Venting I’m an idiot (update on the situation with my ex-girlfriend)

[ThatStateOfMind]

You could REMIND her that she PINKY swore with you as well.
I still stand by my statement that you should RUN !!!
I think you need some distance to clear your mind. She is keeping you as a backup plan in case it doesn't work out with the other guy.
I don't know if you know any of her previous relationship history but it may give you some answers.
She doesn't want to be labeled as a cheater.... Sounds like that hit a nerve.

I did, she said she forgot we pinky swore. I asked her why she cheated and she said she doesn't know why she did it. I'm getting closer to just dipping. It did kind of hit a nerve, I just feel like I don't know if I'll ever find love again, nor do I know if I even want to. It hurts bad.

I do know her previous relationship history and I'm the first one she's ever cheated on…

Keep some kind of road forward in mind, if you can. I think you are seeking a positive resolution - one in particular for now. But there are others. I desire love as well and don't expect I'll find it ever. I want to die but also want to make something good.

I try man, but it's hard. I do want a positive resolution. Life was so much better before this happened. I get what you mean, about wanting to die and stuff. I do as well, but it feels wasteful of my life, maybe I can make something of myself but do I want to stick around and try, possibly fail? Making all of my extra suffering for nothing? My mom is the only reason I'm still here, honestly.

 

[SexyIncél]

There isn't enough info here to understand the cheating's severity. So much depends on the meaning of this: "I treated her like shit and she was vulnerable". An implicit promise is to not treat your companion like shit. Tragically, breaking that promise erodes other promises. Like taking a blowtorch to your face, it can leave permanent scars. There's kinder methods to push others way

And she claims it happened only in the last week of the relationship, and only over text. I'm not 100% sure what's in those texts, but maybe it's rude to ask

Personally, I believe one must preempt or quickly fix all serious mistakes. Some are unfixable, and can doom a monogamous relationship in 5 seconds. Also, "better communication" sounds too vague to be meaningful. Unless one or both really can't communicate properly. I can easily think of 3 very different things it could mean

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

There isn't enough info here to understand the cheating's severity. So much depends on the meaning of this: "I treated her like shit and she was vulnerable". An implicit promise is to not treat your companion like shit. Tragically, breaking that promise erodes other promises. Like taking a blowtorch to your face, it can leave permanent scars. There's kinder methods to push others way

And she claims it happened only in the last week of the relationship, and only over text. I'm not 100% sure what's in those texts, but maybe it's rude to ask

Personally, I believe one must preempt or quickly fix all serious mistakes. Some are unfixable, and can doom a monogamous relationship in 5 seconds. Also, "better communication" sounds too vague to be meaningful. Unless one or both really can't communicate properly. I can easily think of 3 very different things it could mean

It wasn't major cheating at all, but it still stings. They were only flirting over text for like 3 days and then she broke up. It's why it wasn't enough for me to out her or cut her off completely yet. And yeah, we argued a lot is what I mean by treating like shit. I would pick arguments over small things. I didn't abuse her or anything, but I would argue over the smallest things, and to me, that's treating her like shit.

I did ask and she didn't want to read them to me, but she told me that it was mild flirting. It was flirting and they were both doing it. It wasn't overly sexual or anything according to her.

So explaining the communication part is a tad bit difficult, I would have to conversate with her to pin down what is the root of our issue. We didn't communicate when we were having problems, we didn't communicate when we were uncomfortable, stuff like that. We didn't really talk about our issues and get to the root of the problem in an attempt to solve it.

Sorry if that's all still too vague, that's the best I can explain.

Im doing much better right now than I was earlier, was kinda having a bit of a crisis earlier (I think that's a good word for it) but I've calmed down more now.

 

[local_believer]

Hey man I'm happy to hear that you're doing better now, it seemed like you were really hit rough by this whole situation. Although I think that it would be amazing if you guys could get back together and rebuild the bridge you guys had, I don't know if it is super likely. However, having some hope doesn't hurt and can help you keep going throughout your day.

