I'm desperate to leave, i hope i'll go this weekend

[SamK]

Edit

Today was awful. i was going to be impulsive and od on opiates but have found a rational space within to gather my thoughts and stick to my original plan. Thank you everyone. It's only a few days. I can do it. .

 

[Miss clefable]

Please be careful paracetamol is really hard on the liver I don't want you to suffer

 

[okyeah]

gl

 

[Pk95]

I wish you all the luck. Be careful .. plan diligently. Hope you find peace..Peace.

 

[SamK]

Thanks for caring, but i hope the opiates will take me first. I have morphine as well, but will start with codeine. The morphine will knock me out fast, too fast.

Thank you

 

[throwaway123]

I hope this works for you. Good luck.

It was good to have known you. I hope you find eternal peace.

 

[SamK]

As far as i'm aware, Codeine turns into morphine in the liver, so whilst i'll feel a bit floaty and strange, it's likely to help take me over a slightly longer time than (liquid) morphine will. Ill probably unconscious and stop breathing. Morphine is similar to heroin when converted in body. Here's hoping, thank you

 

[tammyot]

Truly wish this will be peaceful Sam, good luck

 

[SamK]

I have around 85ml oramorph which is 10mg per 5ml

 

[SamK]

found extra co codamol, i have a box of 100 with about four missing. now the tricky part is how to swallow as many without puking. Food is a nono? or will it help to have a light snack ? anybody

 

[Miss clefable]

Take the morphine with alcohol empty stomach

 

[itsallover]

Can't you get your hands on some fentanyl? A small grain of that will kill you. I wish I had beachy head where I live. All I have is bridges with suicide barriers. Who the fuck is the government to make that decision for you. We all know when it's our time to die. Why make it more difficult than it has to be? It's not like I'm jumping on some fucking whim.

 

[couldntthinkofaname]

could you combine this method with hanging or drowning?

make sure this work bc you dont want to survive with a permanent damage to your organs..

 

[DarkTear]

Good luck, Sam. You're a nice person, I enjoyed writing with you.
It's sad to see you going but I hope your plan will succeed.
I can't help you with that method but why don't you stick to CO? It does seem way safer to me...

 

[SamK]

Can't you get your hands on some fentanyl? A small grain of that will kill you. I wish I had beachy head where I live. All I have is bridges with suicide barriers. Who the fuck is the government to make that decision for you. We all know when it's our time to die. Why make it more difficult than it has to be? It's not like I'm jumping on some fucking whim.

I wish i had fentanyl as well
and yeah, i totally agree. We were not given the choice to come her,e why no choice to leave?

 

[SamK]

I wanted to stick to CO darktear, you are lovely too. I am just desperate. So i'm falling on what i have on me.. which is these opiates. I have the tent but its pouring with rain and i have no charcoal starter yet. bbq's alone and in the rain tonight wouldn't work if i wntd it to. I'm waiting til gone midnight because it's my nephews birthday today, of all days to go, i want to make sure it falls on the 23rd. But i've started, minus opiates. Those for the morning. I'm gonna drink first (the beer) and fast from now.

 

[SamK]

I took three metaclopramde and then a small amount of pills to test, i feel sick still, so they are not working. I'm gonna take a few more soon, heard the sooner you take them, giving them more time to work is best. God i hope this works. I'm not opiate tolerance, my resistance to them is low-mid so it wont take much, i hope. I'm thinking about crushing as many as i can and putting into a liquid. the morphine is fine, it tastes like calpol. Sweet. i'll have no trouble there. Pills .. on the other hand... yuck.
I feel bad as anything , that lil boy will miss me, but , i'm desperate, what can i say. Its not easy for anbody. right now i'm sorting a youtube video list for people who will search my name, they'll find it.

 

[DarkTear]

I wanted to stick to CO darktear, you are lovely too. I am just desperate. So i'm falling on what i have on me.. which is these opiates. I have the tent but its pouring with rain and i have no charcoal starter yet. bbq's alone and in the rain tonight wouldn't work if i wntd it to. I'm waiting til gone midnight because it's my nephews birthday today, of all days to go, i want to make sure it falls on the 23rd. But i've started, minus opiates. Those for the morning. I'm gonna drink first (the beer) and fast from now.

