract yourself and do self care. I often get in these dark periods or I'll be crying so hard and my mind spirals to every dark thing imaginable but once I distract myself from the spiral, it helps. Sending love

 

[58Alice85]

The normies are rotten and corrupted
they have forfaited all capability for authentic feeling with their disgusting behavior
all the things they have done to you was because they wanted to torture and destroy someone
people like us are the only ones left