However you have learned some valuable lessons out of this whole thing. You've identified some areas you can improve upon in order to be a better partner, which really helps. Going through self-growth is one of the cornerstones of life, and so I hope you can come to use this experience in a positive manner.

Just know that if you need someone to talk to, I'm here to help if you want someone. I'm wishing you the best of luck man, and that you find happiness in whatever path of life you follow.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Hey man I'm happy to hear that you're doing better now, it seemed like you were really hit rough by this whole situation. Although I think that it would be amazing if you guys could get back together and rebuild the bridge you guys had, I don't know if it is super likely. However, having some hope doesn't hurt and can help you keep going throughout your day.

However you have learned some valuable lessons out of this whole thing. You've identified some areas you can improve upon in order to be a better partner, which really helps. Going through self-growth is one of the cornerstones of life, and so I hope you can come to use this experience in a positive manner.

Just know that if you need someone to talk to, I'm here to help if you want someone. I'm wishing you the best of luck man, and that you find happiness in whatever path of life you follow.

Yeah I'm unsure of how much hope I should really keep, it hurts and helps but I imagine this pain will help later in life if I can push through. I can say, at least they didn't fuck or anything or even anything more than text when we were together, it could've been much worse, I suppose.

I have definitely learned where I can improve as a partner, self improvement as well. It's been a painful ordeal, but at least it will hopefully help later, whether me and her get back together or not.

And I might take you up on that offer, thanks! I hope stuff looks up and works out for me. I wish you good luck as well, friend! Trying to see the positives in this is very difficult but when I can, I try to.

 

[local_believer]

Yeah I'm unsure of how much hope I should really keep, it hurts and helps but I imagine this pain will help later in life if I can push through. I can say, at least they didn't fuck or anything or even anything more than text when we were together, it could've been much worse, I suppose.

I have definitely learned where I can improve as a partner, self improvement as well. It's been a painful ordeal, but at least it will hopefully help later, whether me and her get back together or not.

And I might take you up on that offer, thanks! I hope stuff looks up and works out for me. I wish you good luck as well, friend! Trying to see the positives in this is very difficult but when I can, I try to.

Going through those dips in life are what helps build our character, and that character is what allows us to grow as individuals. From what I've read in your chats, you're clearly open to improving upon yourself and learning from the mistakes that you had made in your relationship with your ex. Good on you man.

Just message me whenever you need, and I'll respond when I can. Although seeing positives may be rough, just keep your chin up high, your eyes above the smog, and you'll be able to see the sunshine that sits above the darkness. The future is bright.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Going through those dips in life are what helps build our character, and that character is what allows us to grow as individuals. From what I've read in your chats, you're clearly open to improving upon yourself and learning from the mistakes that you had made in your relationship with your ex. Good on you man.

Just message me whenever you need, and I'll respond when I can. Although seeing positives may be rough, just keep your chin up high, your eyes above the smog, and you'll be able to see the sunshine that sits above the darkness. The future is bright.

Yeah, that is true. I'm very open to improve myself, I know I could have been a better boyfriend, and hopefully I won't make the same mistake twice.

I might, I don't message people much on here, generally just either open a thread or in this case, I'm sticking on this one so I don't open too many. And thank you for the kind words, I hope the future is bright for everyone here! You seem like a very positive, kind person, and I appreciate that!

 

[jamie_]

She's keeping you as a backup option to fall back on in case it doesn't work out with her new dude. She told you as much. At least she was honest enough to tell you the truth. But these feelings she supposedly has for you are just gaslighting BS to cover off any potential that she might go from two options to zero. She said she would rather see how it worked out with someone she said gets tired of most girls quickly. All this is about is boosting her ego and feeling worthy. And she wants a plan b so that it doesn't bite her in the ass and sees her end up alone and without self-confidence. If she loved you she wouldn't just leave simply so she could test out her own status, see where she ranks.

I also see a lot of manosphere bullshit in these replies essentially blaming you for being cheated on. She's a piece of shit, it's not your fault.