I'm an idiot

[kpb10]

I'm just an fucking idiot, that's the only reason I want to die. I'm soo fucking incompetent I believe little kid knows how to do stuff better then me. Customers make fun of me at work because everyone knows about my failure at current job, and it's not even that fucking hard, I work at a simple store as a retail worker. Don't have to mention I have no friends either, everyone I know drifted apart because people realised how depressed and boring I am. I catch myself sometimes how I don't think about anything, there is literally no coherent though inside my brain, poor thing rotted after all these years of Groundhog day. It's all the same, go to work, make fool out of myself, come home to eat and watch youtube and go to sleep. Can't even talk normally with others as I have nothing to talk about. Jesus christ, at least I used to be smart and stuff before, now I'm just dumb as fuck. Only job that occurs to me that I could at least do alright is some night security guard, and that makes me even more depressed. And after all that failure, I still can't make myself do it. It's like I know there is no chance I'll lead some moderately normal life, but I still have no balls to end it. I hate myself.

 

[Kit1]

I have read your message more than once - it is heartbreaking how harsh you are being towards yourselves, how cruel and cold hearted you are being to yourself. For a moment, please leave the rest of the world aside (please try and work with me on this) - you are a human being who is worthy of being loved and you have every right to be happy. Please don't run yourself to the ground. You have a job (and hell, retail can be extremely challenging and everyone including colleagues, management and customers find retail staff easy to have a pop at and vent their frustrations and anger, feed their egos etc.

What you have described about your experiences - so many people feel this and share this (look a some of the other chats) - due to various challenges we have that might be linked to childhood trauma, poor mental health, neurodivergence etc. It is trying to find coping systems, reach out for support, perhaps looking at connecting with people and looking at hobbies - it will be hard graft and many returns to moments of pain, but perhaps believing that it will work and giving it a go.

I might be unfair with what I am saying here - but all I feel is that you have every right to be happy, accepted and loved. Please reach out to people you might feel safe with and take care. Best wishes.