i'm an ugly girl and it sucks knowing i will never be loved

[romeinjuly]

or at least... not in the way i would want to be loved. not in the way i love others.

no one will ever look at me and miss a heartbeat.
no one would realistically choose me if they had better options.
i will never be anyone's "crush".

just being alive is a humiliating ordeal at this point.
everywhere i go i am reminded of my lack of worth.

when i see pretty girls and i think about how even if i had the money to afford plastic surgery i wouldn't come close to them.
when i see someone i'm attracted to knowing i will never have a chance with them and they will probably end up with a better-looking girl.
when i get my picture taken and it ruins my day every time and without fail.
whenever i talk to someone and all i can concentrate on is how repulsive they find me and how they feel pity towards me or treat me like a joke.

when i can't enjoy what i like to do because i look ugly doing it. i look ugly while i sing with the faces i make, so i can't sing in front on anyone. i look ugly in all of my clothes, so no point spending money on them. make-up can't fix it. hair can't fix it. because i have a massive beak on my face and it's impossible to hide it.

when i flirt with people on dating apps and i have to ghost them after getting that initial serotonin boost because i know if they saw me irl they would be shocked and disgusted by how different i look.
when people compliment me and it feels like humiliation.

i will have no memories to look back on because i am a monster in every photo. every trip, life event, party, night-out is always ruined because of the reality of my appearence.

i will never have anyone brag about me or be proud of dating me. or chase me.
i often feared my ex was ashamed to have such an ugly girlfriend.
any kind of attention i get feels like a stab-wound because the only reason people even consider me is probably because they're desperate.

everyone i know - even the ones who have obvious flaws - is better-looking than me.
maybe they have weirdly-shaped teeth, but they have decent breasts and ass.
maybe they're kinda chubby but with a nice face.

my body looks pre-pubescent. i have no curves. my face is hideous. my nose is monstrous. i feel like if i stare at myself for a long enough time my features start to melt like candle wax and look even more bloated and deformed. i don't even think i look human.

the reality is that when you're a woman looks are the only thing that matters. i know i have a decent personality and i'm pretty intelligent (with an higher than average IQ even) and funny. i have been told so by pretty much everyone who has ever known me. i make friends super easily.
i have passions and hobbies. i am well-read. i believe i am honest, kind, interesting even. and very loyal.
and i am in decent shape. i am currently the ideal weight for my height.
so don't give me the "improve yourself" talk.
let me tell you NO ONE CARES.
beauty is like the price of admission. everything else is just a bonus. but without being hot and fuckable, nobody gives a fuck and nobody will ever see you as anything more than a friend or someone to exploit.

it sucks knowing i will never get to enjoy or know what it's like to be young and pretty. to have people want me.
i'm tired of suffering. nobody wants me here and i have no reason to fight.

the only reason i don't kill myself is because i'm afraid of the pain.

i know a bridge in my town some people have jumped off of and died. i have searched up the news articles to try and see if they died on impact.
they also added a high-speed train now that passes by the station. but i do think that's too brutal of a way to go.
i have tried to buy helium kits and sodium nitrite before. maybe i should try looking them up again. and if you have any information on vendors that ship to europe please let me know.
please help me find a way to die without pain if you can

 

[AInilam]

Jesus, I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I don't think a lot of people understand how women like us have it. We're looked down upon and rejected by almost everyone while feeling this intensive need to love and belong as much as we possibly can. Even to people in our own shoes we're the butt of the joke or treated less than human, our opinions don't seem to matter as much even if we're accepting of others regardless of their looks or shortcomings. It hurts. Never mind the constant body dysmorphia, bodily pains and self-loathing.

I don't feel like society owes me anything for my shortcomings because even I get starstruck by people who're more attractive than me, but I know it's a major cause for why I want to ctb. I know a lot of people who're considered below average find love--real life isn't like the internet, most people are pretty average on principle but it's the pretty ones, the ones who lucked out in the genetic lottery--the ones who can recreate themselves with just a little makeup and hair, that can pull off any outfit, that make me realize the night and day difference. It's hard not to compare yourself to these people--especially when they're plastered everywhere on social media.

