Hi all, I'm new around here. You can call me 3. I wanted to open up and share my story m a little bit. I'm hoping this coming thursday will be the day I ctb, as it is the only day in the next coming months I will be able to get away unnoticed. The Bus is not somthing I am scared of, yet I embrace it. I look forward to all it has to offer.
I had originally attempted a few months ago in October, by such I left my housearound 1am to drive to a pre determined location in the middle of nowhere, maybe 2 hours from where I lived. I had a lake in the middle of no-where in mind, and my intention was to drown myself while higher than donkey balls. Once I got maybe 10 minutes from the location a deer ran out in front of me while I was driving at least 65, I didn't react in time and hit him head on.. ended up totaling out my truck. I took that as a sign of "right idea, wrong time." And I waited to the next opportunity to arise.
And that opportunity is around the corner now, and it's a knockin. This time I'm not sure so sure I can attempt at night. Which blows. Day time means more eyes; more chances of this going wrong and I get caught, and suffer even worse than before, for the rest of my damn life. And I especially don't want to draw attention. In my case I do not have a lot of options so I plan to find a quiet bridge with a decent sized river below, pull over, smoke a blunt and jump.
I have aligned all my affairs for the most part and done all I can to make this process easy. The only part I get hung up on is how much I dispise the cold. I wish I could go out euphorically, warm n fuzzy type. But that's not a viable option for short notice as this.
I will be much happier observing Earth from another plane of existence, rather than playing in this rat race called life.. maybe one day a new generation of humans can figure out being a wage slave isn't the way.
I had originally attempted a few months ago in October, by such I left my housearound 1am to drive to a pre determined location in the middle of nowhere, maybe 2 hours from where I lived. I had a lake in the middle of no-where in mind, and my intention was to drown myself while higher than donkey balls. Once I got maybe 10 minutes from the location a deer ran out in front of me while I was driving at least 65, I didn't react in time and hit him head on.. ended up totaling out my truck. I took that as a sign of "right idea, wrong time." And I waited to the next opportunity to arise.
And that opportunity is around the corner now, and it's a knockin. This time I'm not sure so sure I can attempt at night. Which blows. Day time means more eyes; more chances of this going wrong and I get caught, and suffer even worse than before, for the rest of my damn life. And I especially don't want to draw attention. In my case I do not have a lot of options so I plan to find a quiet bridge with a decent sized river below, pull over, smoke a blunt and jump.
I have aligned all my affairs for the most part and done all I can to make this process easy. The only part I get hung up on is how much I dispise the cold. I wish I could go out euphorically, warm n fuzzy type. But that's not a viable option for short notice as this.
I will be much happier observing Earth from another plane of existence, rather than playing in this rat race called life.. maybe one day a new generation of humans can figure out being a wage slave isn't the way.
