Venting I'm convinced my family is suspicious that i might kill myself

[Morning Angel]

and I hate myself for it, don't have anything really substantial to say but my sister shared this guilt trip as fuck post on facebook, sort of implying people who are seriously suicidal don't go through this guilt through their own thoughts anyway...

makes me wanna go and slap her in the face and say DO YOU GET IT? DO YOU REALLY GET WHAT IT MEANS TO WANT TO NOT EXIST? Because I know she doesn't. She's told me she loves life. She can't understand.

Wowww, girl. Just... wow. That was quite a production. Holy shit. And she's never spoken directly with you about this?

 

[RM5998]

makes me wanna go and slap her in the face and say DO YOU GET IT? DO YOU REALLY GET WHAT IT MEANS TO WANT TO NOT EXIST? Because I know she doesn't. She's told me she loves life. She can't understand.

Maybe that's why we're bound to remain stuck in places like this, because society needs an idea like this to not be part of the mainstream. The point of society is to milk all workers without needing to take responsibility for doing the milking, and the idea of this place is anathema to that.

 

[weedoge]

Wowww, girl. Just... wow. That was quite a production. Holy shit. And she's never spoken directly with you about this?

That was another persons post, she just shared it but yeah she's unable to talk to me about this stuff. Same with my mother.

 

[Morning Angel]

That was another persons post, she just shared it but yeah she's unable to talk to me about this stuff. Same with my mother.

If they can't even talk with you directly about it, how do they even expect for you to change your mind? I don't get it. Is it possible your sister was just copying it and posting for the performance element of being on Facebook? I mean you probably know her better, but it seems awfully passive of a way for her to tell you not to do it.

 

[weedoge]

If they can't even talk with you directly about it, how do they even expect for you to change your mind? I don't get it. Is it possible your sister was just copying it and posting for the performance element of being on Facebook? I mean you probably know her better, but it seems awfully passive of a way for her to tell you not to do it.

I just assume she's directing at at least partially at me because of my history, and a while ago before I made this account my mother accidentally saw the header for this site so I got pretty paranoid. I think I give off this air of suicidal failure and pessimism sometimes.

 

[MEoDP]

Nobody wanted you to take your life. Nobody wanted to wake up and find your body. Nobody wanted this, wished for this

An easy counter; You never asked to be born either,yet your thoughtless parents decided to force you into existence where there's absolutely no guarantee of life success/happiness.

 

[MEoDP]

You know,if you ever choose to CTB for real,I'd suggest writing your true feelings towards your sister in your suicide note,just to spite the bitch.

My own sister is fine for the most part,but she does have her unreasonable moments like this as well.

 

[RM5998]

An easy counter; You never asked to be born either,yet your thoughtless parents decided to force you into existence where there's absolutely no guarantee of life success/happiness.

Understanding this requires a significant amount of detachment. And that's something most people don't have.

 

[MEoDP]

Understanding this requires a significant amount of detachment. And that's something most people don't have.

I know,but I do think its something good to bring up just to give unreasonable people like her sister the middle finger. people like that really get on my nerves.

 

[weedoge]

You know,if you ever choose to CTB for real,I'd suggest writing your true feelings towards your sister in your suicide note,just to spite the bitch.

My own sister is fine for the most part,but she does have her unreasonable moments like this as well.

It upsets me and makes my decision more difficult. There's a lot of consideration going from me to my family, but none in return. I spend all of my time thinking about how "fair" things are and how people try to one-up each other constantly until both forget why they're either doing it.

Anyway there's no way I could do that, if anything I just want to help my family understand a bit better why I have to go through with this no matter what. No matter how much I truly feel that the pain in my life could have been avoided had things been different growing up, I can't let anybody know that I feel this is anybody's fault but my own. I don't think anyone deserves to have that on their minds, especially once I'm gone and can no longer help them find closure.

I do get you though and it certainly has been tempting in the past.

 

[Miss clefable]

Hugs I can't relate because all my family have gone but my partner is selfish :(

 

[NOISYMIND]

Hugs I can't relate because all my family have gone but my partner is selfish :(

I am so sorry to hear this.... :(

 

[weedoge]

Hugs I can't relate because all my family have gone but my partner is selfish :(

I love you to bits Miss but I've always been of the mind that someone acutely suicidal shouldn't really be dating or have a partner... it's an impossible situation and it's not really selfish of your partner to want to keep you around because being in a relationship itself almost implies a desire to live. I'm not saying you have that desire just not everyone who tries to save you is a horrible awful person, even if that's what we wish.

 

[Miss clefable]

I love you to bit Miss but I've always been of the mind that someone acutely suicidal shouldn't really be dating or have a partner... it's an impossible situation and it's not really selfish of your partner to want to keep you around because being in a relationship itself almost implies a desire to live. I'm not saying you have that desire just not everyone who tries to save you is a horrible awful person, even if that's what we wish.

Yeah I have other reasons