i'm an ugly girl and it sucks knowing i will never be loved

[nessun_nome]

or at least... not in the way i would want to be loved. not in the way i love others.

no one will ever look at me and miss a heartbeat.
no one would realistically choose me if they had better options.
i will never be anyone's "crush".

just being alive is a humiliating ordeal at this point.
everywhere i go i am reminded of my lack of worth.

when i see pretty girls and i think about how even if i had the money to afford plastic surgery i wouldn't come close to them.
when i see someone i'm attracted to knowing i will never have a chance with them and they will probably end up with a better-looking girl.
when i get my picture taken and it ruins my day every time and without fail.
whenever i talk to someone and all i can concentrate on is how repulsive they find me and how they feel pity towards me or treat me like a joke.

when i can't enjoy what i like to do because i look ugly doing it. i look ugly while i sing with the faces i make, so i can't sing in front on anyone. i look ugly in all of my clothes, so no point spending money on them. make-up can't fix it. hair can't fix it. because i have a massive beak on my face and it's impossible to hide it.

when i flirt with people on dating apps and i have to ghost them after getting that initial serotonin boost because i know if they saw me irl they would be shocked and disgusted by how different i look.
when people compliment me and it feels like humiliation.

i will have no memories to look back on because i am a monster in every photo. every trip, life event, party, night-out is always ruined because of the reality of my appearence.

i will never have anyone brag about me or be proud of dating me. or chase me.
i often feared my ex was ashamed to have such an ugly girlfriend.
any kind of attention i get feels like a stab-wound because the only reason people even consider me is probably because they're desperate.

everyone i know - even the ones who have obvious flaws - is better-looking than me.
maybe they have weirdly-shaped teeth, but they have decent breasts and ass.
maybe they're kinda chubby but with a nice face.

my body looks pre-pubescent. i have no curves. my face is hideous. my nose is monstrous. i feel like if i stare at myself for a long enough time my features start to melt like candle wax and look even more bloated and deformed. i don't even think i look human.

the reality is that when you're a woman looks are the only thing that matters. i know i have a decent personality and i'm pretty intelligent (with an higher than average IQ even) and funny. i have been told so by pretty much everyone who has ever known me. i make friends super easily.
i have passions and hobbies. i am well-read. i believe i am honest, kind, interesting even. and very loyal.
and i am in decent shape. i am currently the ideal weight for my height.
so don't give me the "improve yourself" talk.
let me tell you NO ONE CARES.
beauty is like the price of admission. everything else is just a bonus. but without being hot and fuckable, nobody gives a fuck and nobody will ever see you as anything more than a friend or someone to exploit.

it sucks knowing i will never get to enjoy or know what it's like to be young and pretty. to have people want me.
i'm tired of suffering. nobody wants me here and i have no reason to fight.

the only reason i don't kill myself is because i'm afraid of the pain.

i know a bridge in my town some people have jumped off of and died. i have searched up the news articles to try and see if they died on impact.
they also added a high-speed train now that passes by the station. but i do think that's too brutal of a way to go.
i have tried to buy helium kits and sodium nitrite before. maybe i should try looking them up again. and if you have any information on vendors that ship to europe please let me know.
please help me find a way to die without pain if you can

This is very sad. But to me you don't sound ugly. Obviously I can't say from here but you sound lovely.

Attractiveness is not an absolute. Who do you want to be attractive to? I don't doubt that many people would find you attractive or cute even. I've known women who have some of the characteristics you've described and found them very attractive.

Do you ever do people watching? There are lots of odd-looking people around (to me - it sounds horrible to say that) but somebody found them attractive.

Believe me, there are people who like curves, petiteness, big breadth, small breasts, athletic builds, voluptuousness and so on. If you've been on dating sites, is there a body type that describes you? If so, that means that there are enough people who find your physicality attractive! What do your friends say about your attractiveness?

Happy to talk more.

 

[kane9191kosugi]

The problem is that society preaches this "lookism" BS and stupid ass celebrity worshiping too much so there are increasing people with mental health issues. Social media is also a driving factor as well lol.
Like look at South Korea and how fucked up the society is with obsession towards plastic surgery. It's fucking up the society mentally, and it's happening the same with Kpop/Kdrama fanatics in Japan as well (and probably other places too lol).
And I don't buy this narrative that "if you do plastic surgery your life suddenly becomes so beautiful" BS. The fact that you need to change your freaking face or looks to have a fulfilling life shows how fucked up the society is lol.

Thankfully I have some sort of social disability+communication disorder so I just don't give a shit about what the mainstream society/celebrity preaches or worships in general. I guess my "flaws" work for the better in this situation lol.

Good riddance, this world is so obsessed with fake shit lol. Just thinking about it makes me want to ctb lol.

