I'm Back After Drinking SN

[Lifeiswildsuperwild]

Thank you for this. Happy for the new peace you have found.

 

[JSauter]

Put your phones somewhere neither of you will be able to reach. If he's serious about ctb he'll agree to do that.

You should be more worried about if your partner dies and you end up living somehow. Good luck with law enforcement. The partner thing is an incredible legal liability.

 

[Space Cadet]

I'm glad you have found peace and want to live. Thanks for sharing your real experience. I'm just sad that SN appears not to be a pain free way to CTB I was hoping it might be.

 

[MysticPerception]

I just read this thread for the first time too. I have a question.. why do you want to recover after your attempt?
I have read others who failed ctb say the same...

Well I made a gamble and I lost it. It's as simple as that really. I decided to give recovery a chance since ctb failed and then I got extremely lucky and now I'm actually very happy and haven't thought about ctb at all in over a week other than a few passing thoughts of it's a good thing I didn't die back then. I'm pretty much completely stable now actually so recovery worked out for me. A combination of medication and love did the trick for me.

do you regret calling the 911?

Not at all really. It was hurting a lot more than I expected and I half thought I was going to end up being saved anyway so I didn't regret at first. Now I don't regret in the slightest and am very happy I didn't. If I had died that day I would have missed out on being with a very wonderful person who truly makes me happy. Happy in a way I haven't been since I was a small child with no cares in the world. So to answer no I really don't regret calling 911. Not saying others should necessarily as their situation may not be as salvageable as mine but I think I made the right choice.

 

[CuddleHug]

Put your phones somewhere neither of you will be able to reach. If he's serious about ctb he'll agree to do that.

Never deny someone else the right to change their mind, though. Make sure to discuss this thoroughly beforehand.

The good thing with SN is that both will likely be saved if one calls for help, meaning the surviving party won't be in legal trouble (since no one died). Pretty risky either way, but less so than some other methods if you're doing it with a partner.

 

[Rue89]

Never deny someone else the right to change their mind, though. Make sure to discuss this thoroughly beforehand.

The good thing with SN is that both will likely be saved if one calls for help, meaning the surviving party won't be in legal trouble (since no one died). Pretty risky either way, but less so than some other methods if you're doing it with a partner.

I agree that everyone can change their minds. I didn't mean pressure them into it. I think if someone wants to keep a means to get help close to them that's a sign they might not be ready, and I wouldn't go through with ctb with them.

 

[CuddleHug]

I agree that everyone can change their minds. I didn't mean pressure them into it. I think if someone wants to keep a means to get help close to them that's a sign they might not be ready, and I wouldn't go through with ctb with them.

That's perfectly fine, I just wanted to add that it's important to discuss properly, not just decide on a whim. I don't think I could ever do partner CTB (too many risks), but if I did, I think I wouldn't want my phone nearby either.

 

[Done here]

We haven't spoken but good to have you! I'm so glad you're getting help you want and need.

 

[Lastravel]

Thanks for sharing !

 

[Whitewash11235814]

What did the doctors say? Did they say you'd be dead if you hadn't called? Thnx for sharing.

 

[Jumper Geo]

I'm finally home after my wild gamble. I'm going to detail how things played out and if anyone wants to ask me questions about it feel free to do it here. I suggest you do it here instead of PMing me so other people don't ask the same questions over and over. Anyways here's how things played out:

After making my thread and going to sleep to fast I woke up on time. After waking up I ate two tylenol and then 30 minutes later I ate one tums. 30 minutes after that I said my supposedly possibly final words then poured and drank my SN. Not an exact time frame as it took me about 10 minutes to pour it and get to drinking it finally. It tasted like pool water. I mean like if you have ever accidentally got pool water in your mouth it's like swallowing multiple swallows of that. It was awful, like insanely bad. The taste still haunts me so yeah. Pinching my nose helped me get it down though so for anyone having trouble with the taste try that I guess. A few seconds later after drinking it my stomach started to hurt like hell. It was as if I dropped a hot coal into my stomach and it was just there and there was nothing I could do it about it. Oddly enough I waited while doubling over in pain and talking to @Jean4 and @Kirbster and kept thinking I'll throw it up I'll throw it up then I'll drink more if I have to. I did not throw up. I didn't throw up, instead I got extremely dizzy. I then panicked because I realized I'm clearly not ready yet(thanks Kirbster) and decided to call 911 while dizzy. I told them where I live and they picked me up and took my SN away with them. I told them what it was what I had drinken said I had tried to kill myself over the phone and in person confirmed what I said and then while they were taking me away in the ambulance I promptly passed out.

