I'm anxious, please give advice

[InsatiableEmptiness]

My grandma died and I don't want to go to the funeral that is 4 and a half hours away. I'd have to pick up my brother who is very cruel and drive him there as well. I have so little money and I have to do a lot just to keep a bedroom of my own to live in. I'm so drained and I have no energy. I'm expected to just cooperate and do the good family thing. But I'm just dead inside. I don't ever see this family or really know much about them. I'm so fucking depressed, stressed and emotionally exhausted. I feel guilty but I'm just so fucking tired.
Am I a bad person?
Why is life so difficult?
I wish it were me in that coffin

 

[lookingforsanctuary]

You don't sound like a bad person. Just a tired person.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You are not a bad person. It seems you are very exhausted.

 

[InsatiableEmptiness]

Thank you for taking time to reply

 

[Little_Suzy]

I'm sorry for your loss. If you don't have the energy, don't go.

It's a long journey for someone who is depressed.

Ask if the funeral home offers live-streaming services. If not, have someone send you a brief video.

There are ways to participate that won't compromise your health.

 

[FuneralCry]

It does sound so tiring being trapped in that situation and you shouldn't feel guilty as I understand that existing really can be so unbearable when you feel exhausted of everything. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[disgustingtrash]

My grandma died and I don't want to go to the funeral that is 4 and a half hours away. I'd have to pick up my brother who is very cruel and drive him there as well. I have so little money and I have to do a lot just to keep a bedroom of my own to live in. I'm so drained and I have no energy. I'm expected to just cooperate and do the good family thing. But I'm just dead inside. I don't ever see this family or really know much about them. I'm so fucking depressed, stressed and emotionally exhausted. I feel guilty but I'm just so fucking tired.
Am I a bad person?
Why is life so difficult?
I wish it were me in that coffin

Hi I am so so sorry for your loss love. You are not a bad person at all, you're in a very vulnerable and stressful state right now. You must be exhausted, take time for yourself and you have nothing to feel guilty about

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sure you're not a bad person. If you're dreading this- I'm sure there's good reason that you feel that way. Personally- I think you need to put yourself first. If this is really going to be bad for you- I'd say- don't go or at the very least- don't pick your brother up. Say you feel ill or something. Not being funny but the way I see it is- there's nothing more you can do for your Grandma now- she's at peace. The funeral is for those left behind. If those people are going to be nasty to you- why put yourself through that? If you believe your Grandma is looking down from heaven- I'm sure she'd understand.

I'll be in a similar position to you when my Dad goes. There's one particular person in my family that I would do ANYTHING not to see again. I'm actually seriously considering CTB as soon as my Dad passes to avoid all that. Families huh? I'm so sorry- I hope that whatever you decide- it goes ok.

 

[macrocosm]

You shouldn't have to feel forced to do anything. Doesn't make you a bad person at all.

 

[outrider567]

My grandma died and I don't want to go to the funeral that is 4 and a half hours away. I'd have to pick up my brother who is very cruel and drive him there as well. I have so little money and I have to do a lot just to keep a bedroom of my own to live in. I'm so drained and I have no energy. I'm expected to just cooperate and do the good family thing. But I'm just dead inside. I don't ever see this family or really know much about them. I'm so fucking depressed, stressed and emotionally exhausted. I feel guilty but I'm just so fucking tired.
Am I a bad person?
Why is life so difficult?
I wish it were me in that coffin

No, you're not a bad person, don't bother going to her funeral, way too far way-- I loved my grandmother like crazy but refused to go to her funeral 40 years ago--She was 93 and had a great life--I never go to funerals, they're too depressing--Only been to my father's funeral and my only brother's funeral, that's it

 

[InsatiableEmptiness]

I'm sure you're not a bad person. If you're dreading this- I'm sure there's good reason that you feel that way. Personally- I think you need to put yourself first. If this is really going to be bad for you- I'd say- don't go or at the very least- don't pick your brother up. Say you feel ill or something. Not being funny but the way I see it is- there's nothing more you can do for your Grandma now- she's at peace. The funeral is for those left behind. If those people are going to be nasty to you- why put yourself through that? If you believe your Grandma is looking down from heaven- I'm sure she'd understand.

I'll be in a similar position to you when my Dad goes. There's one particular person in my family that I would do ANYTHING not to see again. I'm actually seriously considering CTB as soon as my Dad passes to avoid all that. Families huh? I'm so sorry- I hope that whatever you decide- it goes ok.

Honestly I've never had much of a connection with her, I still dont mean to be disrespectful or anything. My mom is already up there with her siblings and I just feel bad I'm not there for her. Im just fucked up emotionally and mentally

 

[SVEN]

Not bad at all, just weary, tired and depressed. Be kind to yourself.