But trust me--that's the only place that a lot of these people can exist because a lot of their looks just comes down to photoshop, cosmetic surgery, fillers and filters. But I get what you mean, even irl there's people who look naturally beautiful/pretty and it's obvious that they're more comfortable in their skin. it's hard not to be envious when you have to work twice as hard to get to that point. Especially when you're already battling things like past trauma, loneliness and depression.

 

[Groundhog_Day]

Sorry you've had to go through this. I'm ugly and deformed (Marfan syndrome) and have avpd, so can kind of relate.

The hard thing is we are wired to be happy from relationships and socialising. Having these issues, makes those things almost impossible.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It's a very understandable degree of self-esteem that you should not feel ashamed or disoriented to be suffering from. It's a bioloogical emotion driven by the primitive human mission to find the most mates to reproduce with. I imagine it's 100 times harder for a female to experience. I have seen plenty of wildly attractive women with the ugliest of men, but rarely see attractive men with absolutely non-attractive women. The physical appearance lottery is probably one of the cruelest things about life.

 

[dumblosergirl]

I feel ugly too a lot of the times. I hate staring at myself in the mirror. Even just a quick glance, I wince. I feel like compliments aren't really being honest and they are only saying so to be nice. I work as a barista and my coworkers are always getting hit on and complimented and I never even get simple eye contact. I don't like the idea of dating apps but if I ever reach a point where I will want to try one I probably won't because I feel too ugly to post pics. Women deal with feeling unwanted and unloved by the opposite gender just as much.

 

[Orbitc]

or at least... not in the way i would want to be loved. not in the way i love others.

no one will ever look at me and miss a heartbeat.
no one would realistically choose me if they had better options.
i will never be anyone's "crush".

just being alive is a humiliating ordeal at this point.
everywhere i go i am reminded of my lack of worth.

when i see pretty girls and i think about how even if i had the money to afford plastic surgery i wouldn't come close to them.
when i see someone i'm attracted to knowing i will never have a chance with them and they will probably end up with a better-looking girl.
when i get my picture taken and it ruins my day every time and without fail.
whenever i talk to someone and all i can concentrate on is how repulsive they find me and how they feel pity towards me or treat me like a joke.

when i can't enjoy what i like to do because i look ugly doing it. i look ugly while i sing with the faces i make, so i can't sing in front on anyone. i look ugly in all of my clothes, so no point spending money on them. make-up can't fix it. hair can't fix it. because i have a massive beak on my face and it's impossible to hide it.

when i flirt with people on dating apps and i have to ghost them after getting that initial serotonin boost because i know if they saw me irl they would be shocked and disgusted by how different i look.
when people compliment me and it feels like humiliation.

i will have no memories to look back on because i am a monster in every photo. every trip, life event, party, night-out is always ruined because of the reality of my appearence.

i will never have anyone brag about me or be proud of dating me. or chase me.
i often feared my ex was ashamed to have such an ugly girlfriend.
any kind of attention i get feels like a stab-wound because the only reason people even consider me is probably because they're desperate.

everyone i know - even the ones who have obvious flaws - is better-looking than me.
maybe they have weirdly-shaped teeth, but they have decent breasts and ass.
maybe they're kinda chubby but with a nice face.

my body looks pre-pubescent. i have no curves. my face is hideous. my nose is monstrous. i feel like if i stare at myself for a long enough time my features start to melt like candle wax and look even more bloated and deformed. i don't even think i look human.

