I'm sorry and sad that life has brought you to this point. I hope whatever you do works out for you and you get to the peace you deserve. Have you done any research into jumping? Or, is this just on a whim? I'd implore you to at least do some research on jumping and what is *usually* required as far as height. I'd hate to see you end up in a situation that just adds more misery on top of all the other misery going on in your life.