It was nothing. It was pure pitch black nothingness. The closest thing to oblivion a complete black out with no thoughts or feelings. It's as if time had stopped yet I hadn't realized it anyway. I felt nothing, I thought nothing, it was actually fairly peaceful. Then I woke up clearly in the ICU surrounded by my family who kept batting away my hand as I tried to reach for the mask that had tubes going down my throat. Being in the ICU was horrible not gonna lie. Luckily I soon after got a room and was able to think things through properly and say I need help/want help to the psychiatrist assigned to me. I told them all about my gamble(I in fact had to repeat this countless times) I admitted to buying SN before as a back up plan in case everything goes to hell, a last resort if you will. Luckily they believed me as I was telling the truth and thought hiding things would just overly complicate the help I needed. I was in the hospital for about 5 days then I was moved to a psychiatric hospital/ward whatever you get it. I was brought at night so it was actually hell. There was nothing to do, there was one tv and it was off and I had two roommates that were already asleep and one of them snored so loud I thought he was going to rob me of all possible sleep. Luckily after that hellish nightmare everything was fine. I made some friends, got some medication, and while I was bored I was still in an infinitely better spot compared to before. It's amazing what a little medication and time away from everything can do for someone who has never bothered to even try in the past.

Anyway all that to say I'm much better now. I don't plan to ctb in the forseeable future and hopefully ever if I can keep feeling at least fine. I thought for sure after telling two different people I was dialing 911 everyone would know I made it. My phone was actually right next to me when I did it so yeah that worked out. Here's the funny parts though. I admitted to multiple people I should have just checked myself into a psych ward to save myself some time and trouble and get this, my meto arrived 3 days after I did it. 3 days! What the heck, it was nowhere near where I live last I checked. I got completely screwed over in that regard and missed the package so they put a pink slip despite leaving everything else at my door in the past. Here's the other funny bit, no one was going to come home. Everyone didn't realize or know I was suicidal and didn't expect it. Had I not called 911 on myself I would be dead. 10 more minutes and I would have been toast. I was very dizzy when the ambulance arrived so I would have just passed out despite the pain no problem left alone. At least things worked out in the end. My gamble was successful but I don't plan on doing that ever again. Next time I'll just ask for help the normal way. Or more like, everyone knows I need help now so hopefully the chance doesn't feel the need to present itself and I continue to not think suicidal thoughts as I have been lately. While I am a bit disappointed there are people I won't be able to see for a while yet I'm still content with the fact that I'm alive right now and don't intend to let things in my life stay the same as they were before I made my attempt.

If you have any questions for me like I said please ask them here as a PM is just going to lead to more of the same PMs.

Wow, thanks for the amazing story and giving us some insight into the SN method even though you experienced stomach pain I do feel ctb on SN is a reliable way to go, but it's also wonderful if you decide it's not your time, you aren't left with permanent or life changing injuries so stay strong if things ever get bad again just remember what you've gone through and find that strength again it's in you, it just needs a push to come to the surface.

As all the sensible questions have been asked, I bet when you went for s SHIT, it was like having a HOT Vindaloo, the night before SN is my method got everything except Antacid, everything was just so easy to acquire, unbelievable, so anyway I think this video and song sum up how your feeling, best of luck, enjoy your LIFE.

 

[LastRide]

I'm sincerely happy for you that you survived and are feeling better ! But isn't it bizarre - I survived ctb twice, was not happy, since as you said yourself, there is this moment of absolute peace and tranquility once you pass out and that nothingness is just so comforting....I had that too...my question is, why can we not achieve this during life, why is it only possible when you are close to death???? Why does one have to go all the way to get this feeling? I think I've never been happier than when I thought I was dying. Isn't that bizarre? Why? Why? What is wrong in our lives? Do you have any thoughts on this?