the reality is that when you're a woman looks are the only thing that matters. i know i have a decent personality and i'm pretty intelligent (with an higher than average IQ even) and funny. i have been told so by pretty much everyone who has ever known me. i make friends super easily.
i have passions and hobbies. i am well-read. i believe i am honest, kind, interesting even. and very loyal.
and i am in decent shape. i am currently the ideal weight for my height.
so don't give me the "improve yourself" talk.
let me tell you NO ONE CARES.
beauty is like the price of admission. everything else is just a bonus. but without being hot and fuckable, nobody gives a fuck and nobody will ever see you as anything more than a friend or someone to exploit.

it sucks knowing i will never get to enjoy or know what it's like to be young and pretty. to have people want me.
i'm tired of suffering. nobody wants me here and i have no reason to fight.

the only reason i don't kill myself is because i'm afraid of the pain.

i know a bridge in my town some people have jumped off of and died. i have searched up the news articles to try and see if they died on impact.
they also added a high-speed train now that passes by the station. but i do think that's too brutal of a way to go.
i have tried to buy helium kits and sodium nitrite before. maybe i should try looking them up again. and if you have any information on vendors that ship to europe please let me know.
please help me find a way to die without pain if you can

I'm pretty - I work as an individual escort and I get paid per hour as much as most people earn per month, but I'm also lonely because I know that men want to be around only because they want to fuck me - believe me, these are no less bad feelings. I think that you shouldn't suffer so much from loneliness - I don't think you'll like being in my shoes...

 

[tabletop]

I'm pretty - I work as an individual escort and I get paid per hour as much as most people earn per month, but I'm also lonely because I know that men want to be around only because they want to fuck me - believe me, these are no less bad feelings. I think that you shouldn't suffer so much from loneliness - I don't think you'll like being in my shoes...

You earn $2000-$6000 per hour?

 

[until death]

I'll never be loved either

 

[tabletop]

The only gauranteed painless methods I can think of are brutal to think of. Yet they are painless so probably the best choice really. Large gauge shotgun buckshot blast in your mouth at a 45 degree upwards angle as to aim at the brain stem. Long drop hanging. This causes death not by suffocation, but by breaking your neck. Death is instant and painless. Decapation, build a guillotine, lay neck on train tracks.
Why are looks so much more important to women than men? Is a question I've always wondered. Cause as a man I can tell you most of us genuinely don't care that much about your looks. We even have a saying. Women wear make up for other women cause us men don't care. You're ideal weight for your height? You sound pretty hot honestly. Nice thing about women is so long as they aren't fat they're usually hot. Not all men like big tits and ass. I personally think big asses are frucking gross. You're well read and have good personality? Both extremely hard to find. Especially the well read part! Most people are stupid. You sound like a really good catch actually. The only complaint I've seen you make really is lack of curves/pre-puscent looks. While that is a matter of perception and opinion. Young looking women are considered very desireable!
Could this be body dysphmoria? Have you spoke with a therapist about body dysphmoria?

 

[KafkaF]

Honestly, this is probably going to come across as rather bad or rude or whatever but I think there's a slight chance that it might make you feel the tiniest better so I'm gonna say it anyway.

I've had 4 girlfriends before. And my first girlfriend I found unattractive on a physical level. And yet until my previous girlfriend, she was the girl I'd loved most in my entire life. In fact, it has been over 12 years since we were together and I still think about her sometimes. I still care about her too. And it took me many, many years to even somewhat get over her because I loved her that deeply. When I looked at her my heart absolutely did skip a beat.

So, yeah, I don't know what you look like, obviously. I can't tell whether you're actually unattractive or not, so please don't think this as calling you ugly. But what I will say is that just because you're physically unattractive doesn't mean that no one can ever love you.

Don't get me wrong, it's much harder to find someone. But someone can still love you deeply. In fact so deeply that they'll still be thinking about you 12 years after you broke up.

Also, just as a sidenote, I never broke up with her. She broke up with me. Our relationship was intense and we loved each other. But we both had mental health issues and they ended up causing us to break up. That being said, nowadays I think we would've both been mature enough to handle all of that.

