I’m afraid of being like them

[CameronFrye]

Everyday I see my parents be absolutely miserable, hating eachother, their jobs, and their lives. They go to work, come home, watch tv, and repeat, with yelling, complaining, and judging others in between. They make good money, but only spend it on materialistic things which bring them temporary pleasure. They have a big house, but it's in a suburban town where nobody interacts with eachother and you have to drive to get anywhere. And when you do drive you'll just see copy and paste houses and retail stores and fast food restaurants. The rest of my small family is similar. They all hate eachother, their lives, and are miserable. I even have an Uncle who lives alone and doesn't interact with the outside world for very long periods of time.

I'm not mad at them, I don't hate them, I feel bad for them, and I'm afraid to end up like them. I'm absolutely terrified of getting older. I don't trust getting into a relationship if that's how it turns out. I worry that the teenage/college years were my last chance to enjoy life, and the rest is living like them until I get old. I need to find a way to do it differently, or ctb. I can't live that life, but I'm worried I don't have a choice.

 

[brnggundottxt]

I suppose you can look into alternative ways to exist.

Here people like to brag about their money when they're obviously running on a hamster wheel. Their lives having no real impact. Some of them are even proud of whatever shady dealings they participate in. They sacrifice everything for 10 year old used Toyotas, The wealthier crooks get a shitbox SUV from 2012 and they're hot shit around town.
The young only care about the next party, the old are still saving up to get their first home. This is some sad shit.

 

[All Done]

I'm in my 40s. I don't mean to be condescending, but American middle-class adulthood just be that way...for most. As you age, life steadily beats the crap out of you.

To fight that, you need to look into yourself. Ask yourself what you want your future to be. And if you come up with an answer, work toward it relentlessly. In my 20s, I wanted to be an artist. Today, I rarely draw and I just quit a job that was making me miserable. I live on an air mattress in my last living friend's mother's spare room. I'm one wrong move away from sleeping on the street. Maybe your parents had different hopes and dreams as kids, but now they're mired in a misery of responsibilities.

My point is, getting old sucks.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life is so depressing and I know that it is awful having dread for the future. I do not want to get older, I just want to be gone from this world. I am sorry that you are in this situation. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[OldDrummer]

I immediately thought of this song when I read your post...

 

[TheWood]

Unfortunately I understand your situation as I have a similar family background. Hatred, frustration, nastiness, envy, constant miserable thoughts about others could be a summary. The only way is to make a clean break. With this type of person you cannot think seriously. If you want to have a dignified life and not a constant circuit of hatred and frustration, make a life away from them, unless you choose to ctb. You know what's wrong, try not to replicate the same patterns

 

[Water-Lily]

Everyday I see my parents be absolutely miserable, hating eachother, their jobs, and their lives. They go to work, come home, watch tv, and repeat, with yelling, complaining, and judging others in between. They make good money, but only spend it on materialistic things which bring them temporary pleasure. They have a big house, but it's in a suburban town where nobody interacts with eachother and you have to drive to get anywhere. And when you do drive you'll just see copy and paste houses and retail stores and fast food restaurants. The rest of my small family is similar. They all hate eachother, their lives, and are miserable. I even have an Uncle who lives alone and doesn't interact with the outside world for very long periods of time.

I'm not mad at them, I don't hate them, I feel bad for them, and I'm afraid to end up like them. I'm absolutely terrified of getting older. I don't trust getting into a relationship if that's how it turns out. I worry that the teenage/college years were my last chance to enjoy life, and the rest is living like them until I get old. I need to find a way to do it differently, or ctb. I can't live that life, but I'm worried I don't have a choice.

My parents were like this, especially my mom. I think when we grow up around toxic/abusive people we naturally fear becoming like them.
It's normal to carry over some of their behaviors into our lives. If your environment was filled with abuse and pain, then your brain will absorb that like a sponge. And you may catch yourself saying or acting in ways that are similar to them. This doesn't mean you're "bad". Just means that it will take time to undo the trauma. Its possible, it'll just take effort. Heck, many people are in their own trauma/defense mode. We're all doing what we can

Just you being observant and self aware will lead you down a better path

 

[WhiteDespair]

you won't be your parents. you are you. I worried that I would grow up to be my mother. I realized that I wasn't like her on fundamental levels. being afraid of what you could become prevents you from being who you are.

 

[again_noidea]

Everyday I see my parents be absolutely miserable, hating eachother, their jobs, and their lives. They go to work, come home, watch tv, and repeat, with yelling, complaining, and judging others in between. They make good money, but only spend it on materialistic things which bring them temporary pleasure. They have a big house, but it's in a suburban town where nobody interacts with eachother and you have to drive to get anywhere. And when you do drive you'll just see copy and paste houses and retail stores and fast food restaurants. The rest of my small family is similar. They all hate eachother, their lives, and are miserable. I even have an Uncle who lives alone and doesn't interact with the outside world for very long periods of time.

I'm not mad at them, I don't hate them, I feel bad for them, and I'm afraid to end up like them. I'm absolutely terrified of getting older. I don't trust getting into a relationship if that's how it turns out. I worry that the teenage/college years were my last chance to enjoy life, and the rest is living like them until I get old. I need to find a way to do it differently, or ctb. I can't live that life, but I'm worried I don't have a choice.

i absolutely understand what you are talking about. The way people live their lives seems often horrible to me. Especially their meaninglessness. They live life without joy and without meaning, and their only way to cope with that is crude hedonism. This society will not persevere because it anti social, anti-spiritual, and it doesn't respect the laws of sustainable growth. It also has little to no respect for other forms of life. I found that good books really helped me to engage with the world differently. You can, for example, read: the essay called "the problem of evel" by rabindranath targo. or the book "aspiration" by Agnes Callard. Good luck