 

[Steamm]

I'm sincerely happy for you that you survived and are feeling better ! But isn't it bizarre - I survived ctb twice, was not happy, since as you said yourself, there is this moment of absolute peace and tranquility once you pass out and that nothingness is just so comforting....I had that too...my question is, why can we not achieve this during life, why is it only possible when you are close to death???? Why does one have to go all the way to get this feeling? I think I've never been happier than when I thought I was dying. Isn't that bizarre? Why? Why? What is wrong in our lives? Do you have any thoughts on this?

That part is interesting. You think this feeling of nothingness is what dead is about?

 

[MysticPerception]

What did the doctors say? Did they say you'd be dead if you hadn't called? Thnx for sharing.

They said I would absolutely be dead if I had not gotten help. I turned completely blue and my oxygen levels were extremely low.

I'm sincerely happy for you that you survived and are feeling better ! But isn't it bizarre - I survived ctb twice, was not happy, since as you said yourself, there is this moment of absolute peace and tranquility once you pass out and that nothingness is just so comforting....I had that too...my question is, why can we not achieve this during life, why is it only possible when you are close to death???? Why does one have to go all the way to get this feeling? I think I've never been happier than when I thought I was dying. Isn't that bizarre? Why? Why? What is wrong in our lives? Do you have any thoughts on this?

I got nothing honestly. You have to find your own happiness. I'm happier now than I was in that blackness but it is comforting I admit. Kind of wish I could sleep like that sometimes at night. But nothingness isn't really a good feeling to have while alive I have to say.

 

[unsureabootleif]

This is more a personal scale but 8 for me probably 6-7 for most other people. Maybe even less I'm not sure. My stomach gets into a knot when I'm stressed out and my stomach is very sensitive(not when it comes to throwing up but any pain really) so it was probably worse for me than most people. I'm definitely sticking around SS for sure. This is my home away from home. They would have to tear me away from here with force if they wanted me to stop being around the people I know and love. Even if some of you do disappear in the coming year I still want to be here when they go.

As for the feelings...Definitely fear and pride while pouring the SN. Didn't think I would even have the courage to do that with the way my body was shaking before hand. After pouring it, an odd feeling of melancholy mixed with happiness. I knew things were about to change since pouring the SN means I'm not all talk that's for sure. After drinking it, mostly just disgust. Disgust with myself, disgust with the taste, and then pain. Lots of pain and regret and definitely some anger mixed in near the end as you know how pissed I was when I went to go call 911 I didn't hide it from you lol. To Jean it probably just looked like I was whining about the pain then backed out but you know I was battling myself even up until the last second when I did call. My feelings when calling were definitely regret mixed with fear. I regretted calling but knew I was probably doing the right thing but then I was fearful they wouldn't arrive in time(impossible I know but my mind was not in a good state obviously). So yeah that's pretty much about it. I'd say I was a tad disappointed when I woke up but mostly confused because of the mask. After that I was like well dang guess I'm getting help I lost fair and square time to follow up on my promise to myself. I originally thought I would cry when I woke up but I wasn't really sad about it so much as accepting of the reality since you know I'm the one who called 911 lol.

Hi, just wanted you to know I'm glad ur still here And for you to know that I'm someone with a literal bag of SN in my closet. I'm someone who's had it for a while, and am in a place (29, unemployed, broke) where I felt like I might be closer to using it. Though I'm deeply sorry about the pain you experienced, it's given me a lot more pause about using it. And I think, deep down, I do want to get better, as I imagine all of us (secretly and non-secretly) want to. I think I'm making a decision to get rid of mine, thanks to your brave post. Thank you for sharing it and I hope you are in a better place in all areas of life. Thank you, thank you, you may have saved my life

 

[skatergirl]

I'm finally home after my wild gamble. I'm going to detail how things played out and if anyone wants to ask me questions about it feel free to do it here. I suggest you do it here instead of PMing me so other people don't ask the same questions over and over. Anyways here's how things played out:

