Venting I'm euphoric about suicide

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

I feel very euphoric about the idea of wanting to kill myself but I don't know if I can manage it. I'm very weak and don't if I could manage it if it ever moved beyond the realm of fantasy. I'm also emotionally wracked and can't control myself. It feels impulsive and intoxicating.

And this makes me question if I could kill myself if I'm in this state of frenzy. I tried to kill myself and didn't went through with it due to fear of not being able to finish it... and now I want to desperately but think it would be unwise to do it impusively. What if I screw up?

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

It's a liberating sensation. In some ways it's even beautiful. It's honest. Almost intimate. Playing with mortality, coming to terms with it, owning it, it's a worthwhile experience. It's part of being alive. Even if you don't rush to the grave.

Spoiler: A Thread I Wrote. It's Long.

Doubting

Lately there have been a few posts by people who acquired their method and once they did they began to doubt their planning and decision. And that doubt seemed to bring a wave of confusion at their thoughts, feelings, and actions (or lack thereof). It's been on my mind so I wanted to share some...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[IBM0000]

Well, yeah, that is the only thing I can actually do, it'll also absolve me of having to deal with the consquences of my actions. It feels like power and control, the only real power I'll be able to exercise.

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

It's truly tempting. I feel inspired to write poems about suicide. I draw people killing themselves and feel the pulsating desire to end it all. To spit out of spite at the world!

 

[Lookoutbelow]

I believe that euphoria will die down once you go from fantasizing about it. To actually facing it.

 

[sserafim]

I feel very euphoric about the idea of wanting to kill myself but I don't know if I can manage it. I'm very weak and don't if I could manage it if it ever moved beyond the realm of fantasy. I'm also emotionally wracked and can't control myself. It feels impulsive and intoxicating.

And this makes me question if I could kill myself if I'm in this state of frenzy. I tried to kill myself and didn't went through with it due to fear of not being able to finish it... and now I want to desperately but think it would be unwise to do it impusively. What if I screw up?

I just wish there were an easy way out

 

[Lys_C15H25N3O_d3]

it feels like "winning a lottery" (neither too much to avoid SI , neither too little to avoid becoming .. what i dont haha=\

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

I believe that euphoria will die down once you go from fantasizing about it. To actually facing it.

I'm either very euphoric or very unenthusiastic about cbting. Yes it is like this. When you have to face death it's difficult and you have to be very brave. I don't know if it's better to cbt when being euphoric because being in a frenzy causes you be unhinged and you can face it better then but you also can do mistakes because of not being careful. When unenthusiastic I'm clear minded but I don't have the guts to go through with it...

 

[haibane]

I definitly feel u, just thinking about dying calm me, sadly theres no easy way out. Most method are either unreliable or pricey.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

I'm either very euphoric or very unenthusiastic about cbting. Yes it is like this. When you have to face death it's difficult and you have to be very brave. I don't know if it's better to cbt when being euphoric because being in a frenzy causes you be unhinged and you can face it better then but you also can do mistakes because of not being careful. When unenthusiastic I'm clear minded but I don't have the guts to go through with it...

I get it. I used to day dream about falling backwards off of a tower while looking up at the stars. Then I came face to face with looking down my jump site. All of the fun fantasy is gone now. Now I picture myself jumping but it's not so poetic anymore.