Venting I'm a psychopath.

[CandleShade]

I'm a psychopath.

I want and I want and I want, and I will get very upset if I don't get what I want, but I will not say what I want, and if they cannot figure out what I want, I will be upset.

And then when I finally get what I want, and after finally putting people through a relentless emotional rollercoaster, and they finally , finally, give into my wants . I get bored
I just get bored. I think..it's dull. I think..oh I'm not getting hurt anymore, and I'm not upset anymore, and I'm feeling content

And I feel bored. And then? I leave. I leave to start the cycle anew. To find someone else unwilling to give me what I want. And I MAKE them. And when they do, well. Then it's just boring..isn't it.

Sometimes I will actively seek out harmful people, and just kind of, prompt them. To harm me. Maybe?
Sometimes I just do things to see how hurt I can get, just reeeeaaaally push my limits
And then when it finally happens..oh. haha. When I finally send the text message that I know will get me murdered for, for the crime of being me, I know, that I will get hurt. But how hurt? I'm curious...
And then when it finally falls apart, because I always keep going "haha this is all going to fall apart" all the time..I feel some sense of smugness in being right. See? I am right. I'm right that no one gives a shit. I'm right that I'm a horrible human being.Heh, I'm right.

Oh and now what, now that I've proven myself?

I don't know, I'm not yet convinced.
Let's try that again.

 

[AstralMadness]

This might be psychopathic behavior but this alone doesn't make you a psychopath

 

[Terrible_Life]

I'd say your behavior has reasons and you should reflect your life and find the reasons. Maybe people treated you badly when you were child and vulnerable and then your brain saved a mind set that one needs to behave anti social and bully others to not end up being bullied. This happens to some people.

I can give you a good advice;

Treat people the way you want to be treated. If you're interacting with someone the way you described then ask yourself at that moment how you'd feel if someone else would do the same to you. Maybe then you'll see its not good and start to change it.

 

[CandleShade]

I'd say your behavior has reasons and you should reflect your life and find the reasons. Maybe people treated you badly when you were child and vulnerable and then your brain saved a mind set that one needs to behave anti social and bully others to not end up being bullied. This happens to some people.

I can give you a good advice;

Treat people the way you want to be treated. If you're interacting with someone the way you described then ask yourself at that moment how you'd feel if someone else would do the same to you. Maybe then you'll see its not good and start to change it.

that's the thing. i do see what's wrong. but i cant change. i feel like its just a part of me now. One that is permanent. Permanently there to make me, and everyone around me, miserable.

 

[Deadweight]

I exhibit many of the behaviours you described. Pretty much all of them. I don't have a solution, I don't know how to stop as much as I desperately want to. It was just nice to see a kindred spirit. Thanks for posting