nolosis
blu4rrrr
- Sep 23, 2023
- 19
I am alone. It's not a secret or like it's something new, I've always been alone and kept to myself because of how socially awkward I am or how I don't have the interest a"normal" person would have. I've never trusted anyone or let people get close but during highschool I met these group of people that changed that for a little bit. I became close with them to the point where we were with eachother 24/7, they became my family I guess, especially bc I don't have a dad and my mother lives her own life with her husband and her kids. Before the year of 2022 ended my depression had gotten to the point to where I was of no use to anything or anyone, so I figured CTB would be the best option, especially since I didnt and proceed to not want to be here. I told everyone on how I was thinking and feeling and they told me I'd be ok, so I took it as confirmation of my thoughts so I went ahead and did it, my method was OD on codeine that I had from a concussion. I woke up in the hospital the next day and everyone was in there. Once I had gotten out of the hospital and the mental hospital I was met with my bags outside of the house I was staying at (I was living with my friend since I was with cps before hand and I would leave wherever I would be bc I didnt like the environment) I understand they're reason for kicking me out since I did attempt in their house. After that I lost my family. Every single person in that friend group left me or stopped talking to me all together. They kept me here just to leave me which is what I can't wrap around my head, what was the point? I've been having to learn how to be alone again since, but I can't find comfort in it anymore, everyday I wake up and wish I didn't and everytime I go to sleep I hope for not waking up. No friends, no family, nobody. I don't know what to do and I don't even have the motivation to CTB anymore, I feel dead already.