After making my thread and going to sleep to fast I woke up on time. After waking up I ate two tylenol and then 30 minutes later I ate one tums. 30 minutes after that I said my supposedly possibly final words then poured and drank my SN. Not an exact time frame as it took me about 10 minutes to pour it and get to drinking it finally. It tasted like pool water. I mean like if you have ever accidentally got pool water in your mouth it's like swallowing multiple swallows of that. It was awful, like insanely bad. The taste still haunts me so yeah. Pinching my nose helped me get it down though so for anyone having trouble with the taste try that I guess. A few seconds later after drinking it my stomach started to hurt like hell. It was as if I dropped a hot coal into my stomach and it was just there and there was nothing I could do it about it. Oddly enough I waited while doubling over in pain and talking to @Jean4 and @Kirbster and kept thinking I'll throw it up I'll throw it up then I'll drink more if I have to. I did not throw up. I didn't throw up, instead I got extremely dizzy. I then panicked because I realized I'm clearly not ready yet(thanks Kirbster) and decided to call 911 while dizzy. I told them where I live and they picked me up and took my SN away with them. I told them what it was what I had drinken said I had tried to kill myself over the phone and in person confirmed what I said and then while they were taking me away in the ambulance I promptly passed out.

It was nothing. It was pure pitch black nothingness. The closest thing to oblivion a complete black out with no thoughts or feelings. It's as if time had stopped yet I hadn't realized it anyway. I felt nothing, I thought nothing, it was actually fairly peaceful. Then I woke up clearly in the ICU surrounded by my family who kept batting away my hand as I tried to reach for the mask that had tubes going down my throat. Being in the ICU was horrible not gonna lie. Luckily I soon after got a room and was able to think things through properly and say I need help/want help to the psychiatrist assigned to me. I told them all about my gamble(I in fact had to repeat this countless times) I admitted to buying SN before as a back up plan in case everything goes to hell, a last resort if you will. Luckily they believed me as I was telling the truth and thought hiding things would just overly complicate the help I needed. I was in the hospital for about 5 days then I was moved to a psychiatric hospital/ward whatever you get it. I was brought at night so it was actually hell. There was nothing to do, there was one tv and it was off and I had two roommates that were already asleep and one of them snored so loud I thought he was going to rob me of all possible sleep. Luckily after that hellish nightmare everything was fine. I made some friends, got some medication, and while I was bored I was still in an infinitely better spot compared to before. It's amazing what a little medication and time away from everything can do for someone who has never bothered to even try in the past.

Anyway all that to say I'm much better now. I don't plan to ctb in the forseeable future and hopefully ever if I can keep feeling at least fine. I thought for sure after telling two different people I was dialing 911 everyone would know I made it. My phone was actually right next to me when I did it so yeah that worked out. Here's the funny parts though. I admitted to multiple people I should have just checked myself into a psych ward to save myself some time and trouble and get this, my meto arrived 3 days after I did it. 3 days! What the heck, it was nowhere near where I live last I checked. I got completely screwed over in that regard and missed the package so they put a pink slip despite leaving everything else at my door in the past. Here's the other funny bit, no one was going to come home. Everyone didn't realize or know I was suicidal and didn't expect it. Had I not called 911 on myself I would be dead. 10 more minutes and I would have been toast. I was very dizzy when the ambulance arrived so I would have just passed out despite the pain no problem left alone. At least things worked out in the end. My gamble was successful but I don't plan on doing that ever again. Next time I'll just ask for help the normal way. Or more like, everyone knows I need help now so hopefully the chance doesn't feel the need to present itself and I continue to not think suicidal thoughts as I have been lately. While I am a bit disappointed there are people I won't be able to see for a while yet I'm still content with the fact that I'm alive right now and don't intend to let things in my life stay the same as they were before I made my attempt.

If you have any questions for me like I said please ask them here as a PM is just going to lead to more of the same PMs.

Wow you poor thing do u think u would have died if u didn't phone the hospital

 

[maniac116]

Im glad you're ok & it sounds like maybe the whole incident was a blessing in disguise.
I hope your future stays bright & "solution oriented".
Maybe the whole incident is what was needed to change your life for the better. Godspeed