 

[Codename_Joryu]

Damn... I'm not even a girl, but I literally wanted to cry while reading this, because I can relate to this so much. People really don't understand how fucking hard life is when you are ugly, all they are saying is the same shit like "oh, your looks doesn't matter, it's your personality!". Shut the fuck up, there's literally a thing called lookism, which is a real thing and is approved by a lot of studies. People who are good looking literally have a higher chance of becoming more succesful in life, why the fuck do you think most millionaires are over 6 feet tall? How you look MATTERS A LOT and it can either make your life a lot better or fuck it up for good. I also hate how I look, I can't even look in the mirror because I'm just disgusted at myself, I hate when someone takes a picture of me because I look like a fucking retard in all of them. Nothing ever helped me become more confident or attractive, weightlifting, skincare, choosing right clothes or haircut. All of these just made me look like an ugly person trying to be attractive. I don't want to tell you the cliche shit about how you are finally gonna find someone that's gonna love you for who you are, despite your flaws, to be honest I don't believe it either. People were telling me this my entire life and it just pisses me off if anything. I just wish you that things are finally gonna work out and you'll finally find the happiness you need.

 

[Orbitc]

You earn $2000-$6000 per hour?

No)) I live in a third world country and the average salary here is several times less than in America) But I won't risk working in America - the police will probably quickly catch me and deport me)) I don't want to work for an agency or pimps. In my country, when I try to find a job in another field, I see that most people earn as much per month as I earn for 1 hour of work. My clients are bankers, traders, businessmen, oil workers, programmers - wealthy people

It's a very understandable degree of self-esteem that you should not feel ashamed or disoriented to be suffering from. It's a bioloogical emotion driven by the primitive human mission to find the most mates to reproduce with. I imagine it's 100 times harder for a female to experience. I have seen plenty of wildly attractive women with the ugliest of men, but rarely see attractive men with absolutely non-attractive women. The physical appearance lottery is probably one of the cruelest things about life.

Jeff Bezos's new wife is a vulgar freak with cheap silicone and ugly face tuning)) Or Elon Musk's girlfriend Grimmez is also terribly ugly. Although she has a very sweet sexy voice and a beautiful slender body for her age, nevertheless her face is not beautiful))) there full of happy freaks who have rich husbands. It's not about appearance - I wonder what the secret of their attractiveness is.

 

[todiefor]

I'm really sorry u feel that way about yourself and how society forces women to lose self esteem due to looks etc, it really breaks my heart, it's senseless cruelty. You seem like a nice and intelligent and empathetic person and I hope you can surround yourself with people that value you for who you are so that you can build up your confidence within yourself. I am really someone who doesn't care much about appearance and I know there are many people out there too.

On a personal note I do see in life that even the most supposedly objectively unattractive people end up in good relationships and live good lives. Just got to find the person who sees you for who you are. That's always the best way regardless of whether you are pretty or not.

 

[romeinjuly]

Damn... I'm not even a girl, but I literally wanted to cry while reading this, because I can relate to this so much. People really don't understand how fucking hard life is when you are ugly, all they are saying is the same shit like "oh, your looks doesn't matter, it's your personality!". Shut the fuck up, there's literally a thing called lookism, which is a real thing and is approved by a lot of studies. People who are good looking literally have a higher chance of becoming more succesful in life, why the fuck do you think most millionaires are over 6 feet tall? How you look MATTERS A LOT and it can either make your life a lot better or fuck it up for good. I also hate how I look, I can't even look in the mirror because I'm just disgusted at myself, I hate when someone takes a picture of me because I look like a fucking retard in all of them. Nothing ever helped me become more confident or attractive, weightlifting, skincare, choosing right clothes or haircut. All of these just made me look like an ugly person trying to be attractive. I don't want to tell you the cliche shit about how you are finally gonna find someone that's gonna love you for who you are, despite your flaws, to be honest I don't believe it either. People were telling me this my entire life and it just pisses me off if anything. I just wish you that things are finally gonna work out and you'll finally find the happiness you need.

i'm sorry if it made you want to cry. sometimes talking about your feelings in an honest way can make others feel less weird and alone and like there's someone else who understands and that is why places like this website need to exist imo. however it does make me feel bad to know that by reading this i have changed your mood or thoughts for the worst as well.
i didn't mean to cause pain to anybody else by writing this. i was just venting and maybe what i needed was just to feel like i was being listened to and not judged, even for my darkest thoughts. we know that kind of understanding is hard to get from people in life who may love you but often just don't get you.
i didn't mean to upset anyone. i wish you happiness as well, from the bottom of my heart. and thank you!!!

 

[Codename_Joryu]

i'm sorry if it made you want to cry. sometimes talking about your feelings in an honest way can make others feel less weird and alone and like there's someone else who understands and that is why places like this website need to exist imo. however it does make me feel bad to know that by reading this i have changed your mood or thoughts for the worst as well.
i didn't mean to cause pain to anybody else by writing this. i was just venting and maybe what i needed was just to feel like i was being listened to and not judged, even for my darkest thoughts. we know that kind of understanding is hard to get from people in life who may love you but often just don't get you.
i didn't mean to upset anyone. i wish you happiness as well, from the bottom of my heart. and thank you!!!

No, it's okay. It actually makes me feel a lot better that I'm not alone in this, and there are people out there with similar problems. You don't need to feel bad at all.