Also, to be clear, I also never dated her because I was desperate. She chased me. And she made me feel so wanted, and loved. And she was smart and fun to be around. And so persistent and emotional and dedicated and she wrote such beautiful poetry. And so I fell in love with her. And the lack of physical attraction is just something I got over.

 

[AInilam]

The only gauranteed painless methods I can think of are brutal to think of. Yet they are painless so probably the best choice really. Large gauge shotgun buckshot blast in your mouth at a 45 degree upwards angle as to aim at the brain stem. Long drop hanging. This causes death not by suffocation, but by breaking your neck. Death is instant and painless. Decapation, build a guillotine, lay neck on train tracks.
Why are looks so much more important to women than men? Is a question I've always wondered. Cause as a man I can tell you most of us genuinely don't care that much about your looks. We even have a saying. Women wear make up for other women cause us men don't care. You're ideal weight for your height? You sound pretty hot honestly. Nice thing about women is so long as they aren't fat they're usually hot. Not all men like big tits and ass. I personally think big asses are frucking gross. You're well read and have good personality? Both extremely hard to find. Especially the well read part! Most people are stupid. You sound like a really good catch actually. The only complaint I've seen you make really is lack of curves/pre-puscent looks. While that is a matter of perception and opinion. Young looking women are considered very desireable!
Could this be body dysphmoria? Have you spoke with a therapist about body dysphmoria?

You had us in the first half of that second paragraph ngl. The post after yours isn't any better either.

Actually.. just going by some of these relies, I don't think we're really missing out on much OP.

 

[Reuthry]

I feel the same way. I have gender dysphoria and would transition (ftm) but I am 5'0", there is no way that I might look manly and attractive to woman, I won't have functional genitals, I would be still feminine and after all I am not good looking either. Not only won't be loved, I would be totally rejected from society (if I wouldn't be mistaken as a 12 year old boy). I won't transition but it won't work for me, and I feel trapped in someone else's body somehow. I hope I don't change my mind because of SI so I can die before my birthday on 2024 (before March preferably).

 

[cosmic_traveler]

I feel the same way. I have gender dysphoria and would transition (ftm) but I am 5'0", there is no way that I might look manly and attractive to woman, I won't have functional genitals, I would be still feminine and after all I am not good looking either. Not only won't be loved, I would be totally rejected from society (if I wouldn't be mistaken as a 12 year old boy). I won't transition but it won't work for me, and I feel trapped in someone else's body somehow. I hope I don't change my mind because of SI so I can die before my birthday on 2024 (before March preferably).

We also suffer with gender dysphoria, we're 38 now and feel it's way too late to try transitioning. I'm a decent looking dude, but we'd be a butt ugly broad.

 

[tabletop]

You had us in the first half of that second paragraph ngl. The post after yours isn't any better either.

Actually.. just going by some of these relies, I don't think we're really missing out on much OP.

It's very well known that placing so much of your self worth and value based on your own appearance is very unhealthy. Whether that appearance is perceived to be good or bad it's very mentally damaging to ones self to place so much self value on their looks. I offered one of many perspectives. My perspective is valid and real. Doesn't mean it works for everyone. What's really important here is if OP does continue to live then it's best to learn some way to stop placing so much of her self worth on her looks.
I would agree y'all aren't missing out on much. I am single by choice. I used to think no one wanted me until I learned I actually reject a lot of women. I still do it today cause most people are pretty stupid and rude and toxic to others. I really wish I could just find a plain appearing women who doesn't draw a lot of attention and truly treats the relationship as equals. That is all it takes. There's an incredible number of humans out there who aren't concerned with your looks. If only you could accept your looks than you could accept love from one of these magnificent humans. I know it's easier said than done. It can take years of personal self brain programing. Catching yourself telling yourself lies such as "Looks are super important!" and then correcting yourself and saying "No, that's a lie. While appearances may have some value it's only a small amount. There is so much more to me that makes up my self worth." This may sound silly. But telling yourself this once will not help. Our brains work on repetition, not facts. So you have to catch yourself in the lie and correct it, over and over. And eventually your brain does catch on. It's why repetition is used in schooling. It's why verbal abuse is damaging cause it's repeated over time. And it is what sadly causes some of the most beautiful women out there to be convinced they are somehow ugly when they aren't. Abusive partners. Sadly the most beautiful attractive woman I've ever been with also thought she was the ugliest. Because of repetition.

We're looked down upon and rejected by almost everyone while feeling this intensive need to love and belong as much as we possibly can. Even to people in our own shoes we're the butt of the joke or treated less than human, our opinions don't seem to matter as much even if we're accepting of others regardless of their looks or shortcomings. It hurts. Never mind the constant body dysmorphia, bodily pains and self-loathing.

I don't feel like society owes me anything for my shortcomings because even I get starstruck by people who're more attractive than me, but I know it's a major cause for why I want to ctb. I know a lot of people who're considered below average find love--real life isn't like the internet, most people are pretty average on principle but it's the pretty ones, the ones who lucked out in the genetic lottery--the ones who can recreate themselves with just a little makeup and hair, that can pull off any outfit, that make me realize the night and day difference. It's hard not to compare yourself to these people--especially when they're plastered everywhere on social media.

But trust me--that's the only place that a lot of these people can exist because a lot of their looks just comes down to photoshop, cosmetic surgery, fillers and filters. But I get what you mean, even irl there's people who look naturally beautiful/pretty and it's obvious that they're more comfortable in their skin. it's hard not to be envious when you have to work twice as hard to get to that point. Especially when you're already battling things like past trauma, loneliness and depression.

That comment there sounds very false, toxic, and damaging to ones mental health. First of all.. I have seen the ugliest and fatest of women get relationships and marriages and children with ease. Please don't beat yourself up OP thinking it's appearances that hold you back. Many humans have demonstrated that it doesn't. Also this assumption that better looking people somehow have it better, easier....it's completely false. These are lies and it hurts you to believe them. These are a great example though thank you. There's all kinds of lies you can tell yourself and many ways to word it and these are the lies that one would need to correct in their own mine. It takes time and it's not easy.

 

[AInilam]

It's very well known that placing so much of your self worth and value based on your own appearance is very unhealthy. Whether that appearance is perceived to be good or bad it's very mentally damaging to ones self to place so much self value on their looks. I offered one of many perspectives. My perspective is valid and real. Doesn't mean it works for everyone. What's really important here is if OP does continue to live then it's best to learn some way to stop placing so much of her self worth on her looks.
I would agree y'all aren't missing out on much. I am single by choice. I used to think no one wanted me until I learned I actually reject a lot of women. I still do it today cause most people are pretty stupid and rude and toxic to others. I really wish I could just find a plain appearing women who doesn't draw a lot of attention and truly treats the relationship as equals. That is all it takes. There's an incredible number of humans out there who aren't concerned with your looks. If only you could accept your looks than you could accept love from one of these magnificent humans. I know it's easier said than done. It can take years of personal self brain programing. Catching yourself telling yourself lies such as "Looks are super important!" and then correcting yourself and saying "No, that's a lie. While appearances may have some value it's only a small amount. There is so much more to me that makes up my self worth." This may sound silly. But telling yourself this once will not help. Our brains work on repetition, not facts. So you have to catch yourself in the lie and correct it, over and over. And eventually your brain does catch on. It's why repetition is used in schooling. It's why verbal abuse is damaging cause it's repeated over time. And it is what sadly causes some of the most beautiful women out there to be convinced they are somehow ugly when they aren't. Abusive partners. Sadly the most beautiful attractive woman I've ever been with also thought she was the ugliest. Because of repetition.