I don't want to stop or tell you what to do so I hope you don't pick it up wrong. I just don't want you to end up with damage.

Personally I would rather CTB a few days later with a proven and more secure method than taking some pills in desperation and under time pressure.

However you decide, I'm thinking of you tonight. <3

 

[NOT SURE ANYMORE]

I wish you all the best. All these pills sound dangerous! And you've still been posting so this doesnt seem like the quickest way out.

 

[setianism]

Good luck I OD'd on opiates it wasn't nice at all but I hope you won't suffer for long

 

[SamK]

@DarkTear
I think you are right. i get paid this coming wednesday, i could get the charc starter then. But god i'm so desperate to go, its one of those days. i'm crying my eys out here, never ever has living been so painfil in all my life. I'm usually good at holding off with peace and knowing i'll die, when i have all my resources. I'll not just stop breathing no? . I'm thinking on it. The crap i've taken already isn't enough to kill. I was going to wait til early hours moning to make it not fall on (kids) birthday.

Do I just force myself to bed and screw this? or risk it? i heard opiates are good
my belief is i'd stop breathing, it would bee depressed with the opiates, CNS depressants, and alcohol. I'm going to think on it .Thank you. An if i do wait until thursday, how the hell am i going to cope. Usually i cope by working on things i have left to do. Like paying off bills so family not left with them, cheering up friends, emailing them, telling ilove them, writing notes. My most recent time i went to the woods just for the sake of going one more time. I'm out of things keeping me here and just feel so much pain.

 

[wezel]

I don't want to tell you what to do, but I am a bit sceptical your method will work 100%. The charcoal method, done rightly, will definitely work.
I am just concerned for your wellbeing, so that you don't suffer from bad consequences of a failed attempt, which would make everything a 100 times worse and could be potentially catastrophic.
Just give it another thought, even if it feels near impossible right now. A few days waiting may be worth it.
Wishing you the best in everything.

 

[DarkTear]

I can understand you. But suicide with pills will likely go wrong. I know your feelings. The feeling about being totally broken for weeks and then there are some triggers wanting you to ctb instantly.
Pills are a bad option unless you are 100% sure that they'll kill you. But you can't think clearly when beieng desperate.
I took a whole bunch of Lorazepam, Quetiapin, Venlaflaxin, Mirtazapin (and some other pills my psychiatrist tried on me) once. I just wanted to die this day and in this moment (a huge dispute with my parents whilst feeling very depressed for months triggered it) just like you. And in that moment of total exasperation I believed that I would fall asleep forever.

So stay away from it and go for CO...

 

[DarkTear]

I'm out of things keeping me here and just feel so much pain.

Endure the pain for a few days longer and end it with a good & peaceful method. You don't want to feel the pain waking up in hospital and being kept in the psychiatry...

But again, everything I write is just my opinion. Decide on yourself.

 

[Over n' Out]

That 85ml oramorph is the ideal thing to swig down when in your C0 tent to relax. It's hard to come by. Be patient.

 

[SamK]

Thank you both. You're right. I want to be final. If there's any chance in hell i'll wake up in hospital and be sectioned again it's not happening. I'm listing stuff on ebay right now to get some money togeter for co method this week. Thank you. xx

 

[SamK]

I wont go in to what happened toay but same thing darktear. Its been a hell of a day and feeling so bad you just want to do it right away. I did once as well. it did, land me hospital six months. there's no bloody way that will ever happen again

 

[Trashcan]

Good luck Sam. You're an awesome human being and I hope this works out for you.

 

[SamK]

I took nine so far, its calmed me oddly to fnd some rational spacce within me to know that selling stuff, and gathering money for CO is the wisest thing. Crap. Thank you so much.

 

[DarkTear]

I wont go in to what happened toay but same thing darktear. Its been a hell of a day and feeling so bad you just want to do it right away. I did once as well. it did, land me hospital six months. there's no bloody way that will ever happen again

Then it was probably the right decision to stop now. Affect-suicide could work when using a method like jumping, but just taking pills usually just gets you a ticket for the psych ward, not for the bus. ;-)