Thanatonaut
My time is coming.
- May 17, 2019
- 264
I was here from nearly the very beginning. I was Chronicpainnomore and Nobody_nowhere_2 after that. I was in the final stages of planning to CTB with nitrogen exit bag when 2 weeks before my date, I found a doctor who agreed to treat my pain. It was an 8 hour drive away, but it gave me time. I actually got my dream job in March of this year! And about that same time, some busybody on Twitter who lost their kid to an overdose took offense to this doctor actually treating people's pain (he only had 34 patients - all of whom took their meds as prescribed, no incidents.) and somehow got the authorities to strongarm him into surrendering his DEA license. He can no longer prescribe controlled meds. Well, since it was kind of a high-profile thing, I managed to find a doctor in the same general area who would still help me. I was able to get the meds filled through my insurance's mail order pharmacy (local pharms wouldn't touch it because it was high dose and out of state doctor.) And then on October 1st, my insurance switched mail order pharmacy services to a new company, and they refused to fill my script unless it was reduced by 75%. About a week later, my boss was forced to let me go because I couldn't concentrate from the pain and it's a safety issue. There were tears on both sides.
And with the job went the insurance, which means I now have no pain control. So I'm literally right back where I started. It was a great 2 years, but it's obvious now that it's time to start planning to CTB is here. I feel like I'm locking back into it, like getting mentally ready, which is exactly what was happening 2 years ago. Only this time I feel even more at peace with it. It might have to do with the fact that after I was rescued, I confided my CTB plans to my wife and sons. Not the specifics, just that it had been close. So they know that it's something I don't want to do, but they've also watched me fight this and get beat down more than once.
So that's what's been going on with me. I don't have a date set for CTB. The way I am right now, I could decide to do so at any time.
And with the job went the insurance, which means I now have no pain control. So I'm literally right back where I started. It was a great 2 years, but it's obvious now that it's time to start planning to CTB is here. I feel like I'm locking back into it, like getting mentally ready, which is exactly what was happening 2 years ago. Only this time I feel even more at peace with it. It might have to do with the fact that after I was rescued, I confided my CTB plans to my wife and sons. Not the specifics, just that it had been close. So they know that it's something I don't want to do, but they've also watched me fight this and get beat down more than once.
So that's what's been going on with me. I don't have a date set for CTB. The way I am right now, I could decide to do so at any time.