That comment there sounds very false, toxic, and damaging to ones mental health. First of all.. I have seen the ugliest and fatest of women get relationships and marriages and children with ease. Please don't beat yourself up OP thinking it's appearances that hold you back. Many humans have demonstrated that it doesn't. Also this assumption that better looking people somehow have it better, easier....it's completely false. These are lies and it hurts you to believe them. These are a great example though thank you. There's all kinds of lies you can tell yourself and many ways to word it and these are the lies that one would need to correct in their own mine. It takes time and it's not easy.

I was speaking from experience.

 

[Abyssal]

Came just to read the replies lol

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

I used to be ugly and then I got a nose job. Problem solved. Look at south Koreans I still managed to fck up my life because of my autism but that's a different story...

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I've felt ugly throughout most of my life. I don't like the way my body looks, especially my breasts and bum. I don't like my face, either. I don't even look good in most clothes. Sometimes my feelings of ugliness and lack of desirability causes me to feel the urge to stab myself over and over again and cry.

It's gotten to the point where I've tried seeking out that validation via sending explicit photos to older men but I still feel ugly.

Even when one of them got me to do things, like go into this weird sex zoom call type thing and I had a bunch of guys whose eyes were on me and who kept messaging me, I felt ugly. Even when he got me to do this weird sex roulette/omegle type thing (I don't remember what the sites name is) and I had to watch people get off to my body, I still felt ugly.

I got catcalled for the first time this year and for a short time it made me feel somewhat okay looking before I went back to feeling like shit again about my appearance again.

I've only been hit on twice throughout my entire life, one of which was when I was 10 and the other being when I was 15, but that time I think they were just doing it to make uncomfortable so that i would leave the room and they could the TV all to them self (I was in an inpatient psych program at the time).

As of now, I regularly text this older dude on a near daily basis. He always showers me in compliments (some of which are kind of uncomfortable tbh) but I still feel ugly.


I understand that you want to be that girl that "people look at and they their heart skips a beat", but even if you were that girl you would probably end of up feeling the same way you do now. How you feel about your appearance is, to some degree, an internal issue, rather than it just being external. I mean, you had a partner in the past who, for all we know, likely found you attractive, yet you still feel ugly. You've had others give you attention before but you assume that they're only going after out of desperation. At least based off of your post, you likely aren't ugly. Your issues with your appearance seem to be more internal than external. At least that's what I've gathered. Also, please don't take this as me trying to invalidiate your feelings, because I'm not. I'm sorry if it comes off that way...

 

[rosenrot]

Felt this. Ive had acne for 6 years, under eye bags, too skinny. I haven't felt satisfied with my looks in years I just try and make do.

 

[tabletop]

I was speaking from experience.

There are many reasons one may not have love relationships that have nothing to do with looks. I'm not saying you've had the best experiences or you can get a relationship is easy. But I am saying it can be done without looks. Many people will love you still. Assuming better looking people have it easier is also false. If anything it's even more difficult for them cause they attract a lot more shallow people. I'm not trying to say you're wrong, bad, dumb, or anything like that. But I am saying that if you consider your self worth based on your looks then you will have a bad time.

 

[ropearoundatree]

I'm really sorry for all of you in this situation. I would hope for a turn of fortune, or favor for all of you. For this sounds so heartbreaking to me. And I only wish that things didn't have to be like this. Best wishes to you all!

 

[the old man]

What stood out for me in your post was a lack of self confidence not ugliness, nobody can call themselves ugly because they cannot and never will view themselves through the eyes of another person, we all have different tastes that vary as much as salt and sugar..and everything in-between..you mentioned your ex, was he initially attracted to your lavish lifestyle, hi end fashion and exotic cars, I very much doubt it , the answer is he found you attractive as others will.

 

[ElectronicPoet]

or at least... not in the way i would want to be loved. not in the way i love others.

no one will ever look at me and miss a heartbeat.
no one would realistically choose me if they had better options.
i will never be anyone's "crush".

just being alive is a humiliating ordeal at this point.
everywhere i go i am reminded of my lack of worth.

when i see pretty girls and i think about how even if i had the money to afford plastic surgery i wouldn't come close to them.
when i see someone i'm attracted to knowing i will never have a chance with them and they will probably end up with a better-looking girl.
when i get my picture taken and it ruins my day every time and without fail.
whenever i talk to someone and all i can concentrate on is how repulsive they find me and how they feel pity towards me or treat me like a joke.

when i can't enjoy what i like to do because i look ugly doing it. i look ugly while i sing with the faces i make, so i can't sing in front on anyone. i look ugly in all of my clothes, so no point spending money on them. make-up can't fix it. hair can't fix it. because i have a massive beak on my face and it's impossible to hide it.

when i flirt with people on dating apps and i have to ghost them after getting that initial serotonin boost because i know if they saw me irl they would be shocked and disgusted by how different i look.
when people compliment me and it feels like humiliation.

i will have no memories to look back on because i am a monster in every photo. every trip, life event, party, night-out is always ruined because of the reality of my appearence.

i will never have anyone brag about me or be proud of dating me. or chase me.
i often feared my ex was ashamed to have such an ugly girlfriend.
any kind of attention i get feels like a stab-wound because the only reason people even consider me is probably because they're desperate.

everyone i know - even the ones who have obvious flaws - is better-looking than me.
maybe they have weirdly-shaped teeth, but they have decent breasts and ass.
maybe they're kinda chubby but with a nice face.

my body looks pre-pubescent. i have no curves. my face is hideous. my nose is monstrous. i feel like if i stare at myself for a long enough time my features start to melt like candle wax and look even more bloated and deformed. i don't even think i look human.

the reality is that when you're a woman looks are the only thing that matters. i know i have a decent personality and i'm pretty intelligent (with an higher than average IQ even) and funny. i have been told so by pretty much everyone who has ever known me. i make friends super easily.
i have passions and hobbies. i am well-read. i believe i am honest, kind, interesting even. and very loyal.
and i am in decent shape. i am currently the ideal weight for my height.
so don't give me the "improve yourself" talk.
let me tell you NO ONE CARES.
beauty is like the price of admission. everything else is just a bonus. but without being hot and fuckable, nobody gives a fuck and nobody will ever see you as anything more than a friend or someone to exploit.

it sucks knowing i will never get to enjoy or know what it's like to be young and pretty. to have people want me.
i'm tired of suffering. nobody wants me here and i have no reason to fight.

the only reason i don't kill myself is because i'm afraid of the pain.

i know a bridge in my town some people have jumped off of and died. i have searched up the news articles to try and see if they died on impact.
they also added a high-speed train now that passes by the station. but i do think that's too brutal of a way to go.
i have tried to buy helium kits and sodium nitrite before. maybe i should try looking them up again. and if you have any information on vendors that ship to europe please let me know.
please help me find a way to die without pain if you can

I understand every word... Especially knowing you'll never be loved the way you love. That shit hurts to read. I've written it many times and it's actually a little comforting to know someone else gets it. The humiliation you feel when being complimented because it just feels forced, I get it completely. You can only be told so many times "you look like you give great hugs" before it starts really fucking hurting to hear, even with good intentions. Beauty absolutley is the price of admission. I hate being told that beauty isn't everything because it absolutely is. I will never be taken seriously in this world looking the way I do and there is so little I can do about it. My looks are genuinely one of the biggest reasons I want to die. I get what you're saying in it's entirety and I'm glad you shared this. Not being conventionally attractive is an exhausting experience and I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I hope in life or death you're able to find even a shred of peace, dear, but I feel it's impossible without choosing the latter.

 

[worstgirl7716]

I know exactly how you feel and it's hard to put into words in a way normal attractive people would understand. For me, add atop that being neurodivergent and queer and practically everyone hates you by default. It just makes me so sad and I hope you'll be able to find confidence even though I know it's so hard. I'm sorry.

 

[Nori]

I think there is someone out there for everyone if we actually stick around. I'm sorry you feel that way. I believe that someone would find you and you'd find them. I hope regardless of what you choose that you get what you want.

 

[romeinjuly]

I used to be ugly and then I got a nose job. Problem solved. Look at south Koreans I still managed to fck up my life because of my autism but that's a different story...

i wish i could afford one but they are extremely expensive here. as a student there's just no way i could save up that much.

I've felt ugly throughout most of my life. I don't like the way my body looks, especially my breasts and bum. I don't like my face, either. I don't even look good in most clothes. Sometimes my feelings of ugliness and lack of desirability causes me to feel the urge to stab myself over and over again and cry.

It's gotten to the point where I've tried seeking out that validation via sending explicit photos to older men but I still feel ugly.

Even when one of them got me to do things, like go into this weird sex zoom call type thing and I had a bunch of guys whose eyes were on me and who kept messaging me, I felt ugly. Even when he got me to do this weird sex roulette/omegle type thing (I don't remember what the sites name is) and I had to watch people get off to my body, I still felt ugly.

I got catcalled for the first time this year and for a short time it made me feel somewhat okay looking before I went back to feeling like shit again about my appearance again.

I've only been hit on twice throughout my entire life, one of which was when I was 10 and the other being when I was 15, but that time I think they were just doing it to make uncomfortable so that i would leave the room and they could the TV all to them self (I was in an inpatient psych program at the time).

As of now, I regularly text this older dude on a near daily basis. He always showers me in compliments (some of which are kind of uncomfortable tbh) but I still feel ugly.


I understand that you want to be that girl that "people look at and they their heart skips a beat", but even if you were that girl you would probably end of up feeling the same way you do now. How you feel about your appearance is, to some degree, an internal issue, rather than it just being external. I mean, you had a partner in the past who, for all we know, likely found you attractive, yet you still feel ugly. You've had others give you attention before but you assume that they're only going after out of desperation. At least based off of your post, you likely aren't ugly. Your issues with your appearance seem to be more internal than external. At least that's what I've gathered. Also, please don't take this as me trying to invalidiate your feelings, because I'm not. I'm sorry if it comes off that way...

i'm really sorry. it sucks that those people took advantage of you. thank you for listening to me and for sharing something so personal. for what it's worth, i wish you well. :')

I understand every word... Especially knowing you'll never be loved the way you love. That shit hurts to read. I've written it many times and it's actually a little comforting to know someone else gets it. The humiliation you feel when being complimented because it just feels forced, I get it completely. You can only be told so many times "you look like you give great hugs" before it starts really fucking hurting to hear, even with good intentions. Beauty absolutley is the price of admission. I hate being told that beauty isn't everything because it absolutely is. I will never be taken seriously in this world looking the way I do and there is so little I can do about it. My looks are genuinely one of the biggest reasons I want to die. I get what you're saying in it's entirety and I'm glad you shared this. Not being conventionally attractive is an exhausting experience and I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I hope in life or death you're able to find even a shred of peace, dear, but I feel it's impossible without choosing the latter.

thank you. i'm glad someone can understand. you are absolutely not alone in the way you feel and i wish you peace, too.

 

[DinoDaAltaTCPCacaRt]

Im a man and I feel the same as you. I dont feel that ugly tho, I just feel unloved
Im afraid of the pain too.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

i'm really sorry. it sucks that those people took advantage of you. thank you for listening to me and for sharing something so personal. for what it's worth, i wish you well. :')

It's fine. I don't really feel as though I was taken advantage of. I just happen to not have a great backbone and I kept on enabling it to happen. Most of them were actually very nice.

 

[vitbar]

For what it's worth I've had crushes on people who people call ugly. It's weird when I can see why, but also can't see them as anything but lovely.

 

[BornByGhosts]

Preach. People suck and prioritize